This blog is a no-Israel-bashing zone (click for explanation)
If this doesn't make you laugh, nothing will. First, put down your drink and stop eating your lunch. Now, read Dave's take. Then Judith's. Then Tim's. Here's Arthur's response. And the blogger that started this laff-fest, using the pseudonymI kid you notGandhi. He's a very peaceful blogger, don't you think?
Um. I don't know if anyone else has used that word, but I think "Neoconspiracy" should enter the blogger lexicon. Judith is a part of it, of course. As am I. And all my named (and unnamed) co-conspirators. Yeah, probably you, too. All my readers except for the one in the back, with the shiny hat. Whoops, just scared him away.
permalink | |
Oh, sure, Israel wants war: Mahmoud Abbas makes a bigger ass of himself every time he opens his mouth.
Sure, Israel wants her sons and daughters to die violently. Israel wants to bury her children before their time. Sure. Because, like, that's what everyone wants, isn't it? Oh, wait. No, that's what Muslim terrorists want. You know, the ones that live on your side of the fence?
Speaking of calm: Hezbollah is firing rockets at Israel again, and the AP says:
Really? They just started firing for no reason?
Uh-huh. So, Hezbollah firesunprovokedon Israel, and it's an "exchange of fire." Eff you, AP.
Reasons to be cheerful: This editorial in the Jerusalem Post should be read in full.
Yes, there is a lot to celebrate. And it happened in only 57 years. Let's end this post on that cheerful note.
permalink | |
Tired of hearing about Israel and the U.S. having a one-way relationship, with money going to Israel and nothing coming back but Arab hatred? Then read this.
And then there's this act, which brought worldwide criticism on Israel, including from the United States:
Looks like Israel was right after all, hm?
permalink | |
Hubris has a new song dedicated exclusively to Pat "I am not a Nazi apologist, Hitler was misunderstood" Buchanan. And there's a new Road House Revisited. (You know, that really was a stupid movie.) Don't miss the comments. They're as funny as the post.
I don't think Beautiful Atrocities likes Orlando Bloom. And there's a post about Hollywood writers filing a class-action suit against the studios, claiming age discrimination. I wish them luck. Too bad Hollywood actresses don't file suit as well. If I see one more decrepit aging male star getting a twentysomething hot chick, I willI'lluh, probably stop watching any male star over the age of fifty. Except for Sean Connery. That man always gets a bye. Always.
Pilot of Errant Plane Described As 'Swell': (That's a headline. I didn't write it.) Well, that's a relief. Swell, but stupid. Wow. Come to think of it, say the word "swell." Man, it's a stupid word. Look at how it's spelled. Weird. (I hate typing "weird." I usually have to retype it, what with it defying the i-before-e rule. Damned exceptions.)
Really glad I don't commute to New York anymore. My sister-in-law is probably not having a good day, unless she decided to telecommute. Hope she did. By the way, this will give "proof" to those morons out there who think Friday falling on the thirteenth of the month has something to do with bad luck, rather than the fact that Friday falls on the thirteenth of the month several times a year, due to that's the way our effing calendar works.
Ilyka says her blog sucks. Funny, for a post full of suckage, it's got some damned good stuff in it. And yes, I called my mother. Not only that, but the manager of her Post Office called her, too, because I sent her my Mother's Day card (which I made myself, by the way, and no, not with crayons and paste, but with Publisher and Fireworks) on Wednesday. It wasn't delivered until Tuesday. It should have been delivered no later than Saturday. Boy, was that guy mad, she said. I know what happened. Her regular carrier is out, and the part-time flexis can't handle the load without overtime. The Post Office won't pay them overtime, and if they finish their route late, they get in trouble. So they do what all part-time flexis (who generally have no benefits and get paid dirt) do: They deliver less mail, and hide what they don't deliver. I worked in the Post Office for a year and a half. I got to know it pretty well. They used to have a one-to-three management-to-staff ratio. That's why they're going broke. That, plus the fact that they can't fire incompetents. Boy, have I got stories about that.
permalink | |
Is there anybody out there? There are days when I wonder if anyone is reading my blog. Today is one of them.
Happy birthday, but not really late: I wished my brother a happy birthday via card and phone yesterday, but forgot to blog it. Hippo birdies 2 ewe, big brother.
I think it's really only one punk using the royal "we:" The writing style is too distinct throughout. Then again, every article in most magazines read the same. It can be done. Anyway, Instapunk has a great takedown of Pat "I am not a Jew-hater, I just hate neocons" Buchanan's latest column wherein he posits that if we had only not fought WWII, the world would have been a better place. Uh-huh.
Stephen Green has a takedown as well. Don't read the comments if you don't want the top of your head to blow off. Here there be Buchananites. Far too many morons can't understand why we call Buchanan a Hitler apologist. As for Steve's wondering why Worldnet Daily publishes crap like that: Well, Worldnet Daily publishes crap.
Of course, you could read Instapunk's novel idea on how to take academia back from the uber-lefties. By the way, Mr. Punk: Please give us the option of turning off the music . Or, well, dump the music. It slows down pageload and screws with some people's computers. Better still, make the option to have the music off and give us the opportunity to turn it on.
Tom's talking: Silent Running has a podcast. And Tom's doing his David Boreanaz impression, only without the hair. Hey. I wanna be a podcaster, too. And I finally figured out who to get for a partner. He's not a blogger, folks. He's one of my readers, and he lives in New York, and I used to work with him. Think I should email him and see what he thinks....
Simonworld: Lair's got so many gigs going, we don't know where to steer you. There's his parody news site. There's his regular site. (My current fave: Ask the cats.) And now there's Huffington is Full of Crap. It's an open mic for anyone who wants to make fun of Arianna Huffington's blog. (Nope, still no trackbacks or comments.)
Fellow bloggers, feel free to plug your own blogs in the comments to this post.
permalink | |
I stand by my earlier statement: I will never get a puppy. Okay, so she's really cute and cuddly, and she's currently sitting in my lap. But she's bitten my feet, my shoulder, my hair, my hands, my leg, my arm, my computer mouse, the legs to the chair, and she is currently biting Heidi's Persian rug. (Excuse me, please.) She bit the computer cable. She tugged on my computer backpack. She tried to chew up a letter she grabbed off the couch, oh, and she tried to bite Sparty but he was having none of it. She chewed on the blanket and dog bed she was lying in.
I have so far eluded a puppy mess by wisely depositing the pup outdoors the second she awakens from her naps. She has rewarded me by enthusiastically doing her business, then trying to gnaw on saplings. She just climbed in my lap and is trying to bite my feet again. Those are needle-sharp teeth, and a quick look underneath reveals she has my mouse cord. Sigh.
This dog is a biting machine. I have been giving her dog chew toys with a fair amount of success. It's the baby attention span that is my downfall. I think her brain probably works something like this:
Or something like that. We have successfully distracted puppy with ball and ropeoh. She's in my lap again. There goes the mouse cord again. Yes, there you have it. Trying to write a post while sitting on the floor with a puppy, who is now chewing on a wooden chair leg and hiccuping. Time for a rope toy distraction, and the end to the post.
I have put the puppy to bed in her little gated-off area. I expect her to fall alseep fairly soon. I'm about done pup-sitting.
And I still miss Worf.
permalink | |
Reaping what they sow: Check out the security arrangements for the Brazil summit:
Wow, sucks to have to worry about terrorism disrupting an important conference, doesn't it?
What kind of belief in democracy is this, Abu Mazen? Yesterday, Mahmoud Abbas questioned Israel's "belief in democracy" for saying that they would not deal with Hamas terrorists if they won PA elections. Today, the PA says they should postpone elections because Hamas might win. Is that the sound of high-pocrisy I hear?
Whoops! Caught with your pants down there, eh, Abu?
Good work! Preparing the ground to postpone elections. Five'll getcha ten that Jimmy Carter will still call them "free, fair, and democratic" no matter what you do.
Say. I'm starting to questions Mahmoud Abbas's belief in democracy. No, wait. I never believed in it in the first place.
permalink | |
I'm heading over to Small Town South of Richmond to dogsit. Heidi is chaperoning a class trip for her daughter, and G. is out of town today, so I get to feed the dogs and try to stop the puppy from peeing on the floor.
Ha. Like that's going to happen.
However, I'm bringing my laptop. Posts will follow soon.
Update: Note to selfnever, ever, ever get a puppy. Young adult dog, at the least.
permalink | |
The propaganda war against Israel, which the PA has been waging for decades, consists party of trying to co-opt Israel's own symbols and warp them to seem like they should be the palestinian symbols, too. For instance, Israel has the Law of Return, which allows any Jew, from anywhere in the world, to claim Israeli citizenship. The PA corrupted that into their "right of return," which they insist is part of any final agreement with Israel. That so-called "right" is a bastardization of the Law of Return. It says that all palestinians and their descendants have the right to settle in the towns in which they (or their grandparents, or great-grandparents) were born.
On Yom Hazikaron, the day in which Israel honors her soldiers who fell in wars, Israel sounds a siren at eleven o'clock in the morning. It lasts for three minutes, and the entire state of Israel falls silent, except for the siren.
Allison writes about it today:
So why am I mentioning the PA corrupting Israeli symbolism?
Because of this:
Make no mistake: It is a deliberate sign of disrespect. There is no way the PA doesn't know about the siren on Yom Hazikaron. From a correspondent who sent me a link to the above:
Yes, there's that, too.
Uh-huh. Say it with me, folks: Bastards.
permalink | |
Let me say this briefly and, if I may, pithily: NFW. Hulk beats the Thing, every time. In fact, I have more than one of the comics in which Hulk kicked Thing's orange, rocky butt. Nearly killed him once or twice, as I recall.
Celestial Blue tipped me off to this article on Thing Feet. There are also Thing Hands, which I will not be getting. I couldn't wear a loser's hands. Hell, even the name is a loser name. Thing Feet. Feh. I told the Hulk about it. He was not happy:
permalink | |
Apparently, South Americans and Arab nations don't have that much in common besides a dislike for democracy, Israel, and the U.S.
Darn. And we thought they'd found some new best friends. Oh, well, it's back to the drawing board for the We Hate the U.S. Club (No Jews allowed!).
For some reason, I'm picturing Spanky and Alfalfa right about now. Oh, and laughing. Definitely laughing.
Then again, they are working on a statement condemning the U.S. for imposing sanctions on Syria and question Britain's claim to the Falkland Islands. (Hey, they won it fair and square in a war, what do you mean you questionoh, that's right. The pals are at that conference.)
Uh-huh. Head count, please:
Hm. Some articles say "21 Arab heads of state." I guess some news services still don't recognize the fictional country of palestine. Abu Mazen is there. Expect much Israel-bashing.
permalink | |
Lefty button-pushers: When you dial the phone (and why do we say dial when nobody has a dial anymore?), do you use your left hand or your right hand to press the buttons? I'm a lefty phone-pusher. I blame my father. He was a lefty. He taught me how to play sports, so except for throwing righty, I do almost everything else lefty. I grip everything but a tennis racket with a lefty grip. And I have fairly good use of my left hand for everything but writing, and, well, if I had to, I'm sure I could learn to write lefty. I can't say I'm a true ambi, because I can't use either hand with equal effect. But I'm pretty good with a left hook when I need to be, too. (Dad taught me how to box when I was a child.)
Chickadee, chickadee, chickadee: They really do say that, don't they? I heard the birds singing yesterday, and one of them sounded like it was saying "Judy" something. I listened a little more closely, and realized yes, they really do sound like they're saying "chickadee."
Speaking of cat toys: Gracie almost caught a mouse yesterday. I didn't see a thing, but she went into stalking mode. There was a rustle in the grass, then the rustle bounded through the grass. I still saw nothing, but Gracie bounded after what I think was a mouse. It ran into the neighbor's air conditioning unit, reminding me that I heard something scraping around in it last year. I suspect there's a nest underneath it, and know it has at least one resident. For now. I can't believe it was wandering around in the grass where Gracie has been sleeping lately. You'd think the cat scent would scare it away.
Speaking of smells: Damned warm weather is renewing the rotting carcass problem in my walls. And speaking of that, I forgot that I wanted to take Drew's comment out and give it a room of its own. I'll have to remember to do that later. Meantime, if you didn't read the comments, you should read them now. They're pretty funny. Annoying, but funny.
Speaking of Gracie: Rahel found Gracie's Israeli cousin last week. They do look somewhat alike, but Gracie's cousin is obviously nowhere near as timid as Gracie. Also speaking of Gracie, she was out nearly the entire day yesterday, simply enjoying the weather. Tig went inside for naptime, but Gracie decided the sun was more fun than my bed. She's out on the patio now, enjoying the shade. Tig is in the sun. The one with the longer fur is in the hotter spot. Go figure.
permalink | |
Okay, I watch One Life to Live because Another World went off the air and Days of Our Lives sucks. I'm also keeping up with All My Children and will, when forced, have to decide between the two of them. AMC was actually winning the contest, but then OLTL totally blew my mind yesterday.
There's been a murder storyline ongoing for a few months. Actually, there are two. A character was killed off some time ago, and of course, half the cast were suspect. We finally found out who the killer is, and the reason for the death. It's the District Attorney, who started out as a loudmouthed alcoholic who beat his wife (we think), and drove her away. They reformed the character, and made Nora fall for him. We love Nora. Nora is great. She's a fan fave, as they say. We do not like Daniel, mean ol' D.A. who, we all know, is also cheating on herwhich is why he killed Paul Cramer in the first place. Paul caught Daniel and his Twinkie. But who was the Twinkie? We had no idea. Could it be Paige, the mysterious doctor that the writers have been unable to give a decent storyline since they hired her away from CBS? Would it be a character who would show up when they were about ready to blow the storyline open? Wait, there's an attractive blonde assistant to the governor, and Daniel was whispering to her last week. A-HA! It's her! SHE's the Twinkie.
Well, after Daniel (sigh) killed off poor Jen, another character brought in for the Jill Farren Phelps makeover (she does this on every soap opera; brings in her favorite actors from other soaps and forces them into major storyline, causing untold waves of old-time fan hatred) and therefore expendable, he went to see his Twinkie. At last, at last, we were going to get a visual!
AND IT'S A BOY! (All right, he's a college kid, but stillit's a BOY Twinkie, not a girl Twinkie.)
Hoo-wee, One Life To Live delivered One Major Worldview Shock to its loyal fanbase. I don't know that anybody thought this was going to happen.
Mind you, this is not a theme that is new to the soap. They pioneered a homosexual storyline years ago, featuring a Reverend falsely accused of having an affair with a teenaged boy. But I was shocked. Surprised, and quite pleased, actually. OLTL may get back into my Number One Soap graces again.
Can't wait to see what happens next. I'm wondering if I was wrong about the Killing Club Killer, too. I'm not sure it's Creepy Agent Hayes anymore.
Wow, a great moment in soaps, and a great Gilmore Girls episode last night. My soap opera addiction is satisfied for a while.
permalink | |
And they wonder why we think Brits hate the Jews. Remember Jenny Tonge? The MP who was fired for saying that if she were a palestinian, she might become a suicide bomber? Well, she's been nominated for the House of Lords. By the party leader who fired her last year. Politics make such strange bedfellows, eh?
So. Has Ms. Tonge changed her mind at all about becoming a suicide bomber, you think? Let's take a look at a speech she made last year.
I'm thinking probably not. Then there is this offensive statement about how Israel was given to the Jews, made twice:
Once again, the palestinians have a homeland from which they were driven. The Jews were given Israel. Forget about all those millennia when Jews were actually living in their homeland. Jenny Tonge sure has.
There is also this letter to Jack Straw, with this charming excerpt:
This woman is going to be rewarded with a position in the House of Lords?
My money says yes. Any takers? You can put it in my Paypal account.
permalink | |
The big news today is that the population of Israel's Jews has risen 850% since 1948 (hat tip: Rahel). There was an article out last week that I'm glad I didn't link to, because it claimed that Israel had surpassed the U.S. as the world center of Jewish population. It seems that Israel hasn't quite gotten that title yet, but I will be rooting for her to win it next year. It's amazing when you think about how long Jews have been fighting to reclaim their homeland, and of course, the world simply yawns. The palestinians lay claim to it in 1948 and again in 1967, and the world can't wait to get behind the Arabs and tell the Jews to get the hell out of "Palestine." Yeah, what-EVER.
Has anyone else noticed that the Jewish population of Arab and Muslim nations have gone down in proportion to Israel's Jewish population rising? I wonder where they got to? Say, where's the UNRWA for Jewish refugees?
I'm sorry, I know, I was being silly. Those Jews are now in Israel, of course. Mostly.
Do you know what else I wonder? If the world would stop murdering Jews, how big would the worldwide Jewish population be? Looks like Ariel Sharon engages in what-ifs, too. Some estimate the world Jewish population would be over 100 million.
I have always wondered what the world Jewish population would be if the Holocaust had never happened. I imagine our population would be more than doubled, what with the higher number of children per household seventy years ago. I think we lost far more than six million. I think about the numbers, and then I think about Jews like Albert Einstein, and wonder how much we lost in the arts and sciences. How many unknown Einsteins did Hitler murder? How many future Einsteins were never born?
The Nazis may well have destroyed the man or woman who would have found the cure for cancer.
Something to think about, in the days after Holocaust Remembrance Day.
permalink | |
Once a terrorist, always a terrorist: Hizbullah says they'll probably discuss disarming after the Lebanon elections. On Israel?
Yeah, that Israeli threat. Nothing at all like, say, the Hizbullah threat. And while we're at it, what time is it? Why, Israeli Double-Standard Time:
Just so I have this straight, when the UN issues non-binding resolutions regarding Israel, which Israel promptly ignores, she is said to be in defiance of UN resolutions. When the Security Council issues a binding resolution on Arab nations, which they promptly ignore, there is no such blame attached. So, Arabs are allowed to ignore the UN with impunity. But not Jews.
Found: Sharon's stones. Looks like Ariel Sharon has remembered that he was a general who fought terrorism, once.
Well, it's worse than you think. check this out, kiddies: Hamas is poised to take over the Gaza Strip.
It is not just the Israeli perspective. That is also the Arab perspective, and my perspective, and the perspective of many others. That's what happens when you have a unilateral withdrawal from a war zone.
Yeah, and there won't be a change. Not unless their entire organization is utterly defeated. Not gonna happen.
The return of Russian anti-Israelism: Putin is making it pefectly clear that he's an old Soviet apparatchik who does not like the state of Israel. Or is he just a typical Russian anti-Semite? Only his hairdresser knows for sure.
Yeah, the Russians can't exile the Jews to the Pale of the Settlement any more. They have to do something.
Cynical? Me? Of course.
permalink | |
That's Wind Rider's leg she's standing next to. It will be interesting to get a picture in a year, when she's full grown and stands higher than WR.
Her name isand don't blame me, I didn't name herTinkerbell. Be kind. An eleven-year-old girl named her. She wants to call her Tink. I say she should call her Bell. She's quite beautiful. The other side of her face is a black mask.
By the way, puppies that young are very cute, and extremely boring.
And there's still a Worf-sized hole in the house. Oh, well. It will fade, someday. I missed my original Tig awfully for months, even after I got Tig and Gracie.
permalink | |
May is torture for teachers: This is the time of year I hate the most during religious school. We have pretty much finished with our curriculum, the weather is gorgeous, the children want to be anywhere but in school, and "unruly" does not begin to describe their attitude. Oh. My. Gawd. Today was horrible. All but one of mine got snagged (by another teacher, not me) using the little kids' music books, and so I went and got them the ones they were supposed to use, the ones without the transliteration, and embarrassed them in front of all the older grades. And informed them later that they all lost a point except for the one who didn't use the wrong book. He earned three points for that. At least the rest of them didn't even try to pretend they took the wrong books by accident. Well, one did, but he always tries to excuse his bad actions. Never seems to work with me for some reason.
I have two more Tuesdays and one more Sunday to get through. I am so not looking forward to this.
Four of them have earned enough points to get either a ride in my Jeep or an hour or two of climbing with me. Two have said they want the Jeep ride. Two are in negative points right now, and will probably remain that way through the rest of the year. One has a chance to change his behavior and earn a prize that wasn't even supposed to be a prize. He saw a cap in my car when I stopped to get their snack (raisins) and asked if it was a prize. I told him if he wanted it to be, it could. Will this cause him to behave for the next three sessions? I'm not putting any money on it. But it'd be nice if that happened.
Thanks so much, Tig. I let Tig out. He eats grass. He comes back in. He throws up grass. Twice. I think I hate cats today, too.
More Gilmores! Yes, I broke down and got the second season on DVD (thanks, you-know-who). I'm only on disc two. Hey! There are deleted scenes, and I didn't even know it. Now I have to go back through all the episodes I already watched and watch the deleted scenes. Oh, and watch the Bangles episode from season one again. Not because it has anything to do with season two. Because it's my favorite episode.
Someone just shoot me. Shoot me now. There's an ice cream truck that comes regularly. It has the most horrific music I've ever heard on an ice cream truck. It plays a horrible version of "She'll be Comin' Round the Mountain." It has hands clapping and whistles blowing and someone saying "Hello!" in a horridly cheerful voice. Over and over and over and over again.
Is it against the law to kill an ice cream truck's speakers?
First it's woodpeckers, then ants. What next? Wasps. There is a wasp building a nest and laying eggs in the exaust vent to my stove. I called maintenance and left a message. Shall we start a pool on when someone comes over to get rid of it? I'm still waiting on the exterminator to show up and check my attic for dead squirrel. He was supposed to be here last Monday.
Oh, God, it's back again: I'm off to kill the ice cream man. Someone give me an alibi. Okay, probably won't work if I post this. Well, if I need the bail money, you can put it in my paypal account.
permalink | |
Last week's blogs are archived. Looking for the Buffy Blogburst Index? Here's Israel vs. the world. Here's the Blogathon. The Superhero Dating Ratings are here. If you're looking for something funny, try the Hulk's solution to the Middle East conflict, or Yasser Arafat Secret Phone Transcripts. Iseema bin Laden's diary is also a good bet if you've never been here before.