It’s a good thing I’m Jewish

First, I find this headline in the JPost:

Pope revises Vatican stance on ‘limbo’

And of course, it’s not about the Jamaican dance with the pole, which I’m sure you were all wondering. (If that were the case, the headline would be something like: “Pope says limbo is fun, not sin”.

Anyway, the limbo story is about how babies may not actually have to burn in eternal hellfire if they die before being baptized. (Once again, Me=Glad, Jewish.)

Pope Benedict XVI has reversed centuries of traditional Roman Catholic teaching on so-called limbo, approving a Vatican report released Friday that says there were “serious” grounds to hope that children who die without being baptized can go to heaven.

So phew, big sigh of relief for the babies, and then, I’m checking out the ABC newswire, and what do I find?

‘Antichrist’ Cancels Visit to Guatemala

Holy cow! Eternal damnation and the antichrist, all in one day!

An American religious leader who calls himself the “Antichrist” canceled a visit to Guatemala after the Central American country barred him as a security risk, saying he provokes conflict with Roman Catholics and evangelicals.

Puerto-Rican born Jose Luis de Jesus Miranda wears the number 666 tattooed on his arm and claims a following of 2 million people, most in Miami, where he lives, and Colombia. His Growing in Grace church holds a congress every year in different locations in the Americas.

Huh. And we all thought the antichrist was supposed to be Jewish. Guess not, huh? But this guy is one lame antichrist.

He had vowed to defy the ban but canceled Saturday and will instead address the gathering in a video teleconference, said the sect’s head pastor in Guatemala, Jorge Batres.

“We’re a church respectful of the law and we will have to wait until the judge gives us an injunction,” Batres said.

Respectful of the law? Did this guy not see “The Omen”? Did he never see “The Exorcist”? Man, does he not know his devil lore or what? Geez. (Sorry.) What kind of lame-o antichrist is he?

You don’t suppose—could he be—a phony?

De Jesus Miranda preaches that sin and the devil do not exist. In January, he declared that he and his followers were antichrists because their beliefs supersede those of Jesus Christ. The Bible describes the Antichrist as someone who will fill the world with wickedness but be conquered by a second coming of Christ.

Oooooooh. My bad.

This entry was posted in Humor, Religion. Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to It’s a good thing I’m Jewish

  1. Bob says:

    Now Meryl, it’s not nice to point to the frauds who claim they’re “Christian” as representative of the Faith – and yes, I did just call the Pope a fraud. Somehow I get the impression from the Christian Scriptures that Jesus wasn’t much into big mitred-hat pontification, big mega-church consumer marketing or big-haired televangelism. It seems to me G-d chooses the small things to show His greatness.

    Yes, I must agree with you. You are indeed blessed to be among G-d’s Chosen People, but don’t let it go to your head. As the Christian Scriptures say: (1 Corinthians 1:26-29) For consider your calling, brethren, that there were not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble; but God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong, and the base things of the world and the despised, God has chosen, the things that are not, that He might nullify the things that are, that no man should boast before God.

    So call me a fool if you must – but flattery will get you nowhere.

  2. Chris L. says:

    I understand that limbo hasn’t been taken seriously among Catholics for many years and that very few believe that non-baptized children go to hell. It’s also a question that the pope has been addressing since the 1980s apparently. The belief that unbaptized children descend into hell seems limited to Augustine, who as the article points out, said that unbaptized children suffer only the “mildest condemnation” (whatever that is. A two-fingered eternal spanking perhaps?)

  3. Joseph T Major says:

    Isaac Asimov [okay, Yitchak bar-Yisrael] once described a cartiin idea he had once had.

    It is the office of the Devil himself. A fiendish subordinate is poking his head through the damned door, and saying in a Hellish way: “Boss, what do we do with all the Catholics who are down here for eating meat on Friday?”

  4. Michael Lonie says:

    Is this here Miranda feller a lawyer? Prophecy says that the Antichrist will be a tort lawyer. And he has tgwo million followers? Riiiight.

  5. Alex Bensky says:

    Well, Jerry Falwell has said that the antichrist is a male Jew living now. I am a male Jew living now, if you can call this living. I’m not saying anything one way or the other, just pointing this out.

  6. The Doctor says:

    According to legend, St. Augustine was once asked how he reconciled the concept of a just and merciful God with the doctrine of infant damnation. He replied “Sometimes God is called to do things in his official capacity that he personally deplores…”

  7. Bert says:

    I’m glad I’m Christian Reformed.

Comments are closed.