There are a bunch here.

Don’t ever speak in a faux British accent again.

Really.

Boy, did you suck in this week’s episode of Once Upon A Time.

That is all.

(P.S.: Stick to cranky characters like Toby in the West Wing, and please make sure to speak in your natural accent.)

A first look at German anti-Semitism: An English excerpt of a new book on why the Germans hated the Jews. Interesting stats on the ratio of Jews to Christians in schools, which, of course, caused problems for the great unwashed masses who thought that reading was bad for the eyes and they didn’t need none of that there learnin’ stuff. Say, sounds like what still goes on today: Envy of Jews performing well in the arts, sciences, and banking.

Seriously? They’re quoting that scumbag again? Someone needs to tell Ynet that Silverstein is an excecrable Jewish anti-Zionist and Jew-hater, and if he told me it was raining, I’d bring my sunglasses. Sure, he knows why the Hizballah bases blew up. Right.

No way this can go wrong: Israel kept its contract with Turkey and returned drones after performing maintenance on them. Oh. Wait. Maintenance. Okay, good name for it. Spyware added.

What? UN Human Rights bitching about something other than Israel? Check the air for flying pigs. Navi Pillay is criticizing Egypt for killing its citizens.

Much like the theme song from “Laverne and Shirley,” which declared, “Making our dreams come true for me and you,” “2 Broke Girls” features Max and Caroline brewing a dream of their own: a cupcake business. As the season has progressed, the two become dollars and cents closer to the enigmatic funding goal of $250,000, which Caroline reveals at the tail end of the pilot episode.

Exactly how she landed on that figure is somewhat of a mystery. The show’s writers explain it away with Caroline’s reveal that she went to business school. In the next scene, she admits she’s been secretly price-gouging Max’s red velvet cupcakes at $7 a pop.

This is the first fallacy in the show’s portrayal of the cupcake scene in New York City or anywhere else. No one is selling cupcakes for $7. The top shops in the city peddling the sweet confections are arguably Crumbs Bake Shop, which debuted on NASDAQ in June of last year, and Magnolia Bakery, made famous by its notorious endorsement in “Sex and the City.” Both are selling cupcakes between $3 and $4.50, depending on the amount of sugar they’re topped with. $7 is almost double that price.

2 Broke Girls is the funniest new show on TV. I love it. It’s a must-watch. But seriously? The author is fact-checking the business plan of a comedyshow? Really? Because you know, when the Fonz hit the soda machine and got free sodas, that was totally realistic.

Seriously?

It makes you wonder what other business-savvy nonsense Caroline is spewing. In a later episode, she pines, “I really need this cupcake business,” as if it’s the one thing that will propel her back into the cushy existence previously afforded by her father, who has since been busted a la Bernie Madoff. In reality, however, there’s probably a better way to invest $250,000 in a business paradigm that isn’t as mint as it was a few years ago.

No, it makes you laugh. Because that’s the point of a comedy–making you laugh. To do so, you deliberately exaggerate and obfuscate facts and reality.

Boy, someone needs a crash course on what constitutes a comedy, because the last time I checked, paying strict attention to the actual prices of cupcakes wasn’t on the list.

Say, Jaebi Iam? You need to take a chill pill, or something. Nobody cares if Caroline’s cupcake strategy is right or wrong. We just care if it’s funny.

Sorkin does Olbermann: Oh, no way this one ends well. Aaron Sorkin is doing a series for HBO on a cable news program. Expect retreads of whatever that SNL clone show drama was, plus the West Wing, plus a large, healthy does of uber-left POV, and, of course, much mocking of the internets. Since I don’t have HBO, this is an extremely easy choice: Pass.

Turkey’s looking to get kicked out of NATO: Erdogan says he’s going to protect the next Gaza flotilla with Turkish warships. So basically, one of our NATO allies is threatening another of our allies. I think it’s all talk, because I don’t think Erdogan actually wants to start a shooting war over the Palestinians. No Muslim country really does, as we know they’re ready to fight to the last Palestinian, but unwilling to jump in if their own soldiers will be slaughtered. (Mad Mullahs and Jihadis not included.) Oh, the main reason I’m calling bullshit on this? There is no new flotilla planned. Right now, it’s all hot air.

Didn’t we see this bit before? Wait, didn’t Saddam Hussein keep transmitting from hiding? Because now Gadaffy is doing it. Yeah, good luck to you, dude. In fact, I hope you have the exact same luck as Saddam had. Buh-bye!

Oh, there was a presidential speech last night? Yeah, I forgot. Caught the last five minutes of it. Boy, Obama had his Stern Look on, as well as his Grownup In The Room. And nobody cared. I was more interested in the way Verizon took control of my DVR to send an emergency broadcast warning for flash floods in my area. (And I was planning on standing on the bank of the James River to watch the waters rise, too. No, not really. I was planning on going to the supermarket, but the torrential downpour changed my mind.)

The marvelous equality of women under sharia law: Yep, women are so equal under sharia law, that Iran is arresting teenagers for having waterfights. Because boys and girls are playing doing it together. Now that’s equality!

Um, what? The Arab League is actually calling on Syria to stop killing its own. Of course, the laughable excuse is that there is still a chance for “reform.” Sure. That’s what Assad is doing, “reforming” Hama. Well, if you consider in the verb “to form again,” he is. Turkey’s on his case, too. If only the Obama administration would, you know, do something. Anything. Except issue the strong-worded statement. In the meantime, Syrian deaths are in the thousands, and we have yet to see the worldwide condemnation like we saw of Israel during the last Gaza war. Amazing, that. I just can’t figure out why it’s okay for the Arab world to murder thousands of its unarmed civilians, but when Israel fights back against terrorists and kills them by the hundreds, it’s a war crime. Go figure.

Noooooooooooooo! Desperate Housewives is going into its last season? Where will I get my guilty pleasure fun show to watch on Sunday night now? I love that show! It’s sheer fluff and amusement, no thinkers need apply. Gabby’s my favorite. She’s never been the shallow, selfish, self-absorbed beauty queen she pretends to be. Oh, well. Some other show will be developed that I’ll find instead. And I’ll enjoy my last season.

And the Russians like to pretend to be honest brokers: The Russians, at the Palestinian behest, prevented the Quartet from issuing a statement demanding that the PA recognize Israel as a Jewish state. Note that they won’t do that even if asked to do so while demanding Israel return to the 1949 Armistice lines. Seriously.

Oh noes! Israel is recruiting “collaborators” through online games! Seriously.

So long, Sherwood: Sherwood Schwartz, creator of Gilligan’s Island and the Brady Bunch (both staples of my childhood), is no more. His name will be remembered as long as there are reruns. Seriously.

The Scrubs musical episode enlisted the talent that gave us Avenue Q, right down to one of the stars of the show. The excuse? A patient who passed out in the park and woke up to hear everybody bursting into song. Every time that patient came into contact with the staff, songs occurred. When she woke up in the end of the episode after being operated on, the music was gone—except for the humming she did to herself to end the show.

This week, Grey’s Anatomy tried it. And created the worst-ever episode of the entire series. They jumped that shark, all right. Sara Ramirez has a wonderful voice. (She’s a Tony winner.) So did many of the other cast members. I love the song “Chasing Cars,” and I liked a couple of the other songs. But the show was boring, predictable, and, well, stupid. It managed to take what should have been a moving, unique experience and turn it into “Hey! Glee’s getting awesome ratings, let’s try to copy what they do!”

The logic was inconsistent. They tried to have the gravely-injured Callie be the center of the songs with an out-of-body experience. Doctors sang as they worked to save her life. (Enter: The Fray’s “How to Save a Life.” And yet, singing doctors left the operating room and continued to sing while they walked through the hospital to comfort grieving doctors. Why even pretend that you have logic behind the songs when you throw it away the first chance you get? And we’re back to, “Hey! Glee’s getting awesome ratings, let’s try to copy what they do!”

The other side of the coin: Most of the songs sucked. I’m not alone in that review. Let’s see: Fail. Fail. Fail. Super Fail.

The doctors sing to Callie as she’s being wheeled to surgery. It’s unclear if she was crying from the pain or the sound of their voices, which were equally painful.

Yeah, except they’re not crying in pain. The ratings were through the roof, and the songs are making iTunes stars out of the Grey’s Anatomy cast. But I promise you this: If there’s a second musical episode, I’m so not there.

News for the new season: Jane Badler, the original series’ Diana is going to be Anna’s mother. I really, really, really hope she eats a rodent or three.

I cannot wait to see what they do with her in the new series.

Wait, wait! Marc Singer is going to be on the series, too! Oh, my. I was so in love with him in the eighties. Especially in that little loincloth he wore for Beastmaster. But really, I liked him for his mind. Honest. I swear.

Ahem. Back to the current V. Just remember: They are of peace, always. Just like the Iranians.