Oh, sure. Michele gets hit with a crisis of confidence, an Instalanche, and all of blogdom running to her rescue and linking to herwhile I have a cold that is almost a fever, but not quite, and almost a chest cold, but not quite, and almost a sinus infection, but not quite. It's just enough to lay me out for two days. I am hoping I will be back to semi-normal by tomorrow morning.
I actually have a lot to say about the delinking, Michele, and will get to it as soon as my head clears up. In the meantime, I'm going to be furiously thinking of a controversy that will get everyone to link to me, because, well, I'm greedy. What can I say?
Speaking of controversy, scroll down a bit to my post on the link to the Tolkien chatboard. I remembered why they linked back to me. permalink
Here are some tips if you're trying to email me viruses: Make sure you append a ".bat" to the ".doc" extension, so that I will surely download the attachment, or maybe just click on it and see if it opens in email. Also use the letters "ur" in your email, so that I'll absolutely believe you're someone that I know, or someone who reads my weblog regularly.
And last, but not least, send it from another country and give yourself an Arab name, which wouldn't make me in the least bit suspicious of the email with attachments. Because my website is so friendly to the Arab causes.
I'm just saying.
Dang. I can't find where I left it, but yesterday, someone from scientology.org found my website via a search for "xenu.net." This is actually a regular occurrence. I expect the nutcases at scientology HQ are trying to make sure I'm not talking about the big space alien ancestor, or whatever the hell that ridiculous story is. Or at the very least, they're trying to make sure I have no copyrighted scientology material anywhere on my site. (Think that'll bring the scientology police running?)
Okay, so I like tweaking the noses of the Union of Federated Shit-for-brains. What can I say?
Duncan Harkinson has surpassed John Edward as my number one search phrase. Who? you're all wondering. He's the guy in the Nigerian spam mail. The one who left all that money, no heirs, yadda yadda.
I was the center of a discussion on a Tolkien chatboard.
I forgot why.
I think it's too late to get to the thread.
But I know it wasn't about Tolkien.
By the way, I'm seeing far too many Tolkien quotes in the Blogosphere lately.
Can't you at least wait until the movie comes out?
Update: I did manage to get to the discussion board and figure out why they linked to me: A group of unknowledgeable kiddies were spewing the usual anti-Israel, anti-Semitic nonsense, and one of my blog readers linked to my post on how the UN has spent 15% of its Security Council resolutions on Israel. And I remembered why I didn't bother posting on the message board: I have far more important things to do than argue with people who write dissertations on the proper length of a dwarf's beard. Yeah, that was a zing on Tolkien geeksfrom a Tolkien geek.
I spent several hours this afternoon researching digital camera stats through three separate websites. I have come to the conclusion that I'm going to my local Staples, talking to the nice, intelligent manager of the computer department who sold me my printer, and saying, "Mike, I want a digital camera for about $350 that doesn't blow through its batteries, comes with a battery charger, gives me a decent picture, and has one of those flash card things that I can use to download pictures into my computer."
That is, if his name is Mike. I've forgotten his first name.
However. When I get my digital camera, this weblog is going to get a bit prettier. Or a bit cattier. I suspect it's going to depend on the day, and where I've been, and how tired I am of photographing my cats (or how tired they are of having me flash lights at them). I've already discovered you can take pictures with one hand and drive with the other.
I'm off to bed now. I feel a cold coming on, and I'm writing this yesterday for posting tonight so you can read it tomorrow. (Don't try to make sense of it, it's the Yourish time-warp phenomenon.) permalink
(Updated 8:15 p.m.)((That means there are new ones down there, folks.))
There's an Axis of Weevil Blogburst going on, but I only just found out about it, and Terry, y'all should have an index somewhere. So I'll go find as many links to scary stories as I can, and you can go and read them.
From which index: Quana Jones adds an eerie tale
Francesca Watson shares a childhood memory of unnecessary fright and tears
And don't forget to just read the index, which has a story in it.
Mac Thomason (Wow, this one is good. Don't miss it. By the way, he says he's not complaining about Firefly, and it wasn't him, anyway, it was other people criticizing the show. Sorry, Mac.)
Gone South (Short, amusing, and familiar to any woman who ever had to grow up with a brother. I had two.)
Redneckin's got a really, really, really funny one.
If there are any more, email me and I'll add them. permalink
I found a search request from Google.de (that's Germany, for the slow among us) for "goral underwater sex." So, on impulse, I decided to see where I stand on the goral underwater sex search. Number two. And while I was there, I noticed that I could click on the Google translation of my site, so I did that, too. The result: The only guy I know who can read this link is Stefan Sharkansky. Although my friend Heidi could probably read it as well; she spent a summer in Germany as a teenager. Listen, if I'm saying anything interesting in the German translation, somebody let me know, okay?
I really like the changes in my left menu. "Das Tagebuch von Sortierfach Iseema beladen." "Geheimes Arafat Telefonc Abschriften." Apparently, both "Portal" and "Cattales" defeated the translator. What, there aren't any doors or cats in Germany?
Looking at your pages in another language is always good for a giggle. Maybe I should try it in French next. I can actually translate at least three words. If it's a good day, five. Ah, three years of high school French classit's not like they were a complete waste of time. My ninth-grade French teacher taught us what "merde!" means.
Hm. How do you say "merde!" in German? Stefan?
Update: The Universe is listening to me today. Here's a French search request, and a French translation of my page. Iseema's Diary is now "Le journal intime de Casier d'Iseema chargé," and Arafat's transcripts are "Arafat Secret Transcriptions De Téléphone." I don't think that's an accurate French translation, though. I think an accurate French translation would read something like, "The Nobel-Prize-winning and great humanitarian Arafat, who has been attacked unmercifully and wholly without reason by the evil Zionist Jews, Secret Phone Transcripts (that were probably stolen by the Zionists and should be returned to him)." And my Greatest Hits page is now "Les Plus grands Coups." Hm. I like it better in French.
My Portal is now "Portique." But once again, Cattales remains as is. Are there no cats in France? Has it recently suffered a huge influx of Chinese restaurants?
(Mind you, if Gracie doesn't stop insisting on going in and out and in and out and in and out today, she's going to join them.) permalink
Imshin has a hilarious and unintentionally Halloween-themed post for us all:
I've now added to my reasons for going to Israel: "Want to meet Imshin." Here is her analysis of politics:
Tal G has an interesting and ironic twist in the latest terrorist attack:
So, my post below still stands, though Fatah did not carry out the latest attack. And a suicide bomber has been arrested before he could kill. God may not be laughing at the irony, but I sure am.
Why I love reading Gil's blog:
That, and his cute picture adorning the left menu. Great smile, Gil. (Alas, he's too young for me.) permalink
Stole that title from Alan Sherman. Damn, I want that device that writers all over the world have been demandingthe one that transcribes your thoughts directly. I've got some great essays in my head, and they're all turning to crap once the words hit the screen. Oh, well, some days you're the windshield, some days you're the bug.
So I got this search: SHIRLEY JACKSON'S "WE HAVE ALWAYS LIVED IN THE CASTLE" BOOK REPORT and I thought, gee, points for the good taste to be reading my girl Shirl, points off for all caps and for trying to plagiarize.
Last week's Firefly was superb. Mac, are you still complaining about it? Don't forget, the first season of Buffy mostly sucked, too. And there were a fair amount of clunkers in season two. It takes a while for a TV show to find its voice.
And besides, I have a very soft spot for Nathan Fillion, who spent some time on One Life To Live as Joey Buchanan. Must be that double-curved grin and those boyish good looks. And Gina Torres? Love her. Great on Xena, great on Hercules, great on Cleopatra, great on Alias, and now, great on Firefly. Wow, do I watch too many action shows or what? (Absolutely. And WGN, which I get on my cable, just started showing The Lost World from the first episode, so I get to catch up on what I missed. Alas, the show's been canceled, but heysome other bad action show will rise up to fill the gap. I also get to watch the 10 o'clock news for Chicago, which is strange, but interesting.)
Overused expressions in Blogdom: "So-and-so nailed it," "Advantage: So-and-so," and "The free ice cream today will be..." Couple any of those expressions with a white-text-on-black-background page design, and you've got a blog that I will never again visit.
And while I'm at it, may I say that everyone knows when you're paraphrasing the latest Victor Davis Hanson or Mark Steyn or popular NRO or Weekly Standard article. You're not the only one that reads them, Bunky. That's the other thing that turns me off a weblog in a heartbeat: The inability to express your own thoughts. See, here's the thing about analyzing news stories: You're supposed to read them, take the information out of them that is relevant to what you think, and then write about it from your point of view. That's another free weblogging tip brought to you by the editorial team at yourish.com. Collect the whole set!
I bought my Halloween candy today. I developed a technique many years ago wherein I buy only candy that I like, so if there are any leftovers, I don't have to watch them go bad and throw them out. Of course, the main problem tonight: It's a new neighborhood. How many bags of candy should I get?
Purely for the children, of course, I bought an extra bag. Wouldn't want the little devilser, goblinser, angelsto go without. Two bags of Milky Way bars and one of Kit Kats, and we're covered for the day, I'm sure. Hm. I probably should have gone with the Tootsie Rolls, too. Oh, well. I sampled them. Just to make sure they weren't stale, you see. They were not.
Tonight I rediscovered how convenient hot dogs are. I stopped eating them for a long time, what with the fat and cholesterol and how they keep coming back on you, even though I only eat the kosher kind. But in the last few weeks, I've gone to a couple of barbecues and suddenly remembered how much I like hot dogs, and how fast a dinner they can be. Hungry? Ten minutes, tops, and you're sitting at the table.
There's definitely something to be said for food that's bad for you. Usually, "Mmmmm."
Michele is trying to quit smoking. She is unhappy about it. She is having the equivalent of blogging nic fits, which, of course, makes her weblog incredibly amusing to read right now. (She is so gonna kill me for that.)
But try not to piss her off. She's a mite touchy.
I'm pulling for you, Michele. Four years and five months for me on November 3rd. And only about ten (okay, maybe a few more than that due to the last few weeks) pounds of the non-smoking weight remains. And as soon as I get onto a regular exercise routine (yeah, any month now), those will go away, too.
Damian Penny has a hilarious comment about Sharon's government collapsing.
Haven't you had enough yet? Go on! Go bother someone else. I'm done for now. permalink
I can tell that Mac Thomason's petition to divest American funds from the EU (excepting Great Britain) is going to afford me many moments of humor. I've found some funny comments already, both pro and con.
I look forward to more. permalink
Yasser Arafat reshuffled his cabinet. It's being attacked by the extremists:
It's being attacked by the "moderates":
It's being supported by Fatah:
This is Fatah:
I could have titled this post, "Why I hate them," but then people would start boycotting my site and calling it a hate site. Go figure. permalink
I tried to write a long, involved post on last week's brouhaha, but it isn't working. So for your amusement, I dug into my temp file. (That's the place I keep the works-in-progress.) Get a load of some of the weirder searches I've received recently:
Oh, that's just wrong.
Yeah, I've heard that.
A lot of people seem to find me via this one. Honest, people, I don't have the secret war plans. I swear.
That was Merle. Not me. Plus, he's dead. I sure liked his character, though.
Fun with typos. Pregnant women in commas are always a curious bunch.
Mac Thomason started a petition to divest American funds from Europe and the UN. While I believe that petitions have about a .000001 chance of doing anything to actually change things, unless it is a petition of signatures for someone who is running for office, I am honor-bound to ask you to go take a look at it. Why am I honor-bound? Well, first, because Mac is a blog buddy of mine. And secondly, because I agree with the petition. I don't want my tax dollars going to buying the materials that are killing Jews in Israel.
And since this divestment movement isn't on college campuses, perhaps it might actually get somewhere. Go ahead. Sign the petition. And here's a suggested comment: Millions for defense, not a penny for suicide bombs! (It came to me as I was signing.) By the way, Mac, this should go on Da Bear's Weblogger Action Center. I think it fits. permalink
It was a great relief to those of us in the sniper's path that he was caught. I watched the press conference that night and was just as sickened as Andrew Dodge at the long list of back-patting going on. Because too many people were killed, and it didn't feel to me like the cops were doing all that great a joband I didn't lose any relatives or friends during the shooting spree. Tell it to the 13 victims, Captain Moose.
I didn't jump on the Islamic terrorist bandwagon before Muhammad was caught. I thought for sure the sniper was an angry white man. But he wasn't. And now it seems that he sympathized with Al Qaeda and other Muslim "victims" over 9/11, and, as befits one of Farrakhan's disciples, shot up a synagogue. Glenn Reynolds has the skinny on all of that.
It takes all my strength not to let this post degenerate into another one that blames The Religion of Peace for yet another nutjob killing yet more innocents. But I would like to point out something that's being missed in all the shouting and blaming that's going on right now:
It is a great relief that I, and everyone else along Sniper Alley, can go out to the gas station and fill up without wondering if we're going to make it home alive. The children can play outdoor sports and have recess again. Drivers of white vans and trucks can go about their business without being harassed any more. And my mother can stop calling and worryingwell, at least about that.
These are all important things. Especially to those of us who actually live in the area. We don't have to wonder how to defend ourselves against the indefensible any more. So yes, thank you for asking, we're all quite pleased the sniper and his assistant are behind bars. permalink
Emptying my email box always reminds me of weblogs I've linked to ages ago and forgotten to visit lately. So instead of apologizing, I'll just link again. One such site is Sardonic Views, which ranges from the funny to the truly sardonic (with a name like that, he'd better have posts fitting this description), and when you add the Tolkien geek aspect, well, I'm happy. (Not much longer to Part II. Big cheer!)
Lynn B. Lynn B. Lynn B. I have to link to her, because she blames me for her weblogging addiction, and so I must feed it. (Let me tell you, the woman can really kvetch in email. But she's promised me wine when we meet, so I can handle it.)
Mike Sanders has been back for a few weeks now, blogging regularly again, and, I imagine, regularly offending those that disagree with him. Go for it, Mike.
Laurence Simon is creating trouble again, too, what with his nasty post on Paul Wellstone, and Jeff Cooper dropping his links to Lair because of it. My opinion? They're both right. Laurence Simon is like that crazy member of the family that always comes out with embarrassing comments during holiday dinners. He's going to shock you. But if you don't like what he says, then it is absolutely your right both to drop his link, and to say that you did it because you think he went too far. As long as you're not trying to get others to stop reading him, it's not a matter of squashing those you don't agree with.
Hey, Lair disturbs me from time to time. Sometimes I link to it. Sometimes I send him email about it. Most times I ignore it. But I can see why his manner loses him some blog buddies. Not that I think he should change. I can't imagine an inoffensive Laurence Simon. What a bore he would be. permalink
Mathew Bates needs to get his own weblog. Or partner with Scott.
NZ Bear is calling for webloggers to don't just sit there and talk, do something. So he's started the Weblogger Action Center, where webloggers can put posts to their causes, and get more people to help. It's sort of like a much easier, all-the-time Blogathon. I like the part about not having to lose any sleep. For instance, Moe Freedman is pushing for action on Mogen David Adom. MommaBear's cause is National Ammo Day. (Nice little Bear-Bear support there, you two. It's important that Bears stick together.)
There will be more causes and projects posted. It's a good idea, Bear. And if you don't have a weblog, and want to push a cause, email Da Bear and ask him. He's a pretty agreeable guy.
Diane E. is taking a break from blogging, but she left a whole lot of great stuff for us to read while she's gone. And if you've never been to her site, I second her recommendation that you check out her archives.
Susanna Cornett studies my home state's dialect (New Jersey) the way I tend to study hers (Kentucky). I don't think it's Newark, Susanna. I think it's Jersey City, North Bergen, and much of Hudson County. My parents were from Newark, and my sister-in-law's family was from the Newark-Belleville area, and none of them say "floor" for "flaw."
Lots of new things over at Kesher Talk again. Judith Weiss is in the building. (Which is not to say that Howard hasn't always been there.)
Okay, that's it for now. Lots more catching up to come later. permalink
I didn't lose it. I was having lots of fun hanging with my Clarion '90 classmates. Highlights: Saturday was a beautiful, warm, sunny day, and after we finished workshopping our stories we chatted on the Great Deck, listening to the acorns fall and enjoying one of the last nice days of autumn. We went to Nanny's, a barbecue restaurant in Petersburg, for dinner. Nanny's has a simply phenomenal buffet that's guaranteed to double your cholesterol for at least a week. Susanna, we're going there when you come visit. Fried chicken, fried catfish, hush puppies, roast beef, barbecued chicken, pulled pork, ham (I passed on those last two), collard greens, green beans, mashed potatoes, apple cobblerabout the only thing missing was biscuits, and you didn't have room for them with everything else, anyway. I had seconds. We all ate quite a lot. Everyone was making Mr. Creosote jokes, particularly when we got back to Heidi's, as I had a bag of mints given to me by a Clarion '85 graduate (hi, Kim!), and offered them for dessert.
Anyway, as a result, I had little time to write or read weblogs, so give me a few hours to get caught up with things. In the meantime, about the only thing you missed by not reading the blog this weekend was this post on how the terrorists are winning the language war. permalink
What a weekend. I've had no free time at all, and still have a houseguest until tomorrow morning. But everything I needed to get done last week got done. Well, except for a few domestic chores and, uh, the chapters I was supposed to revise for our workshop yesterday, but heyit was a fun weekend.
(Yeah, that was an ascii grin, here on my weblog. It's for my name-twin. The rest of you may ignore it.)
Looks like she's in for an interesting time:
Looking forward to hearing more stories, kiddo. permalink
Last week's blogs are archived. Looking for the Buffy Blogburst Index? Here's Israel vs. the world. Here's the Blogathon. The Superhero Dating Ratings are here. If you're looking for something funny, try the Hulk's solution to the Middle East conflict, or Yasser Arafat Secret Phone Transcripts. Iseema bin Laden's diary and The Fudd Doctrine are also good bets if you've never been here before.