So I caught the last part of the 1950s Ten Commandments, and I had forgotten that yes, it’s pretty cheesy. Actually, no, I remembered that. What I’d forgotten was that they had a Passover Seder even before Passover occurred. There were the cups of wine, the unleavened bread, the bitter herbs, and the invitation to the stranger to come and eat with them (though she wasn’t really a stranger, she was the woman who found Moses in the Nile). Oh, and I think they were trying to imitate the way we chant Hebrew, but I gotta say, when you chant English that way, it sounds really, really stooopid.
And, like, what the hell was that thing on Yul Brynner’s head? Did they glue on a spare braid from a Cowboys & Indians movie? Man, it looked dumb. But hey, he made a much better Pharoah than the new guy, and they didn’t use eye makeup on him, either.
Ooh, they’re blowing the shofar. Funny, it sounds like a trumpet. Let’s see, fifteen minutes left — almost time for the Red Sea, during which scene Charlton Heston will look holy and noble, but will not go “Argh! Ugh!” like his staff weighs two hundred pounds.
I had forgotten that when they wanted to add verisimilitude, they had guys walking around with no shirts and wearing only something around their waist. Except these are the guys who are old, ugly, and out of shape. Thank goodness that custom has changed, because I think I just went temporarily blind at the sight of the ugliest bare chest since Willem Defoe’s in Spider-Man.
All in all, I give this one a seven. No, an eight. Cecil B. DeMille, a cast of thousands, no stupid, boring moralization, and no Sayid flashing those bedroom eyes. Oh, and no British accents, either. Only Yul Brynner’s Hungarian accent, which sounds strangely Egyptian. Okay, well, it does after the four cups of wine you’re supposed to drink for Passover.
There you go. New drinking game for the Ten Commandments films: Every time they do something that wasn’t in the Torah, take a shot. You’ll be drunk in half an hour.
Joshua, directing traffic: “Levites to the center! Judah to the left! Hebrons (huh?) to the right! Go!”
Ya gotta love it. All this, and Edward G. Robinson, too.
What always grates my teeth is having them call Yocheved “Yoshebel” and Tzipporah “Zeffara”. If they can get some of the medrashim correct, then why do they have to totally change the names that even goyish actors can pronounce. Also when they have “Joshua” run out to splash bloode on Edward G. Robinsons door because his “girl friend” is in there. It was totally gratuitous.
Then having Charleton Heston wandering aroud the mountain without a response so that they could use up 40 days and nights was ridiculous.