Arrest Warrant Issued in Wisconsin

This post was originally published on June 18, 2005.

Tigger stands over a bluejayRICHMOND, VIRGINIA—An arrest warrant was issued in Wisconsin for the murder of a bluejay by Tigger Yourish of Richmond, Virginia.

Following the highly unsuccessful attempt to allow hunting of feral cats, the Cheeseheads are looking for more publicity and have seized on the murder of innocent birds by domestic cats.

“Domestic cats are fed by their owners. They don’t need to hunt. It’s murder,” said J. Goldberg, a spokesman for the Friends of Cat-Haters of Wisconsin. When asked how they expect cats to overcome their instinct, the spokesman said, “Instinct, shminstinct. It’s murder, murder I tell you! They’re not like dogs. Dogs don’t hunt animals for no reason.” When asked about the many breeds of hunting dogs who kill rabbits, moles, squirrels, and other small animals, Goldberg said, “Well, dogs are different. Dogs are, uh, well, they’re not cats!”

Meryl Yourish, owner of Tigger, said, “Oh, please. It’s bad enough he killed the damned thing before breakfast. I don’t think anyone should have to get rid of a dead bird before they’ve even had their breakfast.”

The alleged killer, when questioned about the murder, said, “Mrowr?”

Yourish said there is no truth to the rumor that the anonymous tip was placed by Gracie. “I know she wants to be an only cat, but to go this far? I don’t think so.”

Gracie could not be reached for comment.

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6 Responses to Arrest Warrant Issued in Wisconsin

  1. Rahel says:

    We’ve got plenty of bluejays here. Wanna bring Tig over? With Gracie, of course.

  2. Reminds me of my friend Bill’s cat, Gremlin, who was actually able to take out squirrels. Now that’s something you don’t want to have to clean up after!

    Fortunately, Gremlin lost interest in the squirrels after killng a few of them. I think she was just interested in it while it was challenging.

  3. Jim Katz says:

    Fats and Kludge are no longer allowed out in the garage for that reason. All I found was a pile of feathers…

  4. soccer dad says:

    Tigger and Dave Winfield.

    Oh he didn’t kill a Blue Jay, it was a sea gull. But it happened in Toronto.

  5. Walter E. Wallis says:

    It was clearly self defense!

  6. The funniest thing about this episode is that the entire local bluejay population spent the rest of the day hanging out on the roof of the adjoining apartment, shrieking at Tig. He was utterly oblivious to them.

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