He says the things that I’ve been thinking of writing at least 60% of the time.

I’m too tired to post tonight. I may be too tired to post tomorrow morning. Here’s hoping not.

Apparently, El Salvadoran gangs are keeping in touch with their organizations from prison via cell phones, which they hid up their asses.

Cellular telephones were found inside four prisoners in El Salvador’s maximum-security prison, authorities said Wednesday.

[...] Capt. Juan Ramon Arevalo, director of the prison known as Zacatras, said the gang members had introduced the cell phones, wrapped in plastic bags, into their bodies through their anuses. Authorities also found nine cell phone chips and one charger.

I wonder what an appropriate ringtone for an ass-phone would be.

Yeah, I know, it’s a little bathroom humor, but hey, everyone laughs at fart jokes. Hell, all you have to do is say the word “fart” to a group of nine-year-olds, and they’re on the floor in hysterics in moments. I know. Sometimes, when my class is bored to tears and I need to get their attention again, I say, “You know, you can never go wrong telling nine-year-olds fart jokes,” and we’re off.

Works every time, especially if you make the noise to go with.

But I digress.

Or should that be “regress”?

Plptptptpt.

Let’s assume that you are a cheapo - just for the purpose of this post, OK? Or, if the mere suggestion turns you off, let’s make another assumption - you are for the absolute gender equality in every matter, including going Dutch with your dating-related expenses.

Then you better find yourself a good lawyer and let him equip you with a standard pre-dating agreement to be signed by you and the other party before the actual date. To avoid situations like the one described here.

Iran claims to have created an AIDS miracle drug.

Scientists in Iran have succeeded in developing a drug for AIDS containment, the Iranian news agency FARS reported. Last week, the Iranian health minister promised good news on the matter, yet no information regarding the drug and the treatment method has been released.

On Wednesday, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad held a speech at Tehran University implying that: “There is a development on the issue, and if we announce it this would mean a tremendous development, but for now we lack the ability to answer all questions and we must continue dealing with different aspects of the matter.”

According to the report, the new drug, unmatched by any other in the world, was developed by Tehran University medical scientists. Test results show that that using the drug strengthens the body’s immune system and assists in dealing with the AIDS Virus.

Let’s all run out and try it, right away. Because it’s not like the Iranians would lie, or anything like that. Besides, there aren’t any Jewish doctors in Iran. Their research is highly suspect for that reason alone.

One of the world’s refrains was that Israel was “punishing” Lebanon instead of going after Hezbullah. Lebanon, you see, is completely separate fromt he terrorist organization (in spite of Hezbullah’s presence as legislators and cabinet ministers). Israel needs to distinguish between Hezbullah and Lebanon, the world said.

Apparently, not so much.

CAIRO (Reuters) - Lebanon said on Wednesday two Israeli soldiers captured by Hizbollah would not be released unless Israel was prepared to discuss a prisoner swap.

The unconditional release of the soldiers, whose seizure by the Lebanese Hizbollah guerrilla group in a cross-border raid on July 12 sparked a 34-day war, is called for in the preamble to a U.N. Security Council resolution that brought about a ceasefire.

The same preamble “encourages” the settling of the issue of Lebanese prisoners detained in Israel.

“Neither of the two Israeli soldiers will be released unless there are negotiations over the exchange of Lebanese and Israeli prisoners,” Lebanese Foreign Minister Fawzi Salloukh told reporters at an Arab foreign ministers’ meeting in Cairo.

Hizbollah has two ministers in the Lebanese government.

Notice how Reuters fails to point out that Hezbullah also has 14 (out of 128) legislators. Big shock there.

Go ahead. Tell me again how Hezbullah and Lebanon are separate. Because it’s not like, say, Hezbullah soldiers are actually Lebanese. They’re mostly using Iranian money. The footsoldiers are Lebanese Shia.

And gee, whatever happened to that groundswell of negative opinion that was going to punish Hezbullah after the war? It’s all but disappeared. Guess those pundits were wrong, eh?

Shyeah. When Muslim voices don’t carry the standard anti-Israel propaganda, mayhem and murder follows. You won’t see the Lebanese go after Hezbullah. Not when they keep saying things like the above.

Compare and contrast the Times online’s summary with the Guardian’s.

See if you can tell which is the Guardian’s. This one:

Police accused of inaction as anti-Jewish alliance emerges
A SINISTER alliance has developed between far-Right groups and Islamist extremists who are united in their hatred of Jews, Israel and Zionism and are contributing to increasing anti-Semitism in Britain.

A report criticises police forces for failing adequately to monitor anti-Jewish incidents. It calls on the Crown Prosecution Service to investigate why fewer than one in ten reported incidents leads to a prosecution.

[...] It refers to “anti-Semitic discourse”, defined as a “widespread change in mood and tone when Jews are discussed, whether in print or broadcast, at universities, or in public or social settings”.

But it expresses particular concern about a new, “symbiotic” relationship between the traditional perpetrators of anti-Semitism — the far Right and some Islamist extremists — who are united in their hatred of all things Jewish.

It found that Arabic translations of Mein Kampf and The Protocols of the Elders of Zion were stocked in Arabic bookshops in London.

Of particular concern to the inquiry was anti-Semitism on campuses, with literature being distributed that called for the killing of Jews and the destruction of Israel.

The report, published today, calls on the Government, the media, academics, politicians and community leaders to understand and treat anti-Semitism in the same way as any other form of racism.

Or this one:

Action urged on anti-Semitism study
Senior figures in the Jewish community have welcomed a report into anti-Semitism and urged the Government and other authorities to study its findings.

Many of them, including Chief Rabbi Sir Jonathan Sacks and president of the Board of Deputies Henry Grunwald, gave verbal evidence during the cross-party inquiry. Sir Jonathan said the Jewish community must also play its part in tackling anti-Semitism.

He said: “This is an important and timely report. We will do all we can in the community to fight prejudice in whatever form it takes.”

The Board of Deputies, the main body that represents British Jews, described the report as a clear-headed and sober analysis of prejudice.

Mr Grunwald said: “This is an important document and its recommendations demand careful study.

Astonishing, isn’t it, how the Guardian manages not to include a single piece of valid information about the report? You have to go to their “special report” in the politics section to find an article with any information. I wonder what was published in the print edition?

And the BBC has suddenly noticed British anti-Semitism, after having ignored it for years:

Manchester has one of the UK’s highest rates of anti-Semitic attacks, a cross party group of MPs has said.

The Parliamentary Committee Against Anti-Semitism said nearly a quarter of UK anti-Semitic incidents happened in Gtr Manchester in the last six months.

Only London had a higher level of anti-Semitic attacks.

When the group visited a Jewish school in Manchester almost every pupil they met had experienced some kind of abuse or harassment because of their faith.

Of course, the big question is, now that the report is out, what will Britain do?

Countdown to British Muslim groups whining that Islamophobia is a bigger issue.

UN forces get their war on: The Italians say they’ll fire back if Hezbullah attacks.

Italian forces taking part in the United Nations peacekeeping force in Lebanon would retaliate if attacked by Hizbullah or any other armed group in the tiny Mediterranean country, Italy’s Ambassador to Israel Sandro De Bernardin told Ynetnews on Wednesday.

“Of course they will respond. They have the right of self-defense,” he said.

This is going to be the most interesting UN peacekeeping mission ever, if this is true.

Which of these things is not like the other? So let’s take a look at the lopsided UN action, as always, where Israel is concerned:

ANKARA, Turkey Sep 6, 2006 (AP)— U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan wrapped up a trip to the Middle East Wednesday with two notable successes: winning Israel’s agreement to lift its blockade of war-ravaged Lebanon and securing a commitment for Turkish troops to join the U.N. peacekeeping force there.

Just hours after Annan called for the lifting of a sea and air blockade, Israel said it would end it Thursday evening. International forces will replace the Israelis at command positions over Lebanese seaports and airports. Israel said the blockade was necessary to prevent arms shipments to Hezbollah guerrillas.

Annan on the tail end of 11-day trip to the region also renewed a call for an Israeli troop pullout from Lebanon, calling it “crucial” to peacekeeping.

The U.N. chief also urged Hezbollah militants based in southern Lebanon to disarm.

Right. Urge those terrorists, Kofi! Maybe even write them a strongly-worded letter. That’ll show them!

Once again, Israel bends over and takes it up the ass while her enemies get away with murder. Literally, of course. And the UN—and the world—is complicit.
Keeping watch on this one: I’m waiting for confirmation here.

Passengers on an Air Canada Jazz flight from Montreal to New York claim that a fellow passenger, an ultra-Orthodox man, was removed from the plane after he began praying, Canadian news site CBC reported.
The airplane was heading toward the runway at the Pierre Elliott Trudeau International Airport when eyewitnesses said the Orthodox man began to pray.

According to passenger Yves Faguy, seated nearby:” He was clearly a Hassidic Jew, he had some sort of cover over his head and was reading from a book.He wasn’t exactly praying out loud but he was lurching back and forth. The action didn’t seem to bother anyone.”

Nonetheless, a flight attendant approached the man and told him his praying was making other passengers nervous, CBC said.

“The attendant actually recognized out loud that he wasn’t a Muslim and that she was sorry for the situation but they had to ask him to leave,” Faguy concluded.

We’ll look into this again later.

Oh, please. Can Chipmunk Cheeks get any stupider? Nasrallah says his hideout is so secret even he doesn’t know where it is. And the press buys that crap.

The interview lasted five hours and took place in a modest apartment in an undisclosed location in Lebanon. Nasrallah told his interviewers, Talal Salman and Hussein Ayoub, that he himself does not know his whereabouts. “I’m like you. I’ve been moved up and down dozens of times. I don’t know the place where I am now with you,” he said.

Hey, fathead: I’m not buying the innocent act. But I’m really hoping the IDF managed to infiltrate some agents via those Syrian aid convoys. Your days are numbered, if you ask me, and I’m thinking they’re numbered on the short side.