What do you get when you cross an elephant with a jar of peanut butter?
Either a jar with an excellent memory or an elephant that sticks to the roof of your mouth.

Why do elephants wear tennies?
‘Cause ninies are too small and elevenies are too big.

How do you keep elephants from charging?
Take away their credit cards.

Alternate answers to 15 above; An inside out elephant.

And the REAL way you can tell if an elephant is in your ‘fridge … the door wont close.

A: Campbell’s Cream of Elephant Soup.

Once upon a time, bad King John raised a mighty army and set out to conquer the known world. After a series of successful campaigns, the remaining kings realized that their lone efforts would never prevail. They had to band together under the leadership of the best general they had – “George-the-Turk”. George the Turk had promised that he would defeat bad King John’s army and place the King himself on a rack—in a public display—so no one would ever again try to conquer the world.

So George the Turk assembled his army and ordered his engineers to design and build the largest rack ever made. The rack was fitted with wheels and required 40 horses to pull it. When all was ready, George the Turk set out to do battle.

George the Turk knew that his army must attack quickly before Bad King John could prepare a defense. But, alas, the 40 horse team pulling the large rack could not keep up with the troops. Then George the Turk remembered that Hannibal was not too far away in the mountains with a herd of elephants so he sent his second-in-command to Hannibal with orders rent enough elephants for the job. Hannibal agreed and also sent along his best elephant handler.

This elephant handler quickly realized the importance of his unique position and insisted that he be given the title of “elephant engineer” along with a huge pay raise. George the Turk agreed. The rack, powered by elephants and driven by the “elephant engineer,” kept pace with the rapidly moving army.

Late one night they arrived at the enemy camp by the river. George the Turk deployed his troops and issued the order to attack at dawn – on his command. He also ordered the rack to be positioned on the highest hill overlooking bad King John’s camp.

At dawn, with the enemy soldiers still sleeping, George the Turk went to the top of the hill beside the rack so all his troops could see him drop his sword, the signal to attack. The first ray of sunlight struck the helmet of George the Turk as he drew his sword, holding it high over his head. Sunlight gleamed off the blade—and scared the elephants hitched to the rack. They trumpeted and reared and the elephant engineer couldn’t control them. The rack broke loose from the team and started rolling down the hill—straight for the enemy camp. The elephant engineer dropped the reins and clung to the rack for dear life.

Awakened by the noise, bad King John ordered an aide to investigate. The aide took a hard look, came back into the tent to report: “As near as I can tell, sire, it’s a rambling rack from George the Turk with an elephant engineer.”

Why do elephants travel in herds?
Because if they traveled in flocks it would confuse the sheepdog.

You can’t close the toilet seat.

Where are elephants found?
Elephants are so big they are hardly ever lost.

How does an elephant get ready for a long journey?
He packs his trunk.

And although it’s from a different joke lineage, time for a reprise of the classic about the class of students from many countries assigned to write essays about elephants.

The American student wrote, “Breeding Bigger and Better Elephants.” The German student wrote, “An Introduction to the Bibliography for the Higher Study of the Elephant.” The French student wrote, “The Love Life of the Elephant.” And the Jewish student wrote, “The Elephant and the Jewish Problem.”

A: Nothing. He doesn’t recognize them.
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Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of giraffes in the distance?

A: “Haha! You fooled me once with those disguises, but not this time!”

None. They just sit in the dark and blame the Jooooz