He’s totally a candidate for Mr. Meryl Yourish. Too bad he lives in Florida.

Spit-monitor warning.

Long before he was Tom Paine, he was simply Bruce Hill, and he wrote a blog called War Now!, an obvious takeoff of the Peace Now crew. I don’t remember exactly which of his posts I read first, but I do remember sending him an email asking him to marry me, which is my highest compliment to a fellow blogger. Bruce sent back a response that was less than enthusiastic (I suspect he thought I was rather unwell in the head, shall we say), but I forgave him, because he’s Jewish, a Zionist, and underwent the same change in political outlook as I did after 9/11. Plus, he speaks with a nifty accent, though I didn’t get to hear it until he visited Richmond in November of 2002. But enough of that. Let’s get to the main event.

Pros:

• He’s Jewish
• He’s single
• He’s a Zionist
• He likes cats
• He’s got a really neat accent
• Did I mention that he’s Jewish? And that he converted, which makes him even more special? I mean, the guy chose to join the world’s most targeted religious group.
• He likes Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel, and is a bit of a Tolkien geek (though not as much of one as I am).
• I’ve met him. He’s pretty easy on the eyes.
• We’ve gone to synagogue together, and apparently, Reform in New Zealand is Conservative in the U.S.
• He was a perfectly fine houseguest. No signs of hair on the soap. (Major pet peeve of mine.)
• He does not quote Monty Python ad infinitum, but he’s silly enough to sing on his podcast.
• We’ve already fought and made up as friends, which bodes well if we ever move past the friends stage.
• I seriously doubt he’s going to try to make me paint pottery when I have absolutely no desire to do so.

Cons:

• He needs to work on his knowledge of kashrut. He put milk in one of my fleischich coffee cups!
• He lives in Australia
• The effing U.S. immigration policy won’t give him a green card
• Hello, other side of the world? Can you say, “Looooooooooooong distance relationship?”
• I’m pretty sure he and Murray come as a package (but I think I can bribe Murray with the Civil War tour of Richmond and surrounding areas)
• Australia. Australia. Australia! Effing other hemisphere!

The upshot:

Bruce is definitely heading to the top of the list of fiancé possibilities. There’s really only one big con, though it’s a doozy, what with our being in separate hemispheres and all that. If any of my readers have any pull with the Immigration Office and can help Bruce get his green card, we might see some action on this–especially since he’s told me he’s interested in moving to the D.C. area. Otherwise, it’s going to have to be a long-distance and (sigh) platonic relationship, what with international calling rates being what they are today.

If you have a suggestion for my next blogger husband candidate, email me at myfirstname -at- mylastname.com, or leave a comment here.

Hubris is a blogger who has been amusing me for months. I can’t read his site from work, because it is utterly obscene most of the time, and howlingly funny to the point that the management would probably figure out that I can’t possibly be working if I’m laughing that hard. Anne Bancroft said she married Mel Brooks because he was the funniest man she ever met. So let’s look at some of the pros and cons about Hubris for a husband:

Pros:

• He’s funny
• He’s really funny
• Did I mention he’s funny?
• He’s got cute kids
• I’m pretty sure he’s a younger man (with all that entails, one hopes)
• He has a pretty high embarrassment quotient
• He likes barbecue
• He’s a feminist 
• He hates Jew-haters, too.

Cons:

• He’s not Jewish
• He’s originally from West Virginia. As I now live in Virginia, I’m pretty sure it’s illegal for me to marry anyone who is a native of West Virginia. In fact, I think it’s in the state Constitution.
• His latest relationship just ended; we’re talking major rebound syndrome
• He smokes
• He and the kids live in a state where I have no desire to move
• It’s probably pork barbecue that he likes

The upshot:

While Hubris has many of the elements that I’m looking for in Mr. Meryl Yourish, we cannot discount the geographical factor, and especially the rebound factor. Been there, done that, threw the t-shirt away a long time ago. I’ll have to keep looking for a blogger husband.

That being said, I think Hubris will remain on my list of blog fiancé possibilities; certainly, he remains on my blogroll and as a regular read.

So long as it’s not from work.

Yep. I’ll put it up tomorrow.

Of course, I may regret it by Monday, but hey, what’s life without a little risk?

But I’m not going to tell you what it’s about.

Not yet, anyway.

Soon.

Oh. Wait, let me stop the wrong rumors from going around.

No, I’m not going to get a sex change or reveal myself as a man. I’ve got those XX chromosomes, thank you very much, and the hormonal surges to prove it.