Now that’s one hell of a wave: The Japanese tsunami cracked the ice shelf in Antarctica, hard enough to cause new icebergs. Expect the global warming idiots to ignore this evidence, or spin it as AGW.
There’s gold in them thar hills: Gold is considered a very safe haven for your money now. I wish I’d listened to Glenn Beck. Oh, wait. I didn’t have the money to invest. Never mind.
It was the Tea Party what killed the beast: Shyeah. Really. Because a mile and a half of debt wasn’t the reason S&P downgraded us. (In related news, my procrastination probably saved me half my Roth IRA funds, as they’re still sitting waiting to be assigned to a stock. Phew.)
Those ever-so-superior Europeans: They are, you know. It’s not like Londoners would ever riot, loot stores, and go after the police, or anything like–oh. Wait.