This is why I only lasted one episode and five minutes

I stopped watching Zero Hour (see title) because the creators seem to have missed the point of the J.J. Abrams crazy train: Yes, his shows are stupid and illogical, but they’re not usually broadly so, and they’re a ton of fun when they are (cf: Alias). If you keep saying, “This is really stupid” during a TV show, chances are you’re going to give up on it.

Thankfully for me, I’m going to keep up with it via i09 recaps.

Anyways, the brain trust looks through the pics of the pocketwatch and quickly surmises it doesn’t and couldn’t work. Arron, the Shaggy-looking of Hanks’ two preposterously close junior employees, remembers the cheap glow-in-dark stars he had on his bedroom ceiling as a kid, and eventually realizes it’s a constellation. That constellation is Cepheus, which combined with the time and date the pocketwatch is permanently stuck on, lead one to Chennai, India. How did they come to this conclusion? Because, on March 6, 1938, apparently Chennai, India, was the only place in the world you could see the Cepheus constellation. This is due to the giant sphere that surrounds the earth, which prevents everyone on the planet from seeing that sky, except for a single holWHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE.

Really, Zero Hour? Really? Do you even know what you’re saying, or do you have a Da Vinci Code Mad Libs you’re filling out for these episodes? I don’t mind, I’m merely curious.

Update: And this.

It’s like the show wasn’t even made on our planet. So you’re telling me, Zero Hour, that the Church –- notoriously open-minded as they are –- made a tiny Hindu girl a New Apostle without so much as a “Hail Mary”? No Baptism, no actual faith in Jesus required, here, just watch this box for your entire life? I am stunned. If Zero Hour had turned into a puppet show and spent 10 minutes shouting at me, personally, in ancient Sumerian, I could not be more baffled (and that’s not even mentioning the insanity that Arron and Rachel’s search for “Zero Hour” info –- and the newsreel labeled “Zero Hour” — leads specifically to Hank’s next immediate clue and reveals nothing about Zero Hour).

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One Response to This is why I only lasted one episode and five minutes

  1. As far as the constellation goes, it must have been in a particular position in the sky at a specific time and date (say exactly overhead or just at the horizon). If they did not use that as the method of finding the place, then they messed up the dialogue.

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