I just think that if your subconscious is going to go through all the trouble of setting up a complex story, one in which you play a major role, which includes flattering the elves into helping you defeat the enemy by telling them they remind you of the elves from The Lord of the Rings, your damned subconscious could at the very least finish the effing dream before the alarm goes off, so that you can wake up knowing that you have defeated the evil computers. (And not wake up wondering “WTF? Did I just have a dream where I was fighting with magic against technology? WTF?”)

Just sayin’.

Going to bed earlier tonight in the hopes of starring in a COMPLETE epic, this time. Preferably, without the nightmare beforehand. (And what is it with sounding like you’re screaming in your dream, and yet, you’re barely speaking when you finally wake yourself up and the cats are staring at you like you’re doing something insane.) Stupid nightmares. Stupid subconscious. Stupid note on door about apartments getting broken into in your neighborhood giving you nightmares.

So, like, there are these two college dudes, and, like, they’re both professors, and they wrote this really long paper that says the United States is, like, totally controlled by the Israel Lobby, and, like, at first I thought they were saying “Dude! Like, the U.S. is REAL, dude!” ‘cause, like, that’s what me and my buds would say. But then I read, like, two more sentences, and they weren’t talking about America being real, but about America being really stupid, like, because we’re all supposed to be like totally mind-controlled by this thing called the Israel Lobby, and dude, is, like, that a hotel or something?

So, like, I read some more and the paper told me that the Israel Lobby is not a hotel lobby, but it’s, like, all these Jews getting together and, like, saying, “Go Israel!” and, like, I’m trying to get what’s so wrong with that, ‘cause, like, Israel is cool. So these two professor dudes, they’re like, really smart or something, and they’ve written a lot of papers that I never heard of, and one of ‘em has a chair at Harvard, and I’m like, dude, why did you have to bring your own chair to Harvard? They’re freaking loaded there, and they make you buy your own chairs? That’s so wrong.

So this Harvard dude, he got together with this dude from Chicago, which is a cool city, but this other dude thinks that the Jews control America too, or at least, they both think that Jews totally control America’s Mideast policy. Dudes. So not true, Chicago is MidWEST, and yeah, there’s a bunch of Jews there, but man, there’s a lot of other people there too. I saw them with my own eyes. So, like, that’s so not true, and you dudes are wrong. See, even a surfer dude like me can see that Chicago is—Oh. I read a few more sentences. They mean Israel is in the Mideast.

Never mind.

So, like these dudes are saying that the U.S. policy on Israel is, like, totally controlled by something called the Israel Lobby, and, like, that’s not a Jewish hotel, and it’s not a Jew who owns a hotel, but maybe a Jew who owns a hotel is part of the lobby. Get it? And the professor dudes say that they don’t mean “lobby” in a Protocols of the Elders of Zion-kinda way, ‘cause the professor dudes say that they have nothing against the Jews, but I’m like, then howcome you wrote an 83-page paper saying that Jews have too much power in America? And they’re like, “Dudes, we’re not talking to the media right now, so don’t be asking us questions,” and I’m like, “But didn’t you just write this big academic-dude paper and don’t most academic dudes like to talk about their papers?” and they’re like, “Dude, we said we’re not gonna talk to the press, and like, anyway, we knew this was going to happen because we knew the Israel Lobby was going to attack us and we wrote about it in the paper.” And then I was like, “Dudes, aren’t you, like, supposed to defend your facts if someone says you’re getting them wrong, because, like that’s what academic dudes do?” and they were like, “Dude, we said we weren’t going to talk to anyone, and we knew we’d be attacked by the Israel Lobby and that you’d call us anti-Semites, so shut up!” And then I’m like, “Dudes, I didn’t call you an anti-Semite, you did.”

So, like, I just wanna say that this is as stupid as the time when Aziz said that Israel had developed a gene bomb, only this time, it’s stupider because these two professor dudes are, like, really big, well-known professor dudes, and more people listen to them.

But, like, they’re still totally stupid, and they’re still wrong. Israel rocks, man!

Oooh, this one makes me want to do exactly what they ask.

Dear Customer

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For entering in your account u have to double-click here and you will be redirected to our site.

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Spelling errors are theirs.

Says the BBC headline.

Palestinian leader Mahmoud Abbas has proposed secret peace talks with Israel, a leading Israeli paper has quoted him as saying. Mr Abbas suggested the idea in talks with US officials and former Israeli PM Shimon Peres, Haaretz says. He told the paper he was convinced that a peace agreement could be signed within a year of such talks starting. Mr Abbas said any negotiations would be conducted by the Palestine Liberation Organisation (PLO).

Hmm… That’s clearly a novel idea that could lead to a breakthrough in political science. Secret peace talks that will lead to a secret peace agreement that, as long as it is kept under lock and key, will be… er… secret! Just think about it!

I am sure that Abu Mazen’s colleagues from Hamas must be thrilled by the idea. After all, it will allow them to go on with their fight for freedom unfettered.

The picture offered by BBC immediately called for another “separated at birth” edition:

Of course, there is no noose on the left one, but I am sure the good folks of Hamas will think about something fitting…

Cross-posted on SimplyJews

PFLP’s leader Ahmed Sa’adat has been denied bail by an Israeli court.

Led past reporters into court at the IDF’s Ofer camp located just south of Ramallah, manacled hand and foot, Sadat raised his hands in a gesture of defiance and shouted in Arabic, “I am fighting occupation!” before he was silenced by guards and led into the closed courtroom.

Must be a shock to the guy, heading for a prison cell with actual bars and locks without fax machines, Internet-connected computers, free access to his henchmen for planning terror attacks, and everything else Arafat provided at Jericho to him. Someone had better call Amnesty International!

Now that Slobodan Milosevic’s trial is over and Saddam Hussein’s trial is wrapping up, will moonbat attorneys like Ramsey Clark now head to Israel to try to defend Sa’adat?

The Australian has a knock-your-socks-off blame-the-victim headline about the upcoming Israeli elections:

Peace loses in Israel’s election

Actually, I’m thinking peace was lost in the palestinian elections that, gee, elected Hamas terrorists to the leadership.

I’m also guessing the author didn’t read the results of a recent palestinian opinion poll. There are two, actually.

One says 60% of palestinians don’t want Hamas to recognize Israel. Of course, there is always the chance it has an error factor of plus or minus 60%.

And if that doesn’t convince you, another palestinian poll also shows that 52% of palestinians don’t think that Hamas should honor pre-existing agreements with Israel. (And 74% are content with Hamas’ leadership so far.)

So yes, let’s watch the media blame Israel for the lack of progress in peace talks, even while ignoring the virulent hatred that runs rampant in palestinian society.

So, for those people who insist that it’s only the leadership that hates Israel, not the bulk of the palestinians… what’s your take on this?

A week after the release of “The Lobby,” the paper by two so-called academics that uses less thorough research techniques than the average freshman term paper, my take is a bit different from everyone else’s.

Many other sites wrote or linked to pieces that utterly negate the scholarship and veracity of the paper. Alan Dershowitz thinks they got much of their information from neo-Nazi sites; proof is pending.

But that isn’t the problem. That wasn’t even the purpose of the paper. The real purpose of the paper was to get the lies out there. To make people think less of Israel and Jews. To give the haters another source from which to quote. Watch as these quotes go unchallenged in more and more places. Watch as how, instead of critically examining the paper, people will simply take it at face value and use it as more ammunition against Israel. And more ammunition against American Jews.

The message is out there. The message carries the imprimatur of Harvard. David Duke has already declared himself “vindicated” by this paper, and the neo-Nazis and Jew-haters will continue to do so for decades to come. The Christian Science Monitor quotes uncritically rabid Israel-hater Justin Raimondo (and manages to misspell his name) in an article about reactions to the paper.

The damage has been done.

This is what our enemies are doing. They are trying to discredit Israel, and Jews, because there is no way of separating Israel and Jews. The charges of dual loyalty have now been laid upon American Jews by no less than two academics at two of our most prestigious American universities, with the implied blessing of the Harvard Kennedy School of Government. Now, even if the Kennedy School dumps the paper for lack of scholarship, those who hate will say that “The Lobby” got the paper thrown out. The haters will say that “The Lobby” couldn’t let the truth be known. The haters have won, no matter what happens. The truth? There is no truth. It’s all controlled by “The Lobby.”

The thousands of words written in response to this paper won’t mean a thing to those who already hate Israel, and will do little as an after-the-fact to anyone who is persuaded by this paper that “The Lobby” runs American foreign policy. Because now, the document that originally bore the seal of Harvard, has been downloaded, saved, and passed along the neo-Nazi network. Patrick Buchanan is chuckling himself to sleep. And Walt and Mearsheimer have achieved their goal.

It’s rather disingenuous of them to say they’re not anti-Semitic when devoting 83 pages to an anti-Semitic canard about the Israel lobby and American Jews. You know the saying: If it walks like a duck, and talks like a duck….

Quack, quack, messrs. Walt and Mearsheimer. Quack, quack.

The message is out there. The damage has been done. Those at Harvard who allowed this paper to be published should be ashamed of themselves. Oh, wait. One of the authors is an academic dean of the Kennedy School. Funny how that paper managed to get published there, isn’t it?

Quack, quack.