The best way to sell newspapers is by producing noisy headlines - this is commonplace. Sometimes, though, zeal of the editor may lead to a headline that really does not do justice to the article it leads. Take this one, for example:

Dream world a strange, scary place for liberals

No buts about it - the headline gets the desired attention. The article, however, is not exactly supporting the headline.

A dream researcher from John F. Kennedy University in California has discovered fundamental differences between the dream worlds of people on the ideological left and the ideological right.

Unquestionably interesting. For a person without a fixed political affiliation who is more concerned with having a good time, the article could become a turning point in his/her life. I would not recommend this article as a prime recruiting tool for conservatives on the strength of the headline alone.

The researcher took a look at several aspects of dreaming as reported by liberals and conservatives.

Among his findings, Kelly Bulkeley discovered that liberals are more restless sleepers and have a higher number of bizarre, surreal dreams - including fantasy settings and a wide variety of sexual encounters. Conservatives’ dreams were, on average, far more mundane and focused on realistic people, situations and settings.

Out of the 134 liberals who participated in the study, 91 per cent said they recently dreamed about sex; only 76 per cent of 100 conservative subjects admitted the same. But Mr. Bulkeley said the two political stripes showed very different tastes in dream partners.

Liberals were far more likely to have sexual dreams about strangers and a variety of partners, while liberal women showed a greater tendency towards same-sex fantasies than their conservative counterparts (24 versus four per cent).

Meanwhile, conservatives dream of mundane events and monogamous sex, writes Chris Lackner.

Another aspect of the research was nightmares:

Liberals showed slightly higher levels of nightmares than conservatives - a statistic at odds with a similar dream study Mr. Bulkeley conducted in the late 1990s.

The study includes some of the dreams recounted by liberals, such as the following nightmare: “I was at a presidential rally where George W. Bush was speaking. There was so much red, white and blue. Bush speaks: ‘There are those who say that we are giving up our civil liberties. But I say, we should be proud to sacrifice our freedoms for America!’ The crowd went wild, clapping, cheering and waving flags. I awoke in a cold sweat.”

Not surprisingly, Republicans had much more benign dreams about their commander-in-chief: “I was friends with George W. Bush and we were working together on his ranch. I was happy to be there.”

So, what do we have here? On one hand, conservatives may have a bit less nightmares and generally wake up better rested and refreshed. On the other - their dreams are quite colorless and are mostly from the realm of “more of the same”.

Liberals: on one hand, they are a bit more prone to nightmares (not much more, though). Their nightmares are very close to what a conservative will consider a happy dream, as it can be seen from the two examples above . On the other hand, their dreams have a lot of steamy and varied sex encounters, with frequency definitely higher than that of an average person’s visits to a cinema or to a video rental.

Taking these differences into account, I would say that the results of this research show a much better chance of a youngster being persuaded to go the liberal way, promised a life of variety and excitement, even if only in the dreamland.

Hmm… Maybe not only a youngster. I cannot say more, what with SWMBO watching over my shoulder here. Enough said…

Cross-posted on SimplyJews

It was gloomy and quiet in the emperor’s palace in Constantinople since the evening of September 26, when the mail pigeon with a message from the Ottoman Sultan arrived.

The message reader clerk that was summoned by His Majesty to read the message, reported lately that it was at the following paragraph

Guided by the principles of Islam, the religion of moderation, tolerance, recognition of the other and all revealed religions, the Ministers believe that it is befitting to the Emperor to retract or redress the said statement, in demonstration of the correct spirit of Christianity in dealing with Islamic issues.

that the Emperor “lost it completely”, as the clerk put it. “He broke three priceless vases of Venetian glass, and then threw on the floor the unique Tupperware set he received the other day from the Russian ambassador and jumped on it… yes, simply jumped on it!” whispered the awed clerk.

Today the emperor summoned his Foreign Minister and sent him on a mission that will encompass all Muslim capitals of the world and includes wallowing in the mud, tearing hair, abasing self in any way required by the hosts and generally showing the deepest humiliation humanly (and inhumanly) possible.

“I simply cannot take it any more, Stavros,” said the emperor embracing his loyal Minister after handing him a protective suit (for wallowing), knees and elbows protectors (for crawling on stone floors) and soothing balm (for banging forehead on same floors). “Please do your best to satisfy these… these…”, the emperor succeeded to say before breaking up in tears.

According to the emperor’s favorite chambermaid, he requested that she purchase several burqas in different colors. No member of emperor’s household ventured an opinion regarding this strange request so far.

Cross-posted on SimplyJews

Dear troll,

I know this is a difficult concept for you to wrap your brain around, because it is obvious that your Mommy and Daddy told you otherwise, but the world does not revolve around you. The fact that you submitted a comment and it did not immediately escape the moderation queue does not necessarily mean that you are being ignored. Some of us have real jobs; jobs in which we have no time to tend to our weblogs from work. I am one of those bloggers. Yes, I know, a blogger with a job is a concept that simply staggers the mind of so many out there; Aaron Sorkin took another potshot at bloggers only last week, in the second episode of his new TV show. It’s popular to denigrate bloggers. But no, really—I didn’t see your comment until long after I got home from work, as the second concept that you may find difficult to believe kicked in: I have a life outside the blog.

Although there are some poor slobs who have proclaimed proudly that they are their blog, that is not this blogger. If I had to stop blogging tomorrow and never take it up again, though I would miss it, I’d get over it and move on with my life. Honestly, I’d find something to do with the time I currently use to blog.

To your next comment: “Why don’t you simply say that this site is for Zionists only?”

Well, as a matter of fact, I did. Some time ago. Years, actually. On more than one occasion. Thousands, actually. This blog became an Israel and Jewish issues blog sometime in 2002. But since you only found my weblog through some search or link from some other blog, and obviously didn’t bother to read even the last week’s posts, your tiny little brain couldn’t contain the knowledge that yes, I freely admit my biases—and have since I first started blogging more than five years ago. On the other hand, your tiny little brain also couldn’t be bothered to read the lines above every single post’s comment box that say:

Leave a Reply. Keep it civil. Comments policy (please read).

It’s even linked. To this post. The one called “Comments Policy.” Where I also say:

This is a No Israel Bashing Zone. Read that post carefully. I mean it, and I will ban commenters who insist they have the right to say what they want.

And that one’s linked. To a post where I state clearly my pro-Israel policy, and my intolerance of anti-Israel (and anti-Zionist) comments, such as the ones you were ready to put on my weblog.

And if that isn’t enough for you, you could simply have searched around a bit and found this post, which I wrote in July, where I state quite clearly that this is a Zionist blog, a fact that is obvious, as I wrote, to anyone with an IQ over room temperature. Clearly, that group does not include you.

Really, you have to be an utter moron not to be able to figure out that my blog is pro-Israel. But for utter morons who can’t read a few simple posts, here are a few clues: The left-hand sidebar has a blogroll called “Jewish and Israeli bloggers.” There is also a large graphic of my award as the winner of the Best Overall Blog from the Jewish and Israeli Blog Awards. On the right sidebar is the Category list. A few categories that might tip you off to my Zionist tendencies: Anti-Semitism, Israel, Israeli Double Standard Time, Israel Derangement Syndrome, and maybe even Jew Cooties. Any of these might have tipped you off that I am a Zionist. All of them together, however, are clues that only the most stupid of trolls would miss. Reading comprehension wasn’t your best subject in school, was it?

I understand. Truly I do. They don’t work you too hard in the schools that taught you to hate Israel and all those who stand for Israel. Your brain atrophies in those schools, as is evident by the inability of most anti-Israel commenters to get beyond frothing madness and illiterate repetitions of Jew-hatred, or quoting Chomsky and other Israel-haters instead of thinking for yourself. Really, all you have to do is regurgitate the same-old, same-old to get that A in Middle Eastern Studies. I know. I understand. It’s hard in the real world, where suddenly Chomsky means nothing to your manager, who wants your project finished on time and in literate sentences. Life is hard out of college for the typical anti-Israel troll. I understand.

But you should understand this: The true comment troll exists for the amusement of the blog owner. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt the need to mock an idiot like you, and I thank you for the chance to exercise my Juvenile Scorn muscles. It’s been far too long, and better you than the subject I really wanted to aim for.

So when your comment wasn’t approved immediately, and you waited (gasp!) an entire hour and 35 minutes to start the insults, you made it easy for me to decide that you would never get a comment approved. When people insult me, I tend to dislike them. I’m funny that way. Must be the Zionist in me. (That was sarcasm, something else that trolls have a difficult time understanding.)

Oh. And yes, I expect you’ll try to frame an answer to this post and send it to me. Not to worry. That’s what Spam Karma is for. It kills trolls dead as I feed it their IP addresses.

Yours is there now.

In closing, don’t let the door hit you in the ass. It’s a Zionist door. You may catch Jew Cooties from it.

Yours in Zionism,

Meryl
Owner and operater of Yourish.com

Sheikh: All must convert to Islam

Under this misleading headline Ynet published an article that may contain the answer to the question that bothers many a thinker these days: why cannot Muslim world accept the unending series of apologies from the Pope?

It is true that Sheikh Abu Saqer (a prominent Gaza Strip preacher and leader of Gaza’s Jihadia Salafiya Islamic outreach movement) said that “the only Christian-Muslim dialogue that is acceptable is one in which all religions agree to convert to Islam.” However, this is not a surprise, after all many other Muslim religious clerics already expressed this opinion, no matter how self-contradictory and stupid it may sound.

But if you read carefully the assorted quotes from Abu Saqer’s speech, one peculiar note could not fail to be noticed: the frequent reference to the Pope’s size. See here:

• little racist pope
• small racist
• this dwarf pope

This clearly shows that our Sheikh has trouble accepting the Pope’s dimensions. He probably expects a much greater size from a religious leader and is disappointed by the current physical manifestation of the pontiff.

We do not know the height or, come to think of it, the weight of the Pope, never considering that there might be a link between girth (to take one dimension) of the pontiff and respect the said pontiff gains with followers of other religions.

Maybe a new approach to selection of the Pope is indicated?

Cross-posted on SimplyJews

So, let’s see if we can parse this article.

2 People Killed By Israeli Army in Gaza

Ohmigod! The IDF killed two people for no reason?

JERUSALEM (AP) - Israeli soldiers killed two Palestinians in the northern Gaza Strip on Friday, the army and Palestinian security officials said.

The attack occurred in a field near the northern Gaza town of Beit Hanoun, which is often used as a base for rocket attacks on Israel.

Wait a minute. They were killed in a field used for rocket attacks? Really? Does that mean they were trying to launch rockets at Israel?

Palestinian security officials said the two people were killed when the Israeli army conducted an airstrike on a car.

Um, hello, AP, were they trying to launch rockets at Israel?

However, the Israeli army said it was not an airstrike, but a group of soldiers who hit two Palestinians who had come to the area to collect launchers used to fire rockets over the past week.

Oh, they were coming to collect rocket launchers. So, um, does that mean they were the people who launched them in the first place? Or connected to them?

Ya think?

Once again, take note of the usual AP style: Never identify the dead palestinians as terrorists, or possible terrorists. Never use a name or even the word “spokesman” for the Israeli army. Always use the impersonal “the israeli army said.” Always rely on palestinian eyewitnesses or “officials” for the facts. And never, ever mention that the kassam rockets that are launched almost daily into Israel from Gaza cause injuries and deaths without using the caveats of “homemade” or “crude rockets.”

According to the AP, Hassan Nasrallah, the chipmunk-cheeked fat slug that leads Hezbullah, is under the world’s protection—so the IDF is backing off its plans to assassinate him. Why? Because world opinion would be against Israel for killing the man who cause the latest war in Lebanon?

Not exactly.

JERUSALEM Sep 29, 2006 (AP)— Israel has quietly backed off its plan to assassinate Hezbollah’s leader because of the international condemnation that his killing would create, the Israeli daily Maariv reported Friday.

During the 34-day war between Israel and Hezbollah that ended Aug. 14, Israel had targeted Hassan Nasrallah for assassination, security officials said, according to Maariv.

Nasrallah went underground, though he repeatedly recorded videos from his hiding place that were broadcast on Lebanese television.

When the war ended, the army recommended that the efforts to kill Nasrallah be called off because his assassination would lead to international criticism of Israel and would ignite an even more violent war, Maariv reported.

However, the government declined to call off the hunt, the newspaper reported.

That sure makes you think that Israel is not going to kill Nasrallah, ever, doesn’t it? But read on.

Nasrallah emerged from hiding on Sept. 22 to address a massive rally in Lebanon celebrating Hezbollah’s fight against Israel. Israel army officials determined they could assassinate him with an airstrike during the rally, but dozens of bystanders also would be killed, Maariv reported.

The government decided an airstrike was not worth the risk, and accepted the army’s recommendation that it should abandon efforts to kill Nasrallah for the time being, the newspaper reported. However, the government did not make a formal decision regarding Nasrallah.

I said somewhere that it took zero courage for that fat rat to show his face for the rally. And that Israel wouldn’t launch missiles at him because they woudl inevitably kill “innocent bystanders” (all of whom are attending a rally celebrating Hezblullah’s “victory” over Israel, but that part never seems to matter, or mean that they’re, you know, “enemies”). But this is the part that I wonder about:

Israeli government spokesman Miri Eisin declined to confirm whether Nasrallah had been a target or if he no longer was being pursued.

I think our buddy Nasrallah needs to watch his back. Don’t go visiting your friends, fatso, because the IDF is still watching you.

The high holidays carry with them a high probability of all kind of supernatural phenomena. There is that special feeling of the air being charged by expectation of some otherworld spirit showing itself to mere mortals and pointing out to us the errors of our ways. This is precisely what happened to yours truly the other night.

Some kind of deity descended to me in the middle of the night, and its luminosity was such that it penetrated every corner of my dark soul. Its face was terrible and too frightening to behold, so I didn’t behold and thus cannot describe it in details. Suffice to say that I was awed enough to listen to every word. This is the discussion that ensued:

“You, SnoopyTheGoon (some nickname this wretch has chosen) are a sinner. No more are we ready to close our eyes on your wicked ways. If you do not do anything to redeem yourself quickly…”

“But I want to, oh deity,” interjected I only too readily, “just give me the chore”.

“Then you are to become the guardian angel of Mulham Assir whom you have dubbed ‘the spitting cobra’. We put you in charge of positive criticism of his articles. No more of your cynical nihilistic views, no more of your kneebiting remarks - is it clear? We have perused the three posts you have written about Mulhie, and this kind of shit must stop. Oh, and you may continue calling him ‘the spitting cobra’, we rather like this fighting image. And stop kvetching or else.”

This is how it came to be that I am saddled with the task of being Mulhie’s guardian angel. My role is now to positively criticize and advise him on his articles, and I have chosen four of them for starters.

Who Can Stop Israel?

Bravo, Mulhie! I am especially proud of your masterly usage of the language reading the following:

The only force that can stop Israel and force it to end the carnage against Lebanon, end the Nazi-like camp running of Gaza, to withdraw from all stolen Arab lands that rightfully belong to one group or another of the Arab nation are the people, the Arab nation. The same force, and only that force can help liberate Iraq.

This is the way, man! No mincing your words, no hiding behind false politeness! You show them Zionazis!

Al Qaeda’s Arabic Discourse: American with a Hebrew Accent?

You are the first, Mulhie, to suspect and to get out of the closet the super-secret link between Al-Qaeda and the Zionists. Some people might wonder at the turn of speech you are using here:

It is amazing how protean “Al-Zawahiri” and his “Al Qaeda” are in their supposedly immutable goals: they promote sectarian slaughter in Iraq (against the “infidel” shias), but they also wish to help the same “infidels” in Lebanon. The Zionist propaganda machine in Washington hastens to dispel the confusion and patch over the strange inconsistency: the Sunni extremists of Al Qaeda, they tell us, have overcome their hostility towards the shias in the interest of their jihad against Israel.

But you, Mulhie, and I - we both know that the Elders took control of Washington ages ago, and the only reason ZOG does not use Hebrew is purely technical - some people just do not take to this difficult barbaric language.

And your clarity of vision is incomparable - you have got to the bottom of so called “Al-Zawahiri”, not to speak about the mythical “Bin Laden” - Zionist agents both, so here. Good job, mate.

Nasrallah - Leadership and Restraint

A lot of ink has been used in attempts to draw a portrait of the leader of the Lebanese resistance against the Israeli aggression, Sayyed Hassan Nasrallah, and to pinpoint those leadership qualities that explain his incredible achievement, namely, leading the Lebanese resistance forces to push the Israeli war machine out of Lebanon and thwarting this phase of the larger plans of the colonialist superpowers for “a new Middle East.”

Some might say, Mulhie, that you went too far with that praise. After all, these Zionist lackey dogs might mention, it is because of Hon. Sheikh Nasrallah that the Israeli war machine got to be in Lebanon in the first place. And that pushing out you hail, they will add, happened only because Condoleezza told them to go away. But you and I, we know better. Don’t we?

Our enemies might also claim that the level of brown-nosing you are displaying in this article is beyond merely shameful, it is even vomit-inducing. But again - you and I are both of Levantine origins, and our noses are fairly brown as it is, so a bit of professional brown-nosing will not make a significant change, will it?

A Word of Advice to the Vatican

This one is the best so far. Your crowning achievement, I swear to Allah. You don’t even suspect how close to the truth have you got in this passage:

The only explanation is that this is his offering of repentance for the sins of his youth, hoping for Zionist mercy. It is pathetically futile: the Zionists will never expunge the Hitler Jugend information from his dossier. It is too valuable and will always be held over his head.

Oh, man, if I could only show you that dossier! I mean, leave Hitler Jugend alone - there are some pictures that will blow your mind away as sure as taxes and Ramadan. The first time I have seen it, I have blown my lunch, man…

And of course, mercy is out of the question. Zionists don’t know no mercy. People who are taught from the tender age to drink goyim’s blood at breakfast time, are not into mercy. Mercy - shmercy, they say.

So, keep plugging, my little spitting cobra. Do not listen to your detractors and remember: any question or problem, here I am, you faithful guardian angel. Keep you nose brown and your tongue sharpened.

Cross-posted on SimplyJews

The Saudis are going to build an apartheid wall on their border with Iraq.

DUBAI, United Arab Emirates Sep 27, 2006 (AP)— Saudi Arabia is pushing ahead with plans to build a fence to block terrorists from crossing its 560-mile border with Iraq another sign of growing alarm that Sunni-Shiite strife could spill over and drag Iraq’s neighbors into its civil conflict.

The barrier, which hasn’t been started, is part of a $12 billion package of measures including electronic sensors, security bases and physical barriers to protect the oil-rich kingdom from external threats, said Nawaf Obaid, head of the Saudi National Security Assessment Project, an independent research institute that advises the Saudi government.

Not that I expect the UN or the Hague to condemn this one.

Saudi leaders worry about Sunni extremists returning home to wage war on the U.S.-allied monarchy or Shiite militants trying to stir up trouble among the Shiite minority.

Nor do I expect to hear any complaints when the Saudis shoot Iraqis trying to cross the border. Wait for it. It wil happen, and the world will ignore the death of civilians. Because Jews aren’t the ones causing them. That’s what Israeli Double Standard Time is all about.

Dignitaries gathered in the Ukraine yesterday to commemorate the 65th anniversary of one of the worst massacres of Jews in the Holocaust:

The massacre began on Sept. 29, 1941, when Soviet Kiev’s Nazi occupiers ordered all Jews to report to a ravine on the outskirts of town.

The Jews thought they would be taken to a ghetto, and Kiev residents recalled their Jewish neighbors lugging their most valuable belongings out to the ravine.

But when they got there, the Jews were forced to undress and gather in lines along the ravine’s steep embankment. There, the Nazis machine-gunned down the crowd, killing at least 33,771 over 48 hours. In the ensuing months, the number of people killed at Babi Yar grew to more than 100,000.

“I saw how the Germans were laughing and joking when they looked at the people they were bringing to their death,” said Nina Isayeva, 82, who came to pay tribute to the victims. “What barbarians they were.”

Moshe Kantor, founder of the World Holocaust Forum that is organizing the events, said that the world’s silence after Babi Yar emboldened the Nazis to embark on their “final solution” of death camps that ultimately killed six million European Jews.

This is one of the events that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad thinks needs more study. I think so, too. Because of this:

The exact death toll at Babi Yar remains unknown. The Nazi executioners recorded the number of Jews killed in the first two days, but there are no exact records of subsequent killings. In 1943, as the Red Army approached to free Ukraine, the Nazis ordered Jewish prisoners to dig up the corpses and burn them.

The Nazis did their best to cover the evidence of their crimes in the final days of the war. They knew. They knew what they were doing, even as they were doing it—or they wouldn’t have tried to cover it up.

The next time that the palestinians, or the Lebanese, or the anti-Israel crowd shrieks “massacre” over two or eight or thirty dead—send them here. Or here. Or here. The next time one of the anti-Israel crowds shrieks that the Israelis are just like the Nazis, send them here. The next time the so-called anti-Zionists compares the IDF tactics to Nazi tactics—send them here.

When last we left Meryl’s Adventures in Neurology, she was in the hospital, undergoing zillions of tests on her brain and heart and carotid arteries, only to discover—nothing out of the ordinary. The numbness went away, and that was the end of that, except for taking Lipitor, for which she will always hate the doctor who prescribed it. If ever you want a medication that will completely destroy your digestive system in every possible manner, then by all means, take Lipitor.

In the intervening weeks, there were no return symptoms until—last week, when our intrepid heroine, working diligently at Large Company In Richmond, had to stand on her feet for much of the day cataloging the department’s library. And the numbness returned, only in a different place—Intrepid Heroine’s legs—and ignoring it didn’t make it go away. In fact, by this weekend, when Intrepid Heroine went to rock-climbing gym to reward the last of her former year’s students with an hour or so of climbing indoor rock walls, her legs were worse than they had been, and got worse as the day wore on, to the point where, first thing Monday morning, Intrepid Heroine called the neurologist for the follow-up she should have had some weeks ago.

Today was the exam, and the upshot is: Take another bunch of blood to be analyzed, but there are three possibilities. 1) Pinched nerve (there’s a fancy neurology term for it that I refuse to Google; pinched nerve was good enough for my parents, it’s good enough for me, dammit!). 2) Underactive thyroid. This is a possibility, which will be discovered by the bloodwork. 3) Plaque in the arteries. This too, will be discovered by the bloodwork.

However, judging from the fact that I have put on a few more pounds this year and am larger than I have ever been in my life, and the fact that the numbness disappears completely when I sleep and only returns when I am standing a lot or sitting in bad positions, I’m leaning (as is my neurologist) towards the pinched nerve. Which, he says, may well have gotten irritated due to the weight gain. Which also means that a simple diet and exercise program will suffice.

You know, I’ve been looking for a reason to really, really diet and exercise. I have failed in my many attempts these last six months. But this? It really sucks, this numbness in my leg, and if losing the weight I put on this year is the key, then damn, I think I can do that.

Of course, if all the above things turn out to be wrong, it’s time for another MRI of various spinal areas. But that can wait until we see if these things work. Anyway, I can still use that old joke that they took a picture of my brain and didn’t find anything.

Ba dum bum.

The flare-up around the interview Clinton gave to Chris Wallace is called a controversy for some reason. I strongly suspect that it is deliberately being made to look like one - to let the mass media have a field day. Meanwhile, left and right both claim a moral victory, and the mudslinging is at its peak.

The whole issue is not worth all the noise - it is admirably resolved by the main protagonists. Here is what Clinton says to Wallace:

So I tried and failed. When I failed, I left a comprehensive anti-terror strategy and the best guy in the country, Dick Clarke, who got demoted.

So, a) a comprehensive anti-terror strategy was passed to Bush and b) Richard Clarke is the best guy in the country. Now let’s listen to the best guy in the country:

Um, the first point, I think the overall point is, there was no plan on Al Qaeda that was passed from the Clinton administration to the Bush administration.

Not that the above absolves Clinton’s heirs in the office of all responsibility in continued incompetence, bureaucracy and blindness. But it clearly shows that Clinton’s administration is at least as guilty of these sins as Bush. Taking into account that Clinton has 8 years versus 8 months given to Bush, the fingerpointing is at least senseless.

Cross-posted on SimplyJews

I’ve been a little busy of late, what with the new job, a new year teaching Hebrew school, and other obligations. So my cobloggers, and especially Snoopy the Goon and Lair Simon, have really stepped in and taken up the slack.

But there’s a problem. Almost none of you are reading the bylines on the posts, and assuming that I’m writing them all. You keep on calling Snoopy and Lair Simon “Meryl,” and, well, they’re not.

They’ve been posting for months, and I expect by tomorrow or Friday Snoopy will have written his 150th post for Yourish.com. Lair isn’t very far behind him, at 129. In fact, Snoopy’s latest post is the 2,000th post since I went to Wordpress. That’s a milestone I gladly give him, because he’s working very hard to make my blog look better, and I’m not paying him one red cent. And now Lair Simon has offered to post the information for the Carnival of the Cats each week, an offer which may not seem very big, but is—it’s one less thing for me to remember to do for this blog, and one more thing many of my readers enjoy.

If you can’t tell the difference between our posts due to writing style (and that flummoxes me no end, as Snoopy and I have extremely divergent styles and Lair is Lair, and is unique on this earth), please take a moment to check the byline before preceding your comments with “Meryl, I think….”

Give credit where it’s due. These guys work just as hard as I to keep this blog interesting to you.

Let’s assume, for the purpose of the discussion, that you have written an article where:

• You declare that Israel today has “the purest Revisionist government in its history“. You forget to mention that the same people who are in government now supported the withdrawal from Gaza. That the same people supported that general you love to hate when he became the first Israeli PM supporting the right of Palestinians for a state of their own.
• You go into the pedigree of some of the current leaders, automatically ascribing to children the views held by their parents and grandparents. Guilt by association - some Stalinist exercise.
• You quote the revisionists, not mentioning that they were a minority in a largely socialist independence movement. And that it was Hagana that was the representative of the majority, not the Irgun.
• You bemoan the cruelty of the Jewish terrorists of Irgun who killed a few British soldiers, forgetting to mention that these were the soldiers of the same army that in cold blood has driven away thousands of desperate survivors of the unspeakable bloodshed who tried to find the promised land.
• You continue to carp on the wrongs on one side completely omitting the historic background. Imagine somebody describing the destruction of Dresden by Allies without mentioning the WW II and the Nazi atrocities.
• You put with obvious relish the following: “Only elements on the far left and some radical Islamists today care to call the Israeli government fascist. And yet…” Of course, your faithful crowd of Guardian regulars does not miss the opportunity to cry “Zionazis” and “Ziofascists” etc. Speak about elements on the far left…
• You resort to sentences like “There have indeed been outrageous and indefensible killings of Israeli civilians, but even that raises more questions than it answers.” and “It is a platitude to say that one man’s terrorist is another man’s freedom fighter.” Of course, it is not a platitude, it is just a deadly wrong crapola. But much abused by a certain category of “thinkers”.

So - assuming that you have written all this indeed, where do you get off and what does all this show?

Simply that you are one Geoffrey Wheatcroft - a thinker that for some reason is too shy to publish at Jewwatch or at BNP place, but otherwise - doing the Der Sturmer proud under auspices of Guardian.

As it was astutely mentioned (by a commenter JimmytheFox):

Bringing Mr Hecht into this Guardian article is masterly, by the way. Were Mr Hecht alive today, he might respond:

“Trying to determine what is going on in the world by reading newspapers is like trying to tell the time by watching the second hand of a clock”.

Cross-posted on SimplyJews

More fireworks:

Thousands of Fatah supporters staged an anti-Hamas march Friday amid growing tension between the political rivals.

The marchers, led by hundreds of gunmen firing in the air, chanted slogans against Prime Minister Ismail Haniyeh and Foreign Minister Mahmoud Zahar of Hamas.

Hamas-Fatah tensions in Gaza have been running high after months of skirmishes between rival gunmen and the assassination of a top Fatah-allied security chief last week.

Earlier Friday, Palestinian gunmen opened fire in the midst of a long group of people waiting to cross from the Gaza Strip into Egypt on Friday and tossed a grenade at Palestinian officials, wounding two of them.

Palestinian sources said the militants were trying to clear the way for their relatives to get closer to the border.

However, the violence ended up causing European monitors to close the border briefly. The crossing was reopened by early afternoon, after Palestinian officers took control of the crowds.

The shooting began shortly after the Rafah crossing opened for the first time in about a month.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They keep teasing us, but the civil war never breaks out. I think Omri’s right—it’s not gonna happen.

John Howard continues to tell the Arab world to suck it up and accept reality:

THE Arab world must recognise Israel’s right to exist if the world is to ever live in peace, Prime Minister John Howard said today.

But he cautioned that Israel must accept the establishment of a Palestinian state if the region and the world is to move forward.

In a keynote speech to a security conference in Canberra today, Mr Howard also warned the United Nations must take a firm line with Iran over the country’s push to develop a nuclear capability if the international organisation was to reassert its credibility.

Mr Howard said that the aftermath of the war in Lebanon demanded that all nations refocus on lasting peace in the Middle East.

“There must be unconditional acceptance throughout the entire Arab world, without exception, of Israel’s right to exist in peace and security behind recognised borders,” he said.

“The entire Arab world – including Syria, Hizbollah and Hamas and in addition Iran – must give up forever the idea that the Israelis can be driven into the sea.”

Much of the Jewish world has long since accepted the reality of a palestinian state. Funny, isn’t it, how the Arab world never really tried to reciprocate, and that includes the palestinians themselves? You know, kind of like Hamas insisting they won’t accept any previous agreements the PA made with Israel because, well, gee—Hamas wants to see Israel utterly destroyed. (Psst—dudes—not. gonna. happen.)

Byzantine emperor Manuel II met yesterday with the emissaries of Turkish Sultan, Egyptian Pasha and several other, less important Muslim ding dignitaries to resolve the outstanding issues.

Reporters from Constantinople Star, Cairo Sphinx, Messopotamia Messenger and other MSM organs were not allowed to be present during the meeting. Due to the exceptional thickness of the meeting room’s door, the discussion remained under wraps. The sounds of occasional thuds, dragging of heavy objects and knocking had their source, most probably, in the ongoing repairs activity in the emperor’s palace.

The senior emissary, Vizier of Turkey, said after the meeting that it was “constructive, positive and to the point”. He refused to be more specific, saying only that the minuscule misunderstanding was resolved to full satisfaction of everyone present. When asked about the slight discoloration on his left cheek and a minor bump on his forehead, his answer was “Oh, just stumbled into a door the other day”.

The emperor has chosen not to speak to the press immediately after the meeting. He was seen during his morning audience for the newly arrived Ambassador of Abyssinia, visibly relaxed and clearly in a good mood. “We are getting much closer with my Mohammedan friends,” he told the gathered reporters, “I can tell you. I believe that there is nothing that cannot be resolved between two good men over a bottle of good wine.”

“Oops…” he added after a slight pause.

Cross-posted on SimplyJews

Mere hours after I point out that the world media ignores the rockets falling on Israelis almost daily—from Gaza, which Israel left, hm, over a year ago now—the AP releases this news article:

JERUSALEM Sep 26, 2006 (AP)— Palestinian militants fired at least two rockets from the Gaza Strip into southern Israel early Tuesday, wounding at least one person, Israel Radio reported.

One of the rockets fell in the town of Sderot and wounded a woman in the stomach, the radio said.

The Israeli army’s spokesman confirmed that one rocket fell near a farming community but did not immediately have details on a rocket falling in Sderot, or any injuries.

No, that’s not all of it. There’s one more paragraph. Remember, most daily newspapers publish the first three or four paragraphs of international news articles on their “International” page. The fourth paragraph?

Palestinians fire rockets into southern Israel almost daily but they rarely cause casualties. Israel began a large military operation in the Gaza Strip at the end of June in an effort to stop the rocket fire.

You see, the rockets get fired every day, but since no one gets hurt, they don’t count. Because it’s not like terrorists are trying to kill civilians on a daily basis. Gee, somehow, Human Rights Watch and Amnesty International rarely seem to get their dander up when it’s Israeli lives at risk.

So the AP editors are on the right track by reading my blog, but there’s one hell of an anti-Israel bias that needs to go.

Heroes, on NBC. Two words: Watch it.

If you ever liked comic books or superheroes, you’re going to love the show.

NBC is repeating it tomorrow night at 8.

I loved it.

They haven’t found the brick yet, but I’m sure we’ll get him. (For non-comics readers, the brick is the super-strong character. Hulk was the brick in the Avengers.)

This week’s Shire Network News is up, and is now officially a Hot Air affiliate.

I wonder what’s going to happen the first time I decided to go left on my contribution?

Anyway, I did not get one in this week, due to the holidays. But I’ll be back next week, and I feel a mocking podcast coming on. Meantime, Tom Paine is back with, uh, a patriotic songfest, Brian says.

Jews don’t count: Say, did you know that Israelis are still suffering from rocket attacks by terrorists? Of course you didn’t. Because the world doesn’t care about Jews getting hurt or killed, only about Jews hurting or killing others. So most news services bury the information deep in their world news stories, so that it doesn’t get published in the three-paragraph “World News” sections of most papers. Or they don’t write about it at all. I’d link to those last, but, well, you can’t link to something that doesn’t exist. Which is my point.

UN Wuss-keeping Force: The UN “peacekeeping” force isn’t going to do anything but march around wearing pretty blue helmets. Color me shocked, shocked, I tell you.

They say they cannot set up checkpoints, search cars, homes or businesses or detain suspects. If they see a truck transporting missiles, for example, they say they can not stop it. They cannot do any of this, they say, because under their interpretation of the Security Council resolution that deployed them, they must first be authorized to take such action by the Lebanese Army.

So, what exactly are they there for? Oh, that’s right. To stop the Israelis from destroying Hezbullah. My bad.

Terrorists speak truth to media, media ignores it: See, the terrorists have been saying all along that they have absolutely no intention of recognizing Israel, and, in fact, that their goal is to destroy the Jewish state—utterly. But the media keeps on pretending that the terrorists don’t mean it. Even when they say things like this:

Opposition to Palestinian unity government mounts: Four armed Palestinian organizations issued a joint statement Sunday saying they would harm any PA government that would recognize Israel, as demanded by President Mahmoud Abbas.

The Popular Resistance Committees, al-Aqsa Brigades, Abu Rish Brigades and another Islamic group (Tawhid) – said they would back any government that would not recognize Israel and fight any government that does.

Resistance Committees spokesperson Abu Abir, who spoke on behalf of all four groups, said, “Any government declaring its recognition of Israel will become a target for our fighters. We will fight such a government with all means necessary and deal with it as though it were a derivative of the occupation.”

And yet, I can have an argument with otherwise intelligent and logical people, who insist that the terrorists don’t mean what they say, and that the palestinians want peace with Israel—even as poll after poll says they do not.

None so blind, eh?

Mel Gibson, Undercover Anti-Semite: Our favorite actor (he’s right down there with shit-for-brains scientologist Tom Cruise) went to a screening of his latest film—in disguise. Please don’t stop snickering on our account. Laugh out loud, if you wish. I did.

He arrived at Cameron on Thursday morning wearing a mask and wig so he wouldn’t be noticed, university spokeswoman Amber McNeil said.

Maybe he’s a secret agent now, and that’s why he was in disguise.

Okay, I’ll stop laughing now.

Oh, no I won’t. Schadenfreude? You betcha.

This one is a must-read for Jews and non-Jews alike. Caroline Glick writes about Jews, Jewish identity, and Israel.

AS STEYN notes, today hatred against Jews is anchored on Israel. Provoked by this new form of Jew-hatred, some Jews, both in Israel and in the Diaspora see Israel as a burden. This is a self-inflicted tragedy. For if we look at Israel, we see that far from being a burden, our Jewish state is one of the most stunning successes of Jewish history.

Today, Israel is the home of the largest Jewish community in the world. More Jews live in Israel today than at any time in our history. And the state in which we live is one of the most vibrant, optimistic, “happening” countries in the world. We have the highest birthrate in the West. Rates of entrepreneurship are among the highest in the world.

[...] Jewish life blossoms in Israel as it has nowhere else in our history. The rates of literacy in Jewish learning in Israel are higher than they have ever been anywhere in our history. Israel is the home of some half dozen generations of Jews whose mother tongue is the language of the Bible and the Talmud.

Israel’s success stems from its serving as a vehicle that allows us to express our heritage in all facets of society. And our Jewish heritage is one of the most precious heritages known to man.

The Jewish people gave humanity the concepts of God, liberty and law. Our understanding of the fallibility of mankind has prevented us from being tempted by false prophets promising us heaven on Earth, and has allowed us to take practical steps toward improving our lot and our world.

All of the ideals that Israel represents, both spiritual and physical, have formed the foundations for human progress and freedom throughout the world for millennia. Our willingness to stay loyal to our identity and our heritage has been the key to our survival throughout the ages in the face of the countless foes who sought to destroy us both spiritually and physically.

[...] Rosh Hashana marks the beginning of the Ten Days of Repentance that precede Yom Kippur. To properly atone for our sins and correct our mistakes, we must understand who we are, what we represent and what we can and should aspire to as Jews. To do this, we must reject the notion that those who hate us can tell us who we are. To do this we must embrace our Jewish identity and uphold our commitment to our collective destiny.

The fact that hatred of Jews has endured for so long says nothing about the nature of the Jewish people. What does speak volumes about that nature is the fact that through the ages our fortunes have been directly related to our ability to spurn our enemies’ distorted portraits of the Jewish people and our willingness to endure and progress as Jews in the midst of that hatred.

This one carries a read-in-full recommendation

The Arab enemies of Israel tried to get a UN resolution condemning Israel’s nuclear weapons. They failed, mostly.

VIENNA (Reuters) - Western nations foiled a bid by Arab and Islamic states on Friday to declare Israel’s reputed nuclear arsenal a threat that must be removed in a politically charged vote at a U.N. atomic watchdog meeting.

Canada sponsored a 45-29 “no-action” ballot that prevented International Atomic Energy Agency member states from voting on a motion demanding Israel use atomic energy only for peaceful purposes and help set up a Middle East nuclear arms-free zone.

But the gathering voted 89-2 for a milder resolution on Israel, also initiated by Arab states, “affirming the urgent need for all states in the Middle East to accept full-scope IAEA safeguards on all their nuclear activities.”

[...] Nineteen nations, including India and Russia, abstained over the “threat” measure, and three in the safeguards vote.

Israel and its closest ally the United States were the sole “no” votes on the IAEA safeguards resolution.

Watch for the seething and whining to occur. This was a non-binding resolution, but the world condemns Israel for not following non-binding resolutions, even while it ignores other nations (Lebanon, Iraq, Iran) for ignoring the binding UN Security Council resolutions. What time is it, kiddies?

That’s right. It’s Israeli Double Standard Time.

I filled up my gas tank yesterday. I’ve been waiting for prices to drop below $2.00 a gallon, and here in Richmond (south side), they did.

The WaWa across the street is a penny cheaper, but it’s a) on the wrong side of the street, b) always too crowded, not worth saving a whole sixteen cents per tankful, and c) doesn’t sell lottery tickets, so when I lotto-pool with Sarah I’d have to make two stops instead of one.

So Chubby’s it is, and this was the total:

You know, I realized as I was about to snap the picture that it would get one of those pictures of me in it, which weirded me out in so many ways, thinking about those creeps who like to put nekkid pictures of themselves in, like, ebay items. So I stepped to the left of the pump and stuck out my arm to take the picture. The most you’re going to find when you look closely is my right arm. Which was clothed. Short sleeves, it was near ninety in Richmond today. We always get good weather for Rosh Hashana.

I find the cheapest prices via Richmondgasprices.com. Most cities have one, either go to mine and click on the link to yours, or type your city’s name in the URL.

You’d be amazed at the difference in prices in only a few blocks.

It’s a trip to Europe for the131st episode of the Carnival of the Cats, hosted by the many creatures filling the House of Chaos with furry chaos.

Oh, and the catmodel of the week is…

Heart may just be a neighborkitty, but he can still be found at TX Oasis.

If you’d like to host the Carnival of the Cats, let me know which week you’d like to host it.

This is pretty huge: Lebanese Christians rallied against Hezbullah. Note, however, the AP bias.

BEIRUT, Lebanon Sep 24, 2006 (AP)— An anti-Syrian Christian leader dismissed Hezbollah’s claims of victory in its war with Israel as tens of thousands of his supporters rallied Sunday in a show of strength that highlighted Lebanon’s sharp divisions.

The rally north of Beirut came just two days after a massive gathering by the rival Shiite Muslim Hezbollah that attracted hundreds of thousands. The two sides have been at sharp odds over the future of the Lebanese government since this summer’s Israeli-Hezbollah war.

Wait a minute, I haven’t gotten to the bias yet.

Samir Geagea, a notorious former leader of a Christian militia, scoffed at Hezbollah leader Sheik Hassan Nasrallah’s declaration that his guerrillas achieved “a victory” against Israel.

A quick look at his Wikipedia biography brings this nugget of information:

Several public figures openly conceded that Geagea’s arrest, trial, and incarceration were engineered by the Syrian-backed political order in response to his movement’s hostile stance towards the Syrian presence in Lebanon.

So how do they describe Nasrallah and Hezbullah in the article a few days ago about the pro-Hezbullah rally?

Hezbollah is armed with thousands of rockets and Nasrallah has said his arsenal survived the Israeli onslaught. He boasted in a TV interview last week that the guerrillas and their weapons were still at the Israeli border in south Lebanon.

The guerrillas have long kept a low profile. They rarely carry weapons in public and have sought to calm the fears of other religious communities in Lebanon by insisting that their arms are to fight Israel and won’t be turned against their fellow Lebanese.