Stuxnet did NOT hurt us (ow!): Iran says the Stuxnet worm did no damage at all. None. Nothing. Nada. Those calls to Russian tech support? Just business as usual. In other news, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said he has proof that aliens have landed on earth, and they’re Zionists. (And they want to destroy the world.) ((Of course.))

That famous Muslim tolerance: Christians are still being murdered in Iraq, and the Iraqi parliament is thinking about issuing a statement—in response to a Christian lawmaker shaming them publicly for their lack of action towards the tolerant Muslims in Iraq who are murdering Christians. He says that Iraqis should be protecting Christians, not allowing other nations to offer safe haven. Gee. Ya think? But of course, it’s Israel that gets slammed as the intolerant nation.

Palestinians find another way to avoid the talks: The PA is telling Israel that having the Israeli populace vote on any further withdrawals from disputed territories is—wait for it—a violation of “international law.” Yeah, that famous “international law,” the one that is applied to Israelis unequally. Hezbollah in violation of UNSCR 1701? Not a violation of international law. Israel passing a bill that will only go into effect if the Knesset doesn’t get a two-thirds majority vote on withdrawing from the Golan Heights and east Jerusalem? Violation, even though there’s not even a motion on the table for either action. Hey, I have no problem with democracy in action.

If an army has to be there for your swearing-in, are you really the “elected leader”? Robert Gibbs said yesterday that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is the “elected leader” of Iran, in spite of the fact that he had to have 5,000 security forces at his swearing-in ceremony, the opposition boycotted it, and his mentor, the Ayatollah Khameini, didn’t give him the victory kiss of congratulations the other day. Sucks to be you, Mad Mahmoud. (As for that “Smartest administration EVAH” thing—I’m thinking not.)

Billy Jeff goes to North Korea: President Clinton came through with the goods and got two American journalists out of the hell that is North Korea. As I am simply glad that he got them back, there is not much to snark about. Oh, of course there is. The North Koreans rejected the Obama administration’s first choice for mediator: Al Gore. Do you think it was the gasbag effect, or the Gore Effect? The good news is that Clinton didn’t do to Obama what Jimmy Carter did to him, and go off the reservation. We’re still paying for that trip.

News I really don’t care about: Paula Abdul is leaving American Idol. The fact is I have watched, perhaps, a total of ten minutes of the show since it first aired. The only “reality show” I’m finding myself at all interested in watching is Wipeout, because you get to go “Oooh!” “OW!” “That had to hurt!” and “No way are you going to make it!” at the TV when you watch it. Plus, it’s fun to watch people get knocked into the water over and over again. I can’t explain why. But it really is.