Why I don’t have dogs

This post was originally published on August 2, 2003.

Worf feigning innocenceI stayed at Heidi’s last night. Woke up bright and early because Worf got into the compost can, which is a small garbage can of the type that you have to step on for the lid to open. Heidi used to keep a great glass bottle half-filled with pennies on top to prevent Worf from opening it. So one day Worf knocked the entire bottle off the top of the can. Then Heidi put the pennies into a metal scoop (sorta like those scales). Worf figured out how to knock that off last night. So this morning, because this dog is nothing if not bright, he knocked the scoop of pennies off again. I got up, shooed him and the other two dogs out of the kitchen, and started cleaning up the compost, as everyone else was still asleep, probably because the guest room is closest to the kitchen. I do believe they planned it that way. Sure, what does it matter if their guests get woken up by the dogs? It’s not like they have guests every night.

The dogs immediately take advantage of my distraction by running into my room and seeing if I have smuggled any food. I have not, but that wouldn’t stop Sparty from tearing apart my pocketbook. So I run into the guest room and shoo the dogs out of my room and this time, I close the door behind me. I finish cleaning up the compost, put the compost can in the TV room so the dogs can’t get it again, and go back to my room.

The door is locked.

It locked behind me when I closed it. I am locked out of my bedroom. Inside are all of my clothes, my computer, and my glasses. I can’t even read. Or watch TV. Not without sitting inches away from the screen. And anyway, I don’t want to read. I’m tired. I want to go back to sleep.

Nobody else is awake. I have no idea where the little tools to unlock the doors are. So I lie down on the couch in the Great Room, because the couch in the TV Room, although more comfortable, smells like dog because, well, the dogs lie on it a lot. Heidi gets up about half an hour later, sees me on the sofa, and says, “Did the dogs wake you up?”

We will stop here.

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3 Responses to Why I don’t have dogs

  1. chsw says:

    This is funny in retrospect. However, a smaller canine (or a better trained one) would not have caused as much aggravation. Besides, the dog looks like some kind of Ridgback, and Ridgies are nearly wild anyway.


  2. Yes, Worf was a Rhodesian Ridgeback. It had little to do with discipline and everything to do with the fact that Ridgies are food thieves. Read the breed descriptions. They call it “counter-surfing.” We call it “stealing food.”

  3. chsw says:

    Meryl, there are several dog breeds and mixes that you would probably enjoy having as pets.

    I once had a girlfriend whose 20-pound cat was a counter-surfer. The behavior is not limited to dogs.


    Have a very dairy Shavuot.

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