Iran to UN: I know you are, but what am I?

You simply cannot make this stuff up. It’s comedy gold.

Iran has filed an official complaint with the United Nations Security Council criticizing statements made by Prime Minister Ehud Olmert and Transportation Minister Shaul Mofaz regarding the possibility of a military attack on the Iranian nuclear facilities.

[…] The protest came in response to statements made by Mofaz during a visit to Washington last week, heading an Israeli delegation that held strategic discussions with the US dealing mostly with the Iranian nuclear threat.

At a press conference, Mofaz responded to a reporter’s question by saying that “the military option is included in all the options that are on the table…”

The complaint also refers to an interview that Prime Minister Olmert gave the German publication Focus. The letter quotes Olmert as saying: “Nobody is ruling it out…It is impossible perhaps to destroy the entire nuclear program but it would be possible to damage it in such a way that it would be set back years… It would take 10 days and 1,000 Tomahawk cruise missiles.”

Next, Iran files a complaint with the UN titled, “I’m rubber, you’re glue.”

Posted in Iran, Israel, Juvenile Scorn | Comments Off on Iran to UN: I know you are, but what am I?

What a punch line!

Reuters, in a reckless streak of openness tells the story:

The Palestinian journalists’ union criticised militants on Sunday for using a vehicle marked with a “TV” sign to approach Gaza’s border with Israel and attack an Israeli military position across the frontier. One militant was killed in Saturday’s attack, jointly claimed by Islamic Jihad and al-Aqsa Martyrs Brigades, an armed wing of President Mahmoud Abbas Fatah faction. The Israeli military said none of its soldiers was hurt.

“The use of vehicles that carry ‘Press’, ‘TV’ or other signs … expose journalists’ lives to danger, gives the Israeli occupation a pretext to target and kill journalists and restricts their ability to perform their professional and national duties,” the Palestinian Journalist Syndicate said.

So far so mundane – after all, this is not the first time a vehicle with ‘Press’ sign or an ambulance carries brave “freedom fighters”. But here comes the punch line:

Abu Ahmed, spokesman for Islamic Jihad’s armed wing, accused the Israeli military of fixing the TV sign to the armored car.

Truth, apparently, is in the eyes of the beholder. Here are some samples of another Zionist conspiracy. I have to say: them Zionist Hasbara bandits have done a quick paint job this time!

And, as a matter of routine, this attack on the crossing must trigger a series of UN inquiries and protests of the closed border check posts. Stands to reason.

Cross-posted on SimplyJews.

Posted in Israel, Terrorism | 1 Comment

Reading lists

I’m in and out of meetings much of today, and driving back and forth to northern VA. Here are a few things to keep you busy while I’m busy.

We’ll stop when you stop: Olmert says the IDF will continue to operate in Gaza as long as the rockets keep falling on Sderot. Yeah, I’ve heard that one before. Wake me when they put on a new reel.

USAF and IAF, together again for the first time: Gee. What on earth could American and Israeli pilots be training together for? (Osirak) I really can’t figure out the answer to that one. (Osirak) I wonder if there was any sort of event recently that makes this event particularly auspicious? (Osirak) June seventh, June seventh, why do I keep thinking of that date? And 1981? (Osirak) Eh. It’ll come to me eventually.

Indoctrinate U.: Hamas is doing its best to make Gaza and the West Bank an Islamic theocracy, starting with making the schools more Islamic. In other words, in a few years the Palestinians are going to hate Israelis even more than they do now. That’s hard to believe, and yet, I do believe it. Read it and weep.

Voting with their feet: Palestinians are emigrating from the terrortories in such high numbers that their religious leaders are issuing fatwas against emigrating like their 50-80,000 brothers have done. Say, fellas, don’t let the door hit you in the ass! Buh-bye! Seeya!

Well, this made Bibi’s day: Looks like Netanyahu may get a second chance at running Israel. Bibi will beat all the opposition in an election, according to the latest poll. This time, Bibi, can you lay off the corruption?

I see you: Israel has just launched another spy satellite. Any guess as to where this one will be concentrating? Iran? Ya think?

Right. Feel free to put your own suggested reading in the comments to this post.

Posted in Israel | 3 Comments

The Palestinian civil war gets more serious

Something tells me that fabled “red line” has been crossed. The war has reached Ismail Haniyeh’s house. Too bad it didn’t reach Haniyeh.

Clashes re-erupted in Gaza early Monday when gunmen opened fire in the house of Prime Minister Ismail Haniyeh of Hamas.

There were no immediate reports of casualties in the attack on Haniyeh’s house in the Shati refugee camp next to Gaza City. It was the first time in a month of infighting that Haniyeh was an apparent target, underlining an escalation in tactics by the warring sides.

At least three Palestinians were killed in gun battles between Fatah and Hamas combatants in the Gaza Strip Sunday.

Among the casualties was the imam of a Hamas-affiliated mosque, who was executed by Fatah gunmen.

Earlier Palestinian sources reported that a member of Fatah’s Force 17 plummeted to his death Sunday after being thrown by Hamas gunmen from the 15th floor of a Gaza City high-rise.

The AP titles their piece on the fighting, “Grisly Palestinian Infighting Flares.” Yeah, “infighting.” Like it’s the two most popular girls in school running for Homecoming Queen, not, say, the murder of civilians who get in the way of murdering your enemy.

Rival Palestinian forces clashed in Gaza on Sunday, killing two militants by throwing them out of high-rise buildings.

I’m wondering if Hamas has decided to start saving bullets by throwing Fatah terrorists off buildings instead. But no, probably not. It’s just another war crime that Amnesty International neglects to include in their report on the terrortories, since Israel isn’t the one doing the killing. Witness:

In an especially grisly incident, Hamas militants kidnapped an officer in a Fatah-linked security force, took him to the roof of a 15-story apartment building and threw him off. Mohammed Sweirki, 25, from the Presidential Guard of President Mahmoud Abbas of Fatah, was killed in the plunge.

That set off skirmishes through the city, including gun battles and shelling. Fatah militants surrounded the house of a Hamas mosque preacher and fired rocket-propelled grenades at the four-story building. They then entered, shooting at preacher Mohammed al-Rifati, 40, and taking him away. Later, his body was brought to a hospital. Hamas pledged revenge.

Let’s see, throwing a man off a building, firing at a mosque, murdering a religious man. Where is the world outrage that we saw during the siege of the Church of the Nativity, when dozens of terrorists held the Christian priests captive while the IDF surrounded the church?

Oh, wait. I keep forgetting. When Israel or America does it, it’s a war crime. When Hamas or Fatah does it, it’s “infighting.”

Once again, we here at Yourish.com are rooting for both Hamas and Fatah to win. Kill as many of each other as you can, please. Leave no rival terrorist alive! The thanks of a grateful nation will be yours. The nation will be Israel, but hey—trust me, they’ll be grateful.

Posted in Gaza, Hamas, palestinian politics | 8 Comments

Catching up with the Israel-haters

I got some very good news after my very bad drive back on Friday: Noted Israel-hater and ex-Jew Norm Finkelstein was denied tenure at DePaul University.

Can we have an “amen!” please?

Holocaust industry my ass.

If we keep this up, soon the average college will have to change its Middle East studies program to reflect, gee, the truth.

And in the distance, the sound of the world’s smallest violin is heard.

Posted in Israel Derangement Syndrome | 1 Comment

British anti-Israel protest flops

What if they threw a protest, and nobody came (part 2)? (Part one is here.)

Hamas Prime Minister Ismail Haniyeh addressed around 2,000 pro-Palestinian protesters gathered in Trafalgar Square in central London via satellite on Saturday, who were using the 40th anniversary of the Six Day War to demonstrate against Israel and call for the end of the occupation.

The protest, which had been in the planning stages since the beginning of the year, had hoped to attract some 10,000, however.

That’s the good news. The bad news is that this was yet another step in the continuing process to delegitimize the state of Israel. That’s what the boycotts are all about—ultimately, the boycotters are trying to delegitimize Israel, their ultimate goal being the end of the Jewish State.

The good news is that I don’t see that happening, what with our having to answer to a Higher Authority, who seems to like us more than a little.

Posted in Israel | Comments Off on British anti-Israel protest flops

Presents before breakfast, and not the good kind

Tig and Gracie decided to make my morning about as thoroughly unpleasant as possible. I am habitually weak in the stomach in the morning, as my stomach tends to wake up hours after I do. So I can’t deal with disgusting things in the morning.

This morning, I wondered out loud where Tigger was. On cue, he trots happily up to the back door. With a dead bird in his mouth. Mere moments before I was going to sit and eat my breakfast. And he wants me to let him in.

Not. Gonna. Happen.

So now I have to take dead bird away, and when I do, and put it in about seventeen layers of plastic grocery bag (15 to pick it up, two to make sure it doesn’t break through the bag), Tig starts running around looking for it, so I have to show it to him so he won’t drive me crazy. “See? Dead bird. Good cat. Ugh.”

It was my third clean-up of the morning. I will not go into detail about the others, except to say: Grass. Grazing cats. Plus breakfast.

Sigh.

Tig better watch out. He’s already got an arrest warrant out for him. So far, the score is: Tig 3, birds 1. (I helped one get away.)

Posted in Cats | 2 Comments

120 vanity of vanities!

The latest edition of Haveil Havalim, number 120, is up. Wow, that’s like, ten dozen.

Lots of stuff on the Six Day war there, too. Go have a look.

Posted in Jews, Linkfests | Comments Off on 120 vanity of vanities!

Believe it or not

I don’t know what to say. The whole Elders’ HQ is buzzing like a hornets’ nest that senses an approaching bear and just waits for the command “go”. The problem is, there is nowhere to go at the moment. The wench is dead…

But let’s start from the beginning – which is another lament on the poor state of the Elders’ archive caused by the stupid decision to keep the accounting records in the same building, thus increasing the flammability quotient of the whole sky high. Of course, as a result a lot of information is lost irretrievably, and we are forced to scrounge data by bits and pieces in a most humiliating manner. Like from this story. About this man.

(Being of pluralistic persuasion, I allowed you to settle on a picture of your choice. You may try to guess which one I like most, but no prizes.) The story is translated from Russian with the kind assistance of Babelfish (due to my laziness), so apologies for the result (selected quotes only).

Some see in him a fanatic and pitiless killer, who was desperately rushing forward seeking death, leading the naive and blindly devoted to him people, foolhardily taking other people’s lives in the name of questionable and erroneous ideas. Others consider him a glorious hero, defender of weak and oppressed, romantic leader of entire generations of youngsters.

Who was he in reality, this ardent Latin American revolutionary, who reached the peaks of authority on “the island of freedom” and was killed in the foreign land, the object of devotion by his friends and of hate to his enemies even after death? Only forty years after the death of Ernesto Guevara, the declassified materials from the archives of intelligence services of super-powers opened to us the true background of the improbable and tragic events, which overturned the life of Comandante. New documents bared with penetrating clarity the dramatic fate of the hero, who learned the secret of his Jewish origin, returned to his people and faith and died in search for salvation of the land and people of Israel.

Probably, everything began at the end of 1964. Possibly then Ernesto’s mother, sensing close death (she will die in May 1965) disclosed to her son the surprising history of its life. Celia De La Serna was borne in 1908 into Buenos Aires religious family of Jewish emigrants from Russia. Girl named – Celia in memory of her aunt killed during the pogroms. Until age of eighteen Celia Sheinerman grew in the closed and stuffy emigrant ghetto, getting traditional Jewish education. However, upon official maturity, she immediately left the parents’ house and religion, changed her Jewish name and only an year later married Ernesto Guevara Linch, a native of Argentina a. A year later she gave birth to Ernesto. Neither Che nor his four brothers and sisters ever suspected their Jewish roots.

Celia has thoroughly hidden her Jewishness, without telling about it even to her husband. Nevertheless, not long before death, she entrusts her secret to her dear son. The shaken Che learns that, according to Jewish tradition, he is a Jew and that in the old world he has close relatives along the maternal line. Celia knew from her parents that her brother Samuel, eighteen years older than she, remained in Russia. Like her sister, he left the house of his parents, for Zionist reasons, after refusing to go into Argentina. Celia knew about him only that after the departure of his parents, he left to Caucasus, and from there moved to Palestine.

It is only possible to guess the confusion caused by the revelations of his mother in Che’s soul. Never before thinking much about Jews or about Israel, he begins to study greedily everything he can find about his people. The Jewish state, liberated from the British colonial regime, that knew how to protect itself from the bourgeois Arab regimes won his sympathy in early days, but now he feels that something stronger connected him to Israel.

(Now, now, be patient – the fireworks have not yet started!)

On 19 February, 1965, Guevara arrives to Egypt. In the United Arab Republic, which included then Egypt and Syria, Che will stay for a week week until 24 February. And then on 1 March he reappears in the Nile valley, remaining in Egypt for almost two weeks. But where has the Cuban minister spent the days between February 24 and March 1? The answer to this question became known only in 2007, when some CIA documents were declassified.

On 25 February, 1965, Guevara leaves Egypt for Cyprus, and from there arrives to Israel, having for the first time entered the land of his ancestors. Guevara arrives in Israel incognito, he turns himself to the emigration service in Haifa in the almost futile attempt to find the family of his uncle; and the miracle happens: he reveals that he has a cousin of the same age!

However, the cousin also did not preserve the parental surname. Eventually Ernesto Che Guevara meets in in Tel Aviv this cousin, the commander of the division of the combat training section of general staff, recently promoted to the rank of Major General – Ariel Sharon.

See – I promised you a bomb. But wait, we are not done yet…

Guevara again levels charges at the USSR, hinting that it “sells its aid to people revolutions”, for its own profit. In Moscow the speech is perceived as an insult, relations between Che and Fidel Castro are damaged finally.

On 14 March Comandante arrives into Havana, and on April 1 he writes the farewell letters to his parents, children and his former nearest friend – Fidel, in which, he rejects the Cuban citizenship. In spring of 1965 Che leaves Cuba, heading in unknown direction.

According to the official version, Che appears in the Belgian Congo, where allegedly he trains the partisans for the purpose of the overthrow of government. However, the extremely unsuccessful shooting war in Congo proves the fact that for Che the Congo is only a cover. In reality, he does not stay in Africa and arrives in Jerusalem immediately.

The cousin acquaints Guevara with his friend and contemporary – rabbi Eliyahu Shaar Ishuv Cohen, who occupies at that moment the post of the deputy mayor of the capital. Under the guidance of Shaar Ishuv Cohen, Guevara begins his way to the Jewish tradition, studying Tora in central yeshiva of religious-Zionist movement – Yeshivat Merkaz Ha Rav.

There is more, much, much more in the story, but I am exhausted and our field operatives shall gather more information, so I shall quit here. I am sure that you are exhausted too by now, and that your flabber is thoroughly gasted.

Only one thought would not leave my tired brain.

What does this news do to the poster industry?

Cross-posted on SimplyJews.

Posted in Life, World | 8 Comments

Well, that was a lightshow

Worst. Lightning storm. Ever.

There was some wild weather south of Baltimore tonight, and it hit, well, right about the time I was driving south of Baltimore. It started looking really dicey, so I called Sarah, and she checked online and discovered high wind, lightning, and hail warnings. I have the soft top on the Jeep. I decided to find shelter and wait out the worst of the storm. I found a gas station and parked the Jeep next to a pump, deciding that even if the attendants wanted me to move it, it was staying until the storm passed.

I saw twinned forked lightning. Big. Close. Less than two miles from the gas station. I saw horizontal lightning. I saw backwards loop-the-loop lightning. I saw a Tetris lightning. Really. It was the sideways “L,” facing down. I even saw lightning make a rounded, squiggly rectangle in the sky.

Lucky for me, no hail. But I got some rain. By the time I got to Richmond, it was pouring. The last forty minutes were pretty crappy, especially because the trucks never really slow down enough when it rains. And get on your ass even if you’re in the right lane. Which I was, as I was now tired.

I am heading to bed. Bar Mitzvah tomorrow morning. The last one for a while, I think.

Posted in Life | 4 Comments

The Teacup vs. the Hulk

The friend I am staying with has a brand-new puppy that really, really likes the Hulk. And the Hulk, he’s such a good sport. I mean, really. Look at this.

The Teacup vs. the Hulk

He fell for her. Head over heels.

Her name is Puddin’, and the Hulk simply couldn’t resist her cuteness.

Don’t let it get around that the Hulk was defeated by a Teacup Yorky puppy.

(Yes, Janet, this was for you.)

Posted in Cats | 13 Comments

A magnificent performance

My nephew was superb. The rest of the choir wasn’t bad, either.

Safe and sound in NJ, and busy until sometime tomorrow afternoon. Posting may be a bit light ’til then.

He’s such a sweetie. Tried to let me have his bed and he’d sleep on the sofa. Not on a school night. They’d throw me out of the Aunt’s Guild.

You know how teenagers’ minds are on other things. My brother had told Alex several times that I was going to drive up for his concert. You should have seen the look on his face when he saw me before the show and realized that I’d driven 350 miles today just to see (and hear!) him sing. That made the entire trip worthwhile. I’ll be banking smiles on that one for about four or five years, I think.

They did something special for the seniors in the choir at the end of the show, and their behavior reminded me of my senior year in high school. The last two weeks of school—particularly once finals were finished—I was not on my best behavior at all. And I, well, urged my friends to act up a little as well. “What are they gonna do, throw us out?” I asked.

Well. I did get thrown out of the library, which was quite a feat for me, because my five-books-a-week habit made me a perennial favorite of the librarians. It was one of my proudest moments, though. Almost as good as the sit-down strike I led in gym class earlier that year.

Hm. Come to think of it, I probably shouldn’t let my nephew read this post.

Posted in Life | 3 Comments

Travel day

Off to NJ to see my nephew perform in his school concert tonight.

Be nice to each other while I’m on the road.

I won’t have much time on this trip to visit anyone other than family and old friends. I have to be back for a bar mitzvah on Friday. And it’s a working trip: Both places I’m staying have WiFi, and I will be working on a SharePoint site for Northern VA Company. SharePoint is amazingly simple, and amazingly complex. Yeah, that’s Microsoft for you.

Posted in Life | Comments Off on Travel day

A different kind of anniversary

On the 40th anniversary of the Six Day War, Ukrainian pipeline workers found a mass grave of Jews murdered by the Nazis during the Holocaust. That would be the one that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the man who is counting down the days to Israel’s defeat, says never happened.

A mass grave holding the remains of thousands of Jews executed by the Nazis during the second world war has been discovered in southern Ukraine by workers digging pipelines.

The workers stumbled upon the remains by chance last month in the village of Gvozdavka-1, near the Black Sea port of Odessa, Jewish leaders said yesterday.

The discovery provides further chilling evidence of the scale of Nazi brutality in Ukraine, which was occupied by both German and Romanian forces in 1941.

According to Roman Shvartsman, spokesman for the regional Jewish community, the Nazis established a ghetto near the village. In November 1941 the ghetto was transformed into a concentration camp and at least 4,000 Jews were killed at or near the site between the end of 1941 and the beginning of 1942.

The world media has been full of news articles spinning the 1967 victory as a “disaster” for Israel. A “wasted victory.” 40 years of “bitter harvest.” I have two words to say to those people: Bull and shit.

The world would have stood by if Israel had lost the war, and tsk-tsked as Israelis were slaughtered by the Arabs—who threatened exactly that: Extermination. The Saudi king, in an interview contained in the documentary “Six Days in June,” said the Arab goal was “extermination.”

Charles Krauthammer, quoting Michael Oren, points out another Arab threat of complete destruction of Israel’s Jews. (The PLO, remember, was formed three years before there were any “occupied territories” in Israel.)

Egypt, already in an alliance with Syria, formed an emergency military pact with Jordan. Iraq, Algeria, Saudi Arabia, Sudan, Tunisia, Libya and Morocco began sending forces to join the coming fight. With troops and armor massing on Israel’s every frontier, jubilant broadcasts in every Arab capital hailed the imminent final war for the extermination of Israel. “We shall destroy Israel and its inhabitants,” declared PLO head Ahmed Shuqayri, “and as for the survivors — if there are any — the boats are ready to deport them.”

These were the words of the true aggressors of the war:

Nasser ordered the UN Emergency Force, stationed in the Sinai since 1956, to withdraw on May 16. Without bringing the matter to the attention of the General Assembly, as his predecessor had promised, Secretary-General U Thant complied with the demand. After the withdrawal of the UNEF, the Voice of the Arabs proclaimed (May 18, 1967):

“As of today, there no longer exists an international emergency force to protect Israel. We shall exercise patience no more. We shall not complain any more to the UN about Israel. The sole method we shall apply against Israel is total war, which will result in the extermination of Zionist existence.”

An enthusiastic echo was heard on May 20 from Syrian Defense Minister Hafez Assad:

“Our forces are now entirely ready not only to repulse the aggression, but to initiate the act of liberation itself, and to explode the Zionist presence in the Arab homeland. The Syrian army, with its finger on the trigger, is united….I, as a military man, believe that the time has come to enter into a battle of annihilation.”

Nasser challenged Israel to fight almost daily. “Our basic objective will be the destruction of Israel. The Arab people want to fight,” he said on May 27. The following day, he added: “We will not accept any…coexistence with Israel…Today the issue is not the establishment of peace between the Arab states and Israel….The war with Israel is in effect since 1948.”

The fact that Israel still has most of the territory captured in 1967 is not due to religious Jews or the “settler” movement. It’s because the Arab League met in Khartoum shortly after the war ended, and declared the three no’s: No recognition, no negotiation, and no peace with Israel.

Odds are that everything but the eastern half of Jerusalem would have been given back, if only the Arabs had agreed to live in peace with Israel.

Now, the Palestinians will have to settle for much less of the territory they could have had in 1967, and the Syrians may never get back the Golan. But the world should stop blaming Israel for doing her utmost in 1967 to prevent the discovery (in some horrible alternate universe), sixty years later, of mass graves of Jews—which doubtless would have been received by much head-shaking and tsk-tsking, while the elites wrote letters to the editor and op-eds about how Jews never should have tried to establish a state in the heart of the Arab world.

Fortunately for us, that scenario never came to be. With God’s help (and with a little help from the IDF and some flat-out Jewish ingenuity), it never will.

Posted in Holocaust, Israel | 5 Comments

Honest Reporting on the Six Day War

The Six Day War report without the anti-Israel spin. Or check out the Jewish Virtual Library, one of my all-time favorite places for the history of Israel and Judaism.

Posted in Israel | 1 Comment