Euro-Hulk, uh, smash?
Joe Katzman, the man who inspired my Hulk blog, has tackled the subject himself, using an international flavor. The result is hilarious. Check out Winds of Change for a good laugh.
Another superb column from a man who should be advising the President:
I watched Nightline's "Town Meeting" in Israel tonight. One of the Palestinian representatives said that there would be peace when Israel drew back to "June 1947 borders". Not 1967. 1947.
I watched exactly the types of suits Hanson discusses in the above article. permalink
The scene: Late afternoon, my kitchen. I approach the door and open it slowly, looking at the side of the door up, then down. No bee. I look to the left, where there is a slot for the doorknob latch. Uh, no, there are two, and one contains a humongous black-and-yellow striped, big, fat bumblebee. Which may very well have been a carpenter bee, which would be what it was doing inside the slot of my doorframe--looking for a new nesting space.
The action: Meryl jumps back, shouting "Ewww!" while hurriedly closing door. Door remains closed for an hour more, until the neighbors come over and 10-year-old James says, "Let me see!" [Door opens.] "Hey, it's still alive!"
Meryl: EWWW! Close the door! [door closes]
James: Eww! [door closes]
[later] [door opens]
Meryl: It's gone. Phew. permalink
Speaking of Reason's parody of The Corner, sorry, Professor--it is funny. Especially the Dingleberry posts.
Some of the boys of blogdom are linking to an Australian article on how our sailors wore out the whores of Perth. I won't be linking to the article. Neither am I surprised that 5,500 sailors managed to wear out the sex workers of the city. I'm going to guess that the number of hookers in Perth is in the three-digit range, tops. Duh. Stupid story. Frat-boy reaction by bloggers.
You should instead be linking to this article from the same news source: Jenin "war crimes" revealed.
Gee, what a surprise to hear a Palestinian official say that. Hm. Maybe I should start a Quote of the Day section. There's my first one. Look above. Readers are encouraged to send in quotes, as I've just made a whole lotta work for myself by instigating this. Make them short, please. permalink
Reader Kevin G. came up with a good question: How would the Incredible Hulk have solved the Florida fiasco during the 2000 presidential elections? The question has to be fleshed out somewhat, of course.
The problem: The Presidential election hinges on the outcome of the vote in Florida. Palm Beach County suffers from the results of the "butterfly ballot", which Democrats claim was so difficult to follow that Pat Buchanan stole thousands of Gore votes. Vice President Gore demands a recount, but only of certain precincts. Governor Bush wants no recount at all. The highest courts in the land wind up involved, lawyers argue before the Supreme Court, and a parade of police cars escort the votes that will be recounted to a secure area.
The solution: Hulk smash police cars! Why police always chase Hulk? Hulk make papers fly in air! Then Hulk smash puny humans in funny robes. No, Hulk smash puny Gore-man! Hulk smash puny Bush-man! Hulk smash mean man who make old people cry! Hulk not say name. Too hard!
Actually, if Hulk knew only a little more about politics, I'm betting that he'd really say something like, "Hulk smash people who forget that Al Gore not carry own state in election! If Gore carry Tennessee, Florida not matter!"
By the way--I voted for Gore. permalink
As far as I can tell, it is dead, and I have come to the conclusion that it probably was a driller bee, and that it somehow already drilled into the balcony door. Which would explain why the buzzing was dim at first, and then got louder when I closed the door--it couldn't get out.
That being said--I'm not opening that door today. Nuh-uh. I am going to make absolutely sure it's dead, and then I'll open it. With a large amount of trepidation.
Why couldn't it be a spider? Spiders don't bother me in the least. I have a friend who freaks out over them, but she hates them so much that she gets a frightening expression of purpose on her face, grabs something to smash the spider with--no matter how big it is--and smashes it. It's impressive, actually. Hey! I'll get her over here to open the door. permalink
Bruce Hill begs for hits. Please go there, he's starting to look pitiful, and I can't marry a man who begs. Even if Buffy is his favorite show, and he's a Harlan Ellison fan.
The buzzing noise and the moving-around noise have stopped. This means either the insect is dead, or it is lying low, planning a counter-attack once I open the door. I'm thinking that balcony door isn't getting opened until the day I have to move out of here. I don't have to use the hibachi.
My brother is of the opinion that it's a driller bee, those humongous bumblebees that eat into the wood of your house to live and then cruise for gnats for sustenance. We have them around here, and it's the tail end of their spring season, and the buzzing noise was definitely loud enough for it to be one of those suckers. But I'm still not opening that door, not without a beekeeping suit. I'm picturing a very angry bee just waiting for me to free him. Nuh-uh!
Judging from the amount of hits and email I got over the Hulk smash! blog, there are a heckuva lot of comics fans who read Glenn Reynolds and Charles Johnson. Well, I know what some of you fanboys are thinking. Hey, I've been a comics fan since I was, oh, eight or so, and only stopped a few years ago because, well, comics really sucked too much and cost too much at that time. I've heard they've gotten better, but--anyway. Yeah, fanboys, I know what you're thinking. And the answer to your question is: The Hulk could always kick the Thing's ass.
Oh, that wasn't the question? Never mind. (Yeah, like I'm gonna answer that question.) permalink
My balcony door was open, and I heard a low buzzing sound, as of someone cutting bushes in the distance. It was constant, and it started to annoy me, so I closed the door. And the buzzing sound immediately got louder and more frantic, which made me realize that I shut the door on some kind of buzzing insect--a BIG one--and that it was probably really mad right now. So I stepped back out of the kitchen, prepared to run from a really pissed-off bee or wasp or whatever, and the buzzing noise reached a crescendo and then stopped. Phew, I thought. Maybe it got away. Or it's dead.
Only I just heard a low buzzing noise a minute or two ago, and Tig is meowing at the door begging me to open it, with his hunter look on, and, well--I'm going to go take a shower and hope that whatever it is can't get into my apartment. Then I don't intend to open the balcony door until tomorrow, by which time the buzzing thing should be dead.
I hate buzzing bugs. I should get one of my brothers to come over and open the door for me. Omigod, I can hear it moving... permalink
Asparagirl and Zen Flea (here's her main page) both brought up the subject of "looking" Jewish. It's an interesting and deadly serious topic today; like Zen Flea, I don't "look" Jewish, however, I always wear a Star of David. I feel naked without one. And I can never seem to keep my mouth shut, or my expression from turning to a glare, at anti-Semitic remarks.
I find myself watching people now, judging their reaction to me, for as the days get warmer, the Star grows more evident. And the weather seems extremely chancy for Jews these days--particularly those of us in states with large Muslim populations. permalink
Tal G points to this article on how TIME Magazine altered a photo caption to paint an Israeli demonstration in a bad light. It reminded me of why I let my subscription lapse a number of years ago. My grandfather was always telling me that Time had an anti-Semitic bias, and I disagreed vehemently. Until Menachem Begin was elected Prime Minister of Israel. The TIME piece was a hatchet job, but the line that made me believe my grandfather was right was in the first paragraph of the article. It introduced Begin in this way: "Menachem Begin (rhymes with Fagin)..."
Ronald Reagan was coming to national political prominence at the time. I'm a little foggy on what they wrote to help us pronounce his name, but I'm certain it wasn't "Fagin."
TIME could have written, say, "Menachem Begin (pronounced bay-gin)". Instead, they chose Fagin--the extremely negative, anti-Semitic portrayal of a Jewish thief from Dickens' Oliver Twist--to help people learn how to pronounce Begin's name. Interesting, when you consider that the film Oliver! had been released nearly ten years prior to Begin's election, and the Broadway production, of course, came before the film, and had been dead for years. And I may be wrong--there is that possibility--but I don't think Oliver Twist was on the bestseller lists at the time.
I never renewed my subscription. permalink
Mark Steyn marches on Eurofascists.
Regular readers of this blog may have noticed that from time to time, I've been taking the Hulk perspective on various problems, specifically the Middle East. Well, when you take a hard look at things, I've realized that there is no problem so complex that you can't apply the Hulk perspective to it. Let's give it a try:
The problem: The standoff at the Church of the Nativity. Palestinians refuse to come out unless allowed to go to Gaza or stay in the West Bank, no Israeli arrests allowed. Israelis want to arrest or exile to a foreign country known terrorist leaders; the rest may go free.
The solution: Hulk smash Church wall! Hulk smash puny humans with guns! Hulk not smash puny humans without guns! Hulk take puny humans out of Church! (Editor's Note: If the IDF doesn't pull back while this happens, Hulk will smash them as well. He never was much good at differentiating between groups of men with guns.)
The problem: Anti-Semitism is rampant throughout France. Synagogues have been burned down, Jewish children attacked, bombs placed in cemeteries. Jean-Marie Le Pen is now a viable candidate for the presidency of France, and French Jews fear for their safety.
The solution: Hulk smash puny Frenchmen! Hulk smash man with woman's name! (Why man have woman's name?)
The problem: The United Nations would like to send a "fact-finding mission" to Jenin to determine whether or not "massacres" occurred. The Israelis refuse to allow a committee of people already known to be hostile to Israel into Jenin, and also refuse to allow the committee to interview their soldiers. Kofi Annan wants to disband the committee rather than make any changes suggested by the Israeli Cabinet.
The solution: Hulk smash puny humans! Hulk smash puny UN! Hulk smash Kofi-man! Hulk smash! Wait--didn't Hulk smash UN before? It near river, right? Uh-oh.
The problem: The world media is extremely biased against Israel, choosing to yammer about massacres without evidence while subsequently ignoring the evidence that there was no massacre. People like Robert Fisk make up facts on a regular basis, while Oxford poets discuss their desires to see "Brooklyn-born Jews" shot. American newspapers ignore major pro-Israel rallies and put on the front page pro-Palestinian rallies, even if only sparsely attended.
The solution: Hulk smash puny newspaper men! Hulk smash puny editors! Hulk hate Daily Bugle! Daily Bugle mean to Hulk! Hulk SMASH!
The problem: Pedophilia is rampant throughout the American Catholic Church. It has seemingly reached epidemic proportions, finally forcing the Church to admit there is a problem and take action to remove the priests responsible. (Editor's note: Okay, it's not the Middle East, but it's hot right now. Shut up.)
The solution: Hulk smash puny men in funny clothes! Hulk smash!
The problem: Yassir Arafat refuses to keep his word, won't clamp down on terrorist activity, indeed, has been traced to payments to suicide bombers, the importation of 50 tons of weapons on the Karinne A, including C-4 to build more terror bombs, and has not even tried to negotiate in good faith to end the conflict in Israel.
The solution: Hulk smash ugly man in head-scarf! Hulk smash! And--phew--ugly man need bath! He smell worse than Hulk!
The problem: Saudi Arabia fears for its image. Fifteen of the nineteen suicide bombers came from Saudi Arabia, Osama bin Laden is a Saudi Arabian, Saudia Arabia is the largest financier of militant Islam in the world. They've hired an American ad agency to improve their image in the United States.
The solution: Hulk smash Saudi Arabia! Hulk smash bad men!
And there you have it. The Stan Lee Solution, starring The Incredible Hulk. If you think my theory doesn't work, then email me the most complicated problems you can think of, and I will attempt to find the Hulk's answer to any problem that comes my way. permalink
This is why I love Aaron Sorkin. Sometimes, when he crosses fact with fiction it stinks. Other times, you get this:
Last night's West Wing: C.J. Cregg is asked for her opinion on the Saudi religious police who forced teenaged girls back into a burning school because they weren't dressed correctly to come out in public, causing the loss of 17 lives:
And the reason Allison Janney won the Emmy is evident in her scathing delivery. Whoo. Nearly burned out my television set. permalink
Very funny read, via Dr. Frank: the Norwegian Blogger does a MST3K take on that insane Egyptian shrink's remarks about the President's intelligence. See, this is why blogging is more fun than print journalism. I can't see the Times printing an article like this one.
Yeah, I saw the same kid staring soulfully out of a hole in the wall of a house on both ABC and NBC news last night. They positioned him strategically on the rubble in various places. He was extremely photogenic. No, the news isn't biased. Nuh-uh. That's why you don't read this in the Times:
The Times reports that the Vatican will be sending a Cardinal to help end the siege of the Church of the Nativity. Hope there aren't any boys inside.
Okay, that was low. But let me say something serious: Why is it that no one anywhere is asking a question that's been bothering me for weeks? Why is everyone assuming that only the American Catholic Church is full of pedophile priests? Since when is pedophilia an American-only sickness? Look to the rest of the world, John Paul. My guess is pedophilia is rampant. permalink
While I'm waiting on the Left Coast to wake up and give me permission to post a deeply moving speech by a Rabbi a couple of weeks ago, we can fall back on an old standby--the search engines!
I am deeply proud to say that John Edward Fraud has won the Search Engine Most Common Search Competition for the nth month running--he wins consistently. Coming in second this month was Meredith Viera, of whom some searchers wanted to know about her feet, and not just you-know-what pics. Miss Cleo, alas, has fallen from the public eye and moved far down the search phrases ladder.
A couple of new search engines popped up, one of which is Direct Hit. Alas, it wasn't--the user wanted "muslims New Jersey". Boy, s/he must have been really disappointed to find all this Jewish stuff, huh?
My nods to popular culture still get a fair amount of searches, particularly things like "Love of Chair" and the Chicken Fat song. Which reminds me: Reader Bob W. has found the song online. Now that's dedication, and future searchers will thank you for it. I'll do that now. Thanks Bob--maybe I'll use it for my exercise routines again. (This is where the ascii grin would go if I ever put them in these blogs.)
As of 11:30 this morning, I've gotten quite a few searches. "Dare I eat a peach"--I so love literary searches. The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock. Like every other budding author, I used that line in a short story. Ah, the follies of youth. Hey, it was a good story, too. Someday I might actually put up a few. Someday.
There are a few very funny ones today. "john edward bite me" had me laughing out loud, as did "identifty xxx xxx xxx xxx-xxx-xx from waycrosse, georgia and bring out all hidden files everywhere on him also--from the most current future back to the past". I x'd out the name and pseudo SSN (it's missing two digits). I suspect the searcher didn't really think that s/he was going to get results from that, but it did make me laugh.
I love the search engines. Google has sent me thousands of visitors, and I'm of the opinion that I've kept a significant portion of them. I doubt I'm keeping those that look for "pictures of nekkid fireman" (misspelled deliberately), but I can see from my referrers section that someone was looking for "view from Eagle Rock reservation", read that page, and there was a referrer from that page to elsewhere in yourish.com. Search engines (and Adil Farooq) are how I've gained most of my Middle East readers. And as I am only about two-thirds toward my current goal of kicking Wil Wheaton's ass (in hits and visitors per month), I'll take what I can get.
You folks--my readers--are the reason I'm doing this. I can write in a vacuum, but it's nowhere near as fun as writing for people who are actually reading my words. And if it hadn't been for the search engines, Bob would never have sent me the URL for the Chicken Fat mp3. Like Stephen Green is fond of saying--that's what makes America so great. (And slim and trim!) permalink
Reader Doug L. points me to a long, thoughtful article on French anti-Semitism entitled Liberte, Egalite, Judeophobie in The Weekly Standard. It is so good it's difficult to excerpt. I'll just stop after a few graphs--yes, it's long, but well worth the read.
I'm looking for this one at the newsstand as well. This is a phenomenal essay. Perhaps we should mail it to the French politicians. permalink
Well, not really, but it's one of those days. I had a choice between eating breakfast before going to my appointment this morning, or writing in the weblog.
I ate breakfast.
Meryl is feeling one of those third-person moods coming upon her again (which is why she used the word "upon" instead of plain old "on"). Meryl went to the library on her way home today, and has a double armload of history books, specifically Middle East and Jewish history, as well as the DVD of Dr. Strangelove (because, after all, she's an odd one). Watch for many debunkings of myths and lies to come as soon as she can wade through the material. And possibly quotes from the movie.
NEW BUFFY EPISODE TONIGHT! NEW BUFFY EPISODE!!
Whew. I'm better now.
Marketing doesn't work on me. Nope. Nuh-uh. Just because I watched Third Watch last night and just because they had another song at the end of the show which made me remember the song at the end of the show a few weeks ago, which I heard and immediately said, "Who? WHO sings that song?!" and swore to track it down, doesn't mean that I did. At least, not right away.
I waited until last night, when I discovered that Jimmy Eat World wrote the song on the Third Watch episode I was thinking of, and that I'm now up to two songs by them, which means if I hear one more Jimmy Eat World song that I like, I'm buying their new CD.
Nope. Marketing doesn't work on me at all. Nuh-uh. permalink
I am just a worthless liar.
I am just an imbecile.
I will only complicate you.
Trust in me and fall as well.
I will find a center in you.
I will chew it up and leave.
I will work to elevate you
just enough to bring you down.
Trust me. --maynard james keenan
May his vision be a true one. permalink
An excellent piece on the current thinking of the American Jewish community from the L.A. Times. Perhaps they're trying to make up for their perceived anti-Israel bias?
Also, from the Washington Post, a series called "7 Ways to Think". I can't find a single-page link, so here are the seven articles. The Halevi piece is being linked to by many, but there are six other excellent articles with suggestions for an end to the strife. Let's not overlook any, whether or not you agree with them (and I disagree with several, particularly the one about resettling refugees). But they're all interesting, and worth a look. permalink
One of the biggest lies of Jenin is that the Israeli soldiers refused to allow ambulances to get the wounded out. This is untrue; Israeli forces allowed ambulances in and out upon the condition that they were searched for explosives and smuggled terrorists; most ambulance drivers refused to allow the searches.
Meryl K. Evans sent me a video of one such ambulance search (not in Jenin, however) that yielded an unexpected bonus: An explosives belt of the kind that was used in the Netanya Passover Massacre. This is why the IDF refuses unfettered access by Red Crescent ambulances. And a note: Using medical vehicles for such purposes is against the Geneva Convention, and thus a war crime. I don't expect the UN Commission on Human Rights to call for an investigation, however. Do you? permalink
Armageddon was on last night, and I was remembering how silly it was, and wondering exactly how inaccurate it was as well. Then I found myself trying to remember the name of that website that deconstructs all of the silly asteroid movies and their mistakes, as well as the conspiracy theory loonies who contend that there was no moon landing. And what do I find over at TNR's Corner but Junk Science, the site I was looking for. Er, except it wasn't. The site I wanted is Bad Astronomy. Hey--Phil Plait quotes Mark Twain on the home page; this man knows his stuff! In fact, I'm adding it to my links page. His movie list includes Austin Powers. Austin Powers? Well, they featured the moon in "The Spy Who Shagged Me." Fair game. He also takes on Star Trek Enterprise and the Phantom Menace. And the science in Armageddon? Well. He calls the page "Armpitageddon".
Heh. My kinda reviewer. And he liked Deep Impact, as did I. Well, except for Tea Leoni having to surf the tidal wave in the end, but hey--you can't have everything. Check out the site, it's a nice change of pace.
There is something to be said for those studies about pets reducing your blood pressure. Gracie has taken to lying on the kitchen chair next to me while I work on my computer, and from time to time, I reach over to pet her, and she closes her eyes and thrusts out her chin for the under-the-chin scratch, her second-favorite (the ears are first). And while that's going on, Tig generally meows for equal time, and flops on the floor to expose his belly for a rub, purring quite loudly and closing his eyes in contentment, showing off the fur that's growing in quite nicely since his trip to the vet. It's a nice break. permalink
Last week's blogs are archived. If you're looking for the Human Rights commission documents, or the Yasser Arafat Secret Phone Transcripts, click on the links. Iseema bin Laden's diary is also a good bet if you've never been here before.