Okay. I can only say three things:

I did NOT see that coming.

Whoa. I didn’t see THAT coming.

HOLY CRAP! I DIDN’T SEE THAT COMING!

More lies out of Iran. Now they say that the general who swore that Iran would attack Israel if the U.S. attacks Iran — had no authority to say it.

(AP) The Iranian military on Wednesday rejected a statement from a top Revolutionary Guards commander that Israel would be Iran’s first target in response to any U.S. attack, an Iranian news agency reported.

Brig. Gen. Alireza Afshar, deputy to the chief of Iran’s military staff, said the statement by Mohammad Ebrahim Dehghani “is his personal view and has no validity as far as the Iranian military officials are concerned,” according to the Entekhab News Agency.

[...] The Entekhab News Agency said Afshar was asked about Dehghani’s comment at a book exhibition in Tehran.

“Mr. Dehghani was the spokesman of a military maneuver which ended on April 8, and his statement is his personal view and has no validity as far as the Iranian military officials are concerned,” Afshar was quoted as saying.

Yes, and we believe this, because Iran has always been so consistent in all of its statements.

No, wait, the only consistency in Iranian statements is the fact that they want Israel to be destroyed.

I don’t think we can blame Israel for taking the Iranians at their word. We’re not all as blind as Juan Cole.

Although it is entirely possible that Israeli responses may actually be penetrating the Mad Mullahs’ hiding places.

Israeli elder statesman Shimon Peres reacted to Dehghani’s warning with a call for Iran to scrap its nuclear program and a warning of his own: “Remember that Israel is exceptionally strong and knows how to defend itself.”

I think if you read between the lines there, you might find the words “third-strongest army” and “kick your Iranian asses out of the Persian Gulf.”

I think the Israeli war of words is finally going to start heating up, now that Olmert feels more secure.

Zacarias Moussaoui gets life in prison.

I think that was the correct verdict. He is clearly insane, and he lied about his role in the 9/11 plot.

Plus, he doesn’t get to be a martyr, which really pisses him off, I’m sure.

Apparently, ten thousand armed groups of bloodthirsty maniacs wasn’t enough for the Palestinians, so Fateh is spinning off yet another group to counter the latest spin-off group from Hamas…

Gunmen from Palestinian Authority Chairman Mahmoud Abbas’s Fatah movement on Wednesday announced the formation of a 2,000-strong militia designed to counter new police forces loyal to the Islamist Hamas government.

“The (Fatah) force will be assigned to protect Fatah’s sons and Fatah’s institutions against attacks, whether from Israel or from parties inside the [PA] home,” said Al-Mua’tasem Billah, a spokesman for the new Fatah militia.

The creation of such forces has intensified fears among many Palestinians of violence between feuding factions that could further destabilize an already chaotic security set-up.

Sure, these groups add new members from the high schools and colleges that they’ve used to finish the brainwashing and terrorist training they’ve drilled into them since birth, and loyalties are established young.

However, after watching the Houston Texans totally blow their first pick in the NFL Draft on Mario Williams after passing over Reggie Bush and keeping David Carr instead of going for local hero Vince Young, I wonder how things would be if there were a PLO Draft where the terror groups had to recruit members in order.

“Well, Hassan Al-Nasser had a strong showing at the Workout Camp, but the Al-Aqsa Martyrs Brigades is heavy with suicide bombers and seriously needs suicide bomb-belt makers.”

“Islamic Jihad sure is hitting the snipers hard in this round. You’d think they’d be recruiting from Al-Aqsa University, but it looks like Nablus is producing a fine crop of fanatics this year despite cutbacks in ammunition due to Title IX.”

“Yeah, Mohammed Al-Mohammed Ramzi should have declared last year instead of going another year in school. That accident at the pep rally cost him an arm, an eye, and a pretty large signing bonus this year.”

“Wait… it looks Like PFLP is going for Susan Tighe of Evergreen University. Everyone thought they’d go for a first round tunnel-digger like Hamas did, but apparently they’re going the human shield route. Evergreen sure has a history in that field, don’t they?”

“Well, just wait until Juan Cole joins up with the Yale program… they’ll be churning out spokesmen and appeasers by the dozens.”

Yes, we’re still on vacation this week. But, well, Tom’s in Tonga. And Tonga just got hit with an 8.0 on the Richter scale.

Assuming Tom wasn’t crushed in the rubble or isn’t swept away by a tsunami, I think we can look forward to one hell of a podcast next week.

(Of course I’m worried. But he’s going to laugh at me when he gets my email.)

Update: More information from Australia.

Tongan police had no immediate reports of damage or tsunami in the capital Nuku’alofa.

A witness on the island, however, said the electricity grid had gone down in the aftermath of the quake.

“It was the biggest quake we’ve ever felt,” a Tongan police officer told Sky News, adding that it “lasted about one minute and 30 seconds”.

Television reports said the quake was felt in several islands around Tonga.

A minute and a half. Huh. Okay. Not going to make my comment about 90 seconds. Not. Going. To. Post. It.

Update: Turns out the earthquake was three minutes long, leading to even more jokes I will not say. And Tom has survived it quite nicely.

The comments on the post about the upcoming X-Men movie got me to thinking: What are your favorite comic book movies and, pursuant to that, what are the best comic book movies ever made?

The qualification of “comic book movie” is that the film is based on a real comic book, or is a film about comic book-style superheroes, like the recent Sky High or The Incredibles. For example, none of the Star Wars films count as comic book movies.

My favorite live-action comic book films, in order of the ones I liked the best:

Batman Begins
X-Men
X-2
Fantastic Four
Superman
Superman II
Spider-man
Hulk
Daredevil
Spider-man 2

The Incredibles is definitely one of the best comic book movies ever made, but I don’t think an animated film belongs on the same list as live-action films. So it’s in a league of its own for now.

What are your favorites?

And, for fun, what do you think is the worst comic book film ever made? There are so many to choose from: Supergirl, Superman IV, Judge Dredd, The Punisher — I’ll leave that list to you folks. But I have a very soft spot in my heart for Judge Dredd. My best friend’s husband has a routine that he’s done for years. He pretends he’s Sylvester Stallone practicing his lines for the movie: “I am the LAW. I AM the law. I am THE law.”

Hilarious, even after all these years.

Dead man walking Hassan Nasrallah has given Israel more reason to send him a Hellfire missile greeting card. He admitted publicly what we have known for years: Hezbullah is financing palestinian terror organizations. And thus we have another admission that Iran is at war with Israel, and has been for years. Not that anything’s wrong with that, according to the UN.

BEIRUT - The leader of Hezbollah acknowledged giving militant Palestinian factions financial and political support, but denied arming them, in an interview published on Thursday.

Sheik Hassan Nasrallah did not name the groups in an extensive interview with the Lebanese daily As-Safir, but Hezbollah is known to have close ties to Hamas and Islamic Jihad.

“They have fighters and expertise. They can produce a missile by logging on to the Internet,” Nasrallah said.

“What they need is financial, political and media support. And we do not deny that we help them on those fronts,” he added.

(more…)

Yom huledet Sameach!

Happy birthday, Israel. Long may you thrive.

Hamas yesterday called for palestinian terrorists not to attack border crossings, like the Karni Crossing. One would assume that this is not an ironic statement.

Palestinian Prime Minister and Hamas leader Ismail Haniyeh appealed for the first time on Tuesday to gunmen not to launch attacks against border crossings needed to bring vital humanitarian supplies into the Gaza Strip.

Haniyeh’s call to exclude border crossings from attacks came nearly a week after Palestinian security forces said they seized an explosives-laden car near the Karni commercial crossing on the border with Israel after exchanging fire with its occupants.

“I stress the need to protect the vital interests of the Palestinian people, including the crossings that represent the veins and the lungs of the Palestinian people,” Haniyeh said at the beginning of a cabinet meeting.

“All should stay far away, as much as possible, from the crossings, the gateways to the outside world, and avoid creating any disruptions … so that our private sector, the ministries and the government can continue to be able to bring in the needs of our people,” he said.

Yes, one might assume that this is not an ironic statement.

One would be wrong.

A senior figure in Hamas’ military wing gave orders for an attempted terrorist attack which was thwarted by Palestinian Authority security forces at the Karni crossing last Wednesday, the Shin Bet said Sunday.

Orders for the attack were given by senior Hamas man Ahmed Randor, though the actual attack was to be carried out by the Palestinian Popular Resistance Committees, the Shin Bet said.

This is what happens when you elect terrorists to run your government. They continue to mount terrorist attacks, support terrorism, and commit terrorism.

Why anyone would be surprised to learn this is beyond me.

Sweden, last seen here for pulling out of military exercises because Israel was taking part (ew! Jew Cooties!), has decided that its government officials will not, after all, meet with Hamas.

Sweden’s prime minister ruled out on Wednesday a visit by a politician from ruling Palestinian party Hamas, saying Sweden would not give him a visa because the European Union brands the Islamic group terrorists.

[...] Persson’s stance appeared as a shift in Sweden’s position. The foreign minister has earlier said that Hamas members were free to visit privately but would not meet government officials.

Three steps backwards, one step forward. That’s Israel’s relations with the world in a nutshell.