The return of the episode summary: Heroes version

Actually, it’s a mini-episode summary. With no real spoilers.

[SOMETIME NEXT YEAR]
MAMA PETRELLI: Peter, you have to remember! You have to!
PETER: Okay. [remembers everything] Mom? Holy cow! Your special ability is guilt!
AUDIENCE: Oh, like that’s a superpower? You live in New York and you’re unfamiliar with mothers making their kids feel guilty? You’re Italian and you don’t know about guilt? Yeesh.
NATHAN: I’m not! You have no idea how much that woman has ruined my life.
AUDIENCE: Oh, shut up and shave. Stop whining, you big baby.

[SOMETIME THIS YEAR]
OLD MAN PARKMAN: Muahaha, I have the power to bring dead actors back to life so that the fans won’t be too upset that we killed off D.L.
NIKKI: Ew. Send him back to the grave. He doesn’t love me anymore.
AUDIENCE: Didn’t we see this last year with Candice? Recycling plots already?

MOHINDER: Bob, I have a confession to make. Even though only two weeks ago I believed you were part of an evil organization that is bent on ruling the world by subjugating mutants and their powers, I’m going to confess to you that I’m working with Noah Bennett to take down your company and probably kill you all.
BOB: What’s up, Doc? You’re either with us, or you’re with Adam.
MOHINDER: Who? What? Gee, could you get any more symbolic? Adam, Eve, blahblahblah. Who am I supposed to be? God?
BOB: Nah, that was your dad. By the way, take this gun so you can shoot Bennett in the eye for us, would you?
AUDIENCE: Oh, yeah, like he’s really going to die. Please. But if you can kill off that whiny boyfriend of Claire’s, we’d be grateful.
WHINY BOYFRIEND: Hey! What’s wrong with me? I’m cheerful, smart, I can fly, and I get to make out with Hayden Paniettiere.
AUDIENCE: What are you, like 30, and you’re playing a high school kid? Please. Major “Ew” factor going on here.

More later, maybe.

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7 Responses to The return of the episode summary: Heroes version

  1. Sabba Hillel says:

    Why expect Claire to solve things. Since we know that powers are not unique, they should be looking for someone with Linderman’s power. Of course, he would probably heal the virus so that it is healthy and able to grow well.

  2. Elisson says:

    Save the Cheerleaders. Collect them all. Win valuable prizes.

  3. Sabba Hillel says:

    Notice how “Dad” didn’t bother to pick up on the fact that her boyfriend can fly. How about adding in some dialog about how she picked a boyfriend that is like her “real” father (Nathan).

  4. The Doctor says:

    When is Peter going to realize that he was in contact with Sylar and has the ability to eat brains for fun and profit?

  5. Why would he? Peter is a power sponge. All he has to do is come into contact with a power, and it’s his forever.

    He’s also not a murderer in any way, shape, or form. He couldn’t even take out Sylar last season.

    It isn’t in his character. He’s good, not evil. Comic characters tend to come in one or the other; rarely both.

  6. Bob says:

    The writer’s strike came none too soon.

  7. The Doctor says:

    Doesn’t matter if he’s the good guy if he doesn’t need to. Point is that he could if he wanted to [and let us remember, good guys in the comics never get evil for the sake of a plot twist, right?], and it could be an amusing plot development if things get too dull…

    And sources tell me Joanna Cassidy is the last unidentified member of the Legion of Geriatric Superheroes. Oh boy!

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