It was gloomy and quiet in the emperor’s palace in Constantinople since the evening of September 26, when the mail pigeon with a message from the Ottoman Sultan arrived.
The message reader clerk that was summoned by His Majesty to read the message, reported lately that it was at the following paragraph
Guided by the principles of Islam, the religion of moderation, tolerance, recognition of the other and all revealed religions, the Ministers believe that it is befitting to the Emperor to retract or redress the said statement, in demonstration of the correct spirit of Christianity in dealing with Islamic issues.
that the Emperor “lost it completely”, as the clerk put it. “He broke three priceless vases of Venetian glass, and then threw on the floor the unique Tupperware set he received the other day from the Russian ambassador and jumped on it… yes, simply jumped on it!” whispered the awed clerk.
Today the emperor summoned his Foreign Minister and sent him on a mission that will encompass all Muslim capitals of the world and includes wallowing in the mud, tearing hair, abasing self in any way required by the hosts and generally showing the deepest humiliation humanly (and inhumanly) possible.
“I simply cannot take it any more, Stavros,” said the emperor embracing his loyal Minister after handing him a protective suit (for wallowing), knees and elbows protectors (for crawling on stone floors) and soothing balm (for banging forehead on same floors). “Please do your best to satisfy these… these…”, the emperor succeeded to say before breaking up in tears.
According to the emperor’s favorite chambermaid, he requested that she purchase several burqas in different colors. No member of emperor’s household ventured an opinion regarding this strange request so far.
Cross-posted on SimplyJews