And now, for your Passover reading pleasure, an insane conspiracy story from Hassan Tahsin of Arab News:

The ransacking of the National Museum in Baghdad was done by Jewish groups that were well trained and organized. They did their dirty work under the supervision of American forces.

The Baghdad National Museum’s security guard told the story to many reporters in the American forces saying, “One American armored vehicle stood in front of the museum’s main gate while it was closed. The vehicle aimed the muzzle toward the main gate and fired the guns at it. Afterwards ten people entered the museum carrying demolishing tools and went to specific locations inside the museum destroying certain pieces of art for four hours continuously. Then they took special art pieces and disappeared. A number of professional thieves then entered the museum and stole valuable things and that was how Iraq’s history was stolen.”

The crime was organized and previously planned and it was implemented accordingly. Confronting the world’s condemnation concerning the failure of the US forces in protecting the rare Iraqi antiques, Washington announced that the incident happened by irresponsible, angry Iraqis who were cursing Saddam Hussein’s government. Their excesses were considered to be a sort of cathartic venting of decades worth of frustrations and hurt under a brutal dictator.

Demolishing and looting the Baghdad National Museum is only proof of the desperate need to take revenge not only from people but also from history. The things that couldn’t be stolen were ruined in spite of the fact that what the ten professional thieves stole was worth millions. After a while, it turned out to be that the thieves demolished the portrait that recorded the Babylonian King the Great Nebuchadnezzar’s triumph over the Jews. He banished 40,000 Jews from Palestine after they tried capturing it and turned them into Babylonian slaves. The thieves eliminated everything that was related to the bleak history of the Jews in Babylon’s exile.

So when you sit around the Seder table, serving your Pesach dinner in ancient Babylonian clay pots looted from the Baghdad Museum, don’t forget to thank the nameless Zionist ninja-thieves.

Happy Passover, folks, and anyone saying “Next year in Al-Quds” gets smacked.

A happy, healthy, and safe Pesach to all my Jewish friends, relatives, and readers. I am off to join the R’s for the Seder.

Next year in Jerusalem!

Welcome to the modern era of tolerance, where one of the standards that has come to be part of the Jewish holiday is the raised security around Jews celebrating their rituals.

It isn’t Christians we worry about.

It isn’t Buddhists who are trying to bomb us.

Yes, it’s the representatives of the Religion of Peace™ who are bent on murdering Jews on our holidays. Why? Because we’re gathered together, so there are more of us in one place, and because a good, new-fashioned holiday bombing makes for page one headlines.

If this post is dripping with acid, it’s because of this:

Concrete terror warnings up
Security authorities dealing with 78 terror warnings, including 16 concrete alerts; three specific terrorism warnings added in past 24 hours; police boost deployment across country, armed guards to be deployed at all synagogues. Hotels in north near capacity

Highest terror alert declared: While millions of Israelis will attend the Passover Seder Wednesday evening, thousands of soldiers will be deployed across the country for fear of terror attacks.

Security will be boosted around synagogues as well, with at least one armed guard placed at every synagogue. Police officials also briefed hotel officials and requested that security be boosted for the holiday.

And this:

Security at synagogues to be tightened during Passover
Moscow, April 12, Interfax - The organizations responsible for protecting synagogues in Russian cities will be put on alert during Passover.

“This is a regular measure: the regime of protection of synagogues by companies with which we cooperate is always tightened during Jewish holidays,” the press service of the Russian Federation of Jewish Communities (FEOR) told Interfax on Tuesday.

Tightened security measures are needed because the number of worshipers at synagogues always increases during Passover, it said.

People wishing to attend celebrations will have to pass a more careful search, and the record of the recent drama at the synagogue on Bolshaya Bronnaya Street in Moscow will also be taken into consideration, it said.

And this:

April 4, 2006 — The mayor and police commissioner told Jewish leaders yesterday that the city will step up security around synagogues and in Jewish neighborhoods for Passover, which begins next week.

Police Commissioner Ray Kelly said authorities have not picked up any new information that requires a heightened alert, but said the increased vigilance is now customary.

The measures include increased patrols in Jewish communities and around places of worship. Heavily armed units known as “Hercules” also will be deployed near major temples and synagogues, as well as other places for large gatherings.

You know, when I was a child, a police presence was required on the High Holy Days — to direct traffic around the synagogues.

The world has changed, and not for the better.

Looks like an aggressive defense actually works. The pals are getting tired of being shelled. Gee. What a concept, not wanting to live with bombs dropping on you.

In the wake of Israel’s escalated response, Palestinians living in the northern Gaza Strip have appealed to the new Palestinian Authority government to take immediate action to prevent gunmen from firing Kassam rockets from their neighborhoods at Israel, a senior Hamas official said Tuesday.

He said the appeal was made in an urgent letter sent to PA Prime Minister Ismail Haniyeh by scores of Palestinians living in Beit Lahiya, Beit Hanoun and other areas that have been targeted by Israeli artillery over the past few weeks.

“They are demanding that we issue instructions to the security forces to prevent the rocket attacks,” the official told The Jerusalem Post. “But how can we stop the rockets when we don’t have control over most of these forces?” he asked.

PA Chairman Mahmoud Abbas recently decided to place most of the PA’s security forces under his direct control, in a clear attempt to block Hamas from controlling them. The National Security Force, which is supposed to prevent gunmen from firing rockets at Israel, reports to Abbas and not Interior Minister Said Siam.

According to the Hamas official, Abbas’s ongoing attempt to cut the powers of the Hamas cabinet is largely responsible for the growing state of lawlessness and anarchy in the Gaza Strip. “These security forces don’t know who their commanders are,” he added. “They’re not receiving clear instructions from anyone.”

Of course, the blame game continues, and probably always will, since it’s been so successful so far.

I thought lying is one of the Seven Deadly Sins. But here is the Latin patriarch of Jerusalem, Catholicism’s highest-ranking priest, lying through his teeth to reporters.

“There is no persecution of Christians by Muslims,” said Sabbah. “But since there is no authority people take the law into their own hands. Muslims do not oppose Muslims, Muslims do not oppose Christians. But there is a general lack of security.”

Huh. Guess all those stories about palestinian Muslims burning down Christian homes were just examples of the palestinian Muslim non-oppression of their Christian brothers and sisters.

By the way, this moron says that Israel should deal with Hamas with no preconditions. Because everything is Israel’s fault.

Hey, Pope: Recall movement here?

By the way, Reuters has chosen today to release a feature about Christian oppression by Muslim palestinians.

Amidst the fanfare of Iranian poster boy’s (see here) announcement about the success of uranium enrichment, a bizarre piece of news went almost unnoticed. Haaretz, courtesy of AP, displays a photo with the following caption:

Dancers performing as they hold capsules of uranium hexafluoride during a ceremony in Mashhad, Iran on Tuesday. (AP)

It looks like Iran is developing not only its military capabilities, but a new art form as well: ballet for nuclear shahids.

Balletomanes of the world are holding their breath in expectation of the unveiling. Indeed, the first glimpses of this unique spectacle are very promising:

• The lyrical Polonaise of nuclear scientists with the Corps de ballet of German and Russian engineers following their slow and erratic movement
• Divertissement of the moment of truth: the senior scientist performs a unique mix of rumba and belly dance, triumphantly waiving his thick glasses in the air, showing off his shins
• Divertissement of the nuclear technician with his tame centrifuge, producing the first sample of enriched uranium
• Pas de deux of Ahmadinejad with the red button
• Mazurka de la nuit: the last Zionists remaining alive run around the scene, feverishly glowing in the dark
• Coda: the Corps de ballet of the world, liberated from the chains of Zionism, dances under the benign, but watchful eyes of the Allah and his Ayatollahs, praising the divine guidance of the Almighty and his Prophet Muhammad (PBUH)

The unconfirmed rumors say that the ballet critics of The Guardian, Independent, Al Jazeera, The Daily Worker / Morning Star are going to publish rave reviews of the new production, being allowed to see some selected scenes.

Cross-posted on SimplyJews