Stupid, boring magician thinks of newer, dumber, more boring stunt

David Blaine is going to live in an aquarium for a week. Tedium follows.

NEW YORK (AP) – David Blaine intends to sleep with the fishes – but only for a week, and in full public view.

The 33-year-old magician will perform his latest stunt by living underwater for seven days and nights in a “human aquarium” in front of New York’s Lincoln Center.

He will conclude by attempting to hold his breath underwater longer than the record of 8 minutes, 58 seconds.

I cannot sleep in anticipation! I will not be able to think of anything else besides David Blaine underwater for a week, and then — ohmigod, can I say it? — holding his breath! Wow! Holy cow! How exciting! How fresh! How — stoopid.

Blaine’s previous feats of endurance include balancing on a small platform for 35 hours and surviving inside a massive block of ice for 61 hours, both of which were performed in New York. In 2003, he fasted for 44 days in a suspended acrylic box over the Thames River in London.

You know what I like about the Brits? All these people came over to see him while waving food and laughing at him. I think some even had barbecues beneath him. My kind of people.

I’m really not sure why they call Blaine a “magician.” There’s nothing magical about the stunts he performs. And comparisons to the great Harry Houdini are despicable. Houdini invented death-defying magician stunts, and Blaine’s crappy routines don’t come close.

Among the stunts performed to publicize his American appearances, Houdini escaped from the prison cell that held the assassin of President James Garfield, squirmed from a straitjacket while hanging upside down, and broke free from a packing crate that had been nailed shut and immersed underwater. This showmanship also extended to his act. As a regular feature of his performances, Houdini was shackled and lowered into an oversize milk can filled with water and then hidden by a curtain. Though he was usually able to escape in three minutes, Houdini frequently stayed behind the curtain for up to a half hour, making his re-appearance all the more dramatic.

In your face, Blaine.

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4 Responses to Stupid, boring magician thinks of newer, dumber, more boring stunt

  1. Michael Lonie says:

    Um, how does he propose to go to the bathroom whlle he;s in there? On second thought, never mind, I don’t want to know after all. Yech!

    Now if only somebody would throw a mako shark or two into the tank while he’s in there, we could have some real interesting “stunts”.

  2. But mind that fasting, Meryl. He may lend Hamas leaders some of that experience. They would like to fast for a while, I expect.

  3. Jack says:

    Anybody in New-York cares to show him some insulting messages in the face ? I really liked the guy who flew a hamburger under his nose with an helipcoter during his former crapper “performance”.

  4. Mike says:

    I’ll admit, at first glance it doesn’t seem like a great trick.. But David Blaine is more than just your average magician. He’s more likened to a modern day ninja. Not only is he a master of prestidigitation, he is a master of his own mind and body. He pushes his body to limits only a fraction of people would be able to take without losing their sanity.

    In fuedal Japan, young warriors in their training to become ninja would go into the woods, dig a hole and spend days lying in it covered with brush without food or water. This was simply a test of the mind. How long could they push themselves?

    So again, it’s not a “magic” trick but a superhuman feat that people will just chalk up to magic.

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