Jewish conservatives continue to spend significant amounts of effort and money to swing American and Israeli politics to the far right. Most visible is gambling billionaire Sheldon Adelson, whose funding of Israeli media affected the 2009 Israeli election and who is now spending a fortune to equate American “support for Israel” with support for Israel’s far-right wing.

Similarly, William Kristol’s “Emergency Committee for Israel” plays on Jewish fears to garner Republican votes. And Eric Cantor, House minority whip, is one of the most vocal proponents of Tea Party ideology — the same social Darwinism dressed up as American populism that brought us the 2008 financial crisis.

Note that he starts with a false charge, that Adelson is trying to equate American support for Israel with supporting only the Israeli far right. Now that Jay Michaelson has set the false tone, he then goes on to say that those progressive Jews who are saying that conservative Jews are not following “Jewish values” are wrong. Conservatives can be Jewish, too. I know, I know, you’re shocked. And as a Jewish centrist who has shocked her very liberal Jewish friends by voting for George W. Bush and John McCain, it’s nice to know that I’m just as Jewish as the Obama Fan Club in every synagogue. Why, just look at this philosopher’s reasoning process as to what progressives think of people like me:

The second response has been to argue that Jewish conservatives just don’t get it. They’re misreading Jewish history and tradition. They’re traumatized, bigoted or confused. Whatever the reason, it may be that Jewish conservatives are just plain wrong in their interpretation of Jewish tradition.

Relatively few progressives come out and say this directly, because to do so violates a cardinal progressive principle, that of pluralism and toleration. (Of course, conservatives don’t hesitate to make these claims, painting critics of Israel as self-hating Jews, or social progressives as rebels against the Torah.) So, some make a softer claim: that conservatives get it, but get the wrong it. Yes, there are reactionary elements within Judaism, but these are just barnacles stuck onto the side of the Jewish ship. Yes, the Cantors and Kristols of the world can find some nasty Jewish traditions to draw from, but they miss the real point, which is Judaism’s progressive social agenda, or love of peace, or whatever.

Shorter Michaelson: Oh, conservatives. You are so mean. But we, the Noble Progressives, rise above the meanness and give you our kindness, our tolerance, and our condescension.

Except, of course, they don’t. Note the way he started the article. “Some” Jews think this. “Some” Jews think that. He goes on to bash Jews who don’t think like him, and then he brings in the big gun for his backup: Michael Lerner. Yeah, now that’s an authority that all of Judaism considers to be a top Talmudic scholar able to make decisions about who is a Jew. And finally after being informed a dozen times that conservative Jews are wrong, wrong, wrong, we are told this:

I have my approach to Jewish values that allows me to say that Eric Cantor, Sheldon Adelson and William Kristol are wrong — pluralism is not the same as relativism, after all — but what I won’t say is that they are somehow un-Jewish.

Here’s the thing about this expert on Who’s A Jew: He’s a Buddhist.

I think I’ll stop here. ‘Nuff said.

A hack for a hack: Well, Israeli hackers said they’d do it, and they did it. Now Saudi citizens’ (and citizens from other nations) credit information is online for all to see. This is bad all the way around. Escalation sucks.

Gee, I can’t imagine why she’s offended: A Likud minister, who happens to be (in some Jews’ eyes) genderly-challenged, objects to a sign outside a synagogue in Beit Shemesh that asks women to refrain from “chattering” if walking past while services let out. Go figure, a woman doesn’t want to be told to shut up for fear of offending the sensibilities of men. And the worst part of this? The sign’s been up for 10 years.

Iran isn’t going to like this at all: India and Israel are getting closer.

Spreading lies and misinformation, that’s what Time Magazine’s good for: Karl Vick is doubling down on his insistence that Hamas is moderating. Here’s what he wrote a couple of days ago:

In recent weeks, however, as the rival factions have sought to reconcile, Hamas chief Khaled Mashaal has said the organization will put aside military means in favor of unarmed “popular” resistance, saying it’s the method all factions can agree on.

Yeah, not so much.

How dare you call yourself a Hareidi, God-fearing Jew? Your despicable actions are diametrically opposed to Judaism. You are a thug and a hooligan whose conduct, in the words of the statement from Agudath Israel of America “is beyond the bounds of decent, moral – Jewish! – behavior.”

How dare you put us in a position where we need to state loud and clear that we condemn your loathsome actions. We do not share the same theology; we resent having any association with you that necessitates our stark denunciation.

Read it in full. Aish.com is my go-to place when I need to do religious research. It is not Judaism Lite. And while you’re there, check out this wonderful story about the religious rabbi who came home to find his house covered in Christmas decorations by his kind-hearted but unknowing Christian domestic. Compare and contrast: Judaism is truly the religion of tolerance.

Get them before they get you: Israel took out some more terrorists. For kicks and giggles, check out the AP and NY Times versions. The Times says that the Gaza offensive “killed 1300 people”. The AP still goes with the same boilerplate: “killed some 1,400 Palestinians, including hundreds of civilians”, even though Hamas admitted that they lied about how many civilians were killed.

One for fisking: Think I’ll take a stab at this article later, but boy, can the CSM slant against Israel or what? Just a taste:

Although Hamas continues to reject Israel’s existence, it has attempted to keep a tense peace with Israel by trying to rein in rocket fire from more radical groups in the Gaza Strip, The New York Times reports. The efforts mean little to some Israeli military officials.

“We shoot when we’re being shot at,” one security official told Reuters Friday. “It’s clear that Hamas does not have an interest in fanning the flames at this time, but it’s not dousing them either.”

The rest of the article talks about how Khaled Mashaal was lying when he said Hamas is trying to stop the rocket fire. And yet, the reporter uses the words “The efforts mean little to some Israeli military officials.” Gee. I wonder why they’re not impressed with words that say the rocket fire will stop when, in fact, the rockets keep falling? Go figure. Damned Israelis, always against peace with terrorists!

Not my grandfather’s religion: I don’t care what you say, rioting is not the part of Orthodox Judaism that I learned about growing up. No excuse. No excuse. NO excuse.

Why does Israel bother to keep its words when terrorists don’t keep theirs? The second part of the Gilad Shalit prisoner release deal went off as usual, with Palestinians attacking the IDF in gratitude. I’d have told them “Seeya!” and kept the terrorists in prison. Hamas doesn’t keep its word about not firing rockets. Just once, I’d like to see Israel tell them to go piss off, deal’s off. Or at least keep the ones involved in terror.

The awesomeness of the Arab Spring in one photo: This is what Arab democracy looks like. Especially for women. I would like to point out that in spite of the problems with religious Jews not wanting to sit near women on a bus, Israel has never had a state-run organization treat its women like this. Or execute them for witchcraft. Or send them back into a burning school for not having their heads covered. Yeah, that Muslim ERA Watch category is going to keep on getting bigger here.

Of course they do: The Haredi are asking religious millionaires to fund a private bus line so they don’t have to look at women when they ride the bus. Again, not the Judaism my grandfather taught me. I wonder what these guys would have done during the Exodus. Probably told Miriam to stop playing on her timbrels and the women to stop singing.

His friends all decided to choose the row behind me this morning. I was standing on the end of my pew, and I watched them file in, and then said, “Boys, you don’t want to sit there. I really enjoy my worship. I am so going to turn around and glare at you when you start whispering…”

They all paused for a moment, then they stood up in unison and trooped over to the next section of pews.

Heh.

I spoke to a few of them at the Oneg and explained that I wasn’t really mean, but I really did like worshipping without distractions. One of them said they were happy that I told them beforehand, because it cut down on problems later. Double heh.

I’m not sure exactly why, but this one made me cry.

G’mar hatima tova. Have an easy and meaningful fast.

Those wily Jews strike again: Of course, it’s not confirmed, but it looks like more Jews won more Nobel prizes this year. Saul Perlmutter? I’m thinking. Adam Reiss? Maybe. And the winners for medicine include Jules Hoffman and Ralph Steinman. That list of Jews winning Nobel prizes is going to be longer this year, methinks.

The myth of Muslim tolerance: A Libyan Jew went back to Libya, helped in the revolt against Ghaddafy, and then tried to restore a synagoge in Tripoli. So of course, those tolerant Muslims came by with weapons and made him stop cleaning out the garbage that had collected in the synagogue for decades.

Watch the world blame the Jews: Congress put a hold on $200 million headed for the Palestinian Authority. In spite of the fact that it only just happened, the Pals are already whining that Congress is putting Palestinian babies at risk. And of course, the AP repeats their words uncritically. The Israelis are willing to talk peace. The Palestinians are openly defying the U.S. and also refusing to talk to the Israelis. Actions have consequences, Mr. Abbas.

And yet, China has huge trade ties with Iran A visiting scholar from China says it won’t stop Israel if it decides to attack Iran. I’m thinking he’s not representing official policy, and Ha’aretz is expressing wishful thinking, or something. Plus, I think the time that Israel could have attacked Iranian nukes is past. It’s a moot point.

Jimmy Carter, Walt Mearsheimer hardest hit: Say, guys who think Israel should negotiate with Hamas, the U.S. just designated another member of Hamas a wanted terrorist. This one has ties with Iran.

Our enemies, our allies: The Pakistani ISI was behind attacks on U.S. troops in Afghanistan. And yet, we will still give them billions of dollars in aid. Our priorities are messed up. Then again, the Iranians and Syrians acted with impunity, murdering hundreds of our soldiers in Iraq, so what should we expect?

Wait, wait, I know the answer to this one: Can young Jews become more Jewish without much Judaism?

No.

- A young man invited me to dinner at a restaurant. After dinner I found out that I ate a piece of pork. My mood was spoiled, and I went home. At home I told all to my grandfather, a rabbi. Poor grandfather stood all night on his knees, praying for me.

- Every day I went to synagogue. In Riga there were two synagogues: one Catholic, the other Orthodox.

- My grandmother was very religious woman and has always taught us kids not to mix kosher and non-kosher.

- I know that if a woman is in her “critical” days, no one will shake her hand.

- My parents are very pious people. Father never starts fire on Saturday and lights up his cigarette from a candle that my mother lit on Friday. Mom generally doesn’t smoke.

- Frankly, I was a party member over there, but on all Soviet Holidays I’ve attended the synagogue.

- The Lord invited Moses on Mount Sinai to hand him the Torah in intimate atmosphere.

- Of all four brothers of my mother only one wasn’t Jewish.

- On Saturday we didn’t even ride deers.

- When our grandson was born, we Christened him by a Jewish name.

- The first time I was jailed for Trotskyism, and the second for Zionism. So I always remained a religious Jew.

- My father’s second wife was Jewish. I was born by his second wife. This can be confirmed by my father and his first and third wife, who hadn’t given birth to me.

- When I grew up, my mother told me that we are Jews. I myself would have never thought of it.

- Since we are from Ukraine, the family suffered a great deal while others ate bacon.

- Often my grandmother fried gefilte fish for dinner.

- At Judgement Day in our family we were not given something to eat. But we were told why.

- Yes, I broke several glasses at my wedding.

- Abraham is considered to be the first Jew, because he was kicked out of the house.

- We have two sets of dishes, one for fish dishes and the other one for meat.

- My grandmother Evdokiya Nikiforovna, earned a living doing laundry for a Jewish family. Subsequently, she had an intimate relationship with the head of the family, Iosif Davidovich. From this connection, my mother Antonina Iosifovna was born. Since age seventeen she did laundry for a Jewish family. From my mother’s cohabitation with the head of household Yakov Moiseevich, I, Ekaterina Yakovlevna, was born. At present I do laundry for a Jewish family and have a daughter Alice bat Maimon from the head of the family, Maimon Ben Alush.

Hat tip: Y.Z.

Cross-posted on SimplyJews