I have received a copy of Iran’s letter to the IAEA, revealing the existence of a heretofore undisclosed (don’t you love the word “heretofore”?) nuclear plant that is only a year away from operation. Just remember, even Drudge doesn’t have this scoop!
Dear suckers esteemed inspectors of the IAEA,
Like, we forgot to tell you something on your last visit here. Remember when you asked us if we had anything more to declare, and, we were like, “No way!” and you were like, “Way!” and we were like, “Dudes, no way, and if you don’t stop messin’ with us we’re gonna call the Basij dudes on their bikes and they’re really pissed today ’cause all the hot protest babes are on the other side,” and you were like, “Whoa, Basij, not necessary, bro,” and then you, like, ran to the airport and forgot to give us going-away presents?
Well, like, we kinda forgot to tell you that, uh, yeah, there’s this one more little nuke plant, and it’s, like, near Qom, and it’s like, about a year away from being able to make a bomb, uh, I mean, to power up the holy dudes’ mosques so they can get their mad on at the Zionist Entity every Friday like always. Oh, wait—my buddy Mahmoud just told me to tell you to tell them that it’s just a pilot enrichment program, and it’s barely big enough to make a single—uh, pilot. And anyway, like, we’re only going to enrich it to five percent, and everyone knows that you need to enrich it more to make bombs, and the Islamic Republic of Iran is peaceful, and we don’t want to hurt anyone, except for all you infidels and Zionists and idolators and atheists. And dogs. We really hate dogs, dude.
So, like, this is to let you know that we, like, uh, forgot to tell you—oh, wait, I already said that. Dude. Um, okay, well, then, that’s about it, except, like, death to America and death to Israel, dudes. And we hope you’re not mad that we, like, forgot.
InSincerely,
The dudes in Iran who are going to nuke your asses, uh, I mean, be your best friends.
