Ew, Jew Cooties, Part 2: Toldja so. The Iranian is denying touching an Israeli. It’s just a Zionist lie, you see. He never shook hands with a filthy Jew Zionist.Hey, it’s more than just his job at stake. In Mad Mahmoud’s Iran, his life is at stake.
No, not the burekas! The IDF is cutting out the calories, and the soldiers are losing what makes life worth living: Rugulach and burekas. How is this tragedy not front-page news around the world?
But I thought the Palestinians want peace with Israel: The IDF arrested another nine terrorists, complete with explosive device, in the West Bank yesterday. But hey, they really, really, really want peace with Israel. The bomb was for, uh, wait—give me a minute—I’ll think of a peaceful purpose for a bomb… Nah. I’m empty.
Scottie the Hottie, also a friend to Israel: Here he is, lighting a Chabad menorah. There’s also his position paper on Israel, which is awesome. I liked him even before I knew this. Now I wish he was single.
Blasting out tree stumps.
(And then hurling the stumps at passing cars owned by Jews.)
-ls
Sounds like the IDF put a food puritan in charge of the fitness division, a guy who can’t stand to see someone enjoying what he eats. I reckon he’s Israel’s Michael Bloomberg. Watch out if he runs for mayor of Tel Aviv.
In 1862 the US Navy went dry for the first time. Officers compased a song to the tune of “Three Jolly Coachmen” to lament this development, called “Farewell to Grog”. Here is a verse in imitation of that song, to lament the demise of traditional Jewish goodies in Zahal.
Yet memory oft will backward turn and dwell with fondness partial,
on days when rugulach was not a sin nor burekeas brought courts martial.
For tonight we’ll merry, merry be,
For tonight we’ll merry, merry be,
For tonight we’ll merry, merry be,
Tomorrow we’ll be dieting.
As for the Arabs with the bomb, everybody makes the same mistake. They think the Palis said “We want to live in peace with Israel.” If you consult the original Arabic, what they said was “We want to live in pieces of Israel.”
Reminds me of the Allen Sherman song that ends
For my diet starts tomorrow
But today I’ll drown my sorrow,
In a double malted milk.