I’m sorry, but this one was too funny:

PLEASE YOUR ASSISTANT IS NEEDED.

Sorry, dude, I don’t have an assistant. And if I did, you couldn’t have her. Or him.

I FINALLY SUCCEEDED.

Great! Wonderful! Lovely! Uh—who are you?

re: PLEASE YOUR ASSISTANT IS NEEDED.

That’s funny. I didn’t respond to the first one. Except here. Wow, they’re like, psychic!

Okay. Enough for tonight. It’s not nice to make fun of the feeble-minded.

Oh, yes it is.

Hezbullah’s man in power, Fuad Siniora, is working full-tilt to let Hezbullah stay in southern Lebanon—with their weapons.

The IDF will have to resume operations in Lebanon if the expanded United Nations force being assembled does not fulfill its obligation to dismantle Hizbullah, an official in the Prime Minister’s Office warned on Tuesday.

Lebanese Prime Minister Fuad Saniora and Hizbullah leader Hassan Nasrallah reportedly reached a deal allowing Hizbullah to keep its weapons but refrain from exhibiting them in public. Israeli officials called the arrangement a violation of UN Security Council Resolution 1701, which passed over the weekend and was approved on Sunday by the cabinet.

And Kofi Annan is piling on. Say, why is it we have the opinion the world is against Israel again? Oh, yeah. Because of things like this:

“The resolution is clear that Hizbullah needs to be removed from the border area, embargoed and dismantled,” the official said. “If the resolution is not implemented, we will have to take action to prevent the rearming of Hizbullah. I don’t think backtracking will serve any useful purpose. There has to be pressure on Hizbullah to disarm or there will have to be another round.”

Foreign Minister Tzipi Livni is expected to raise the issue when she meets in New York on Wednesday with UN Secretary-General Kofi Annan.

Annan angered Israeli officials when he told Channel 2 on Tuesday that “dismantling Hizbullah is not the direct mandate of the UN,” which could only help Lebanon disarm the organization. Annan upset officials further when he said that deploying international forces in Lebanon would take “weeks or months,” and not days as expected.

As a matter of fact, Kofi, it is. Look at resolution 1559. Look at the UN charter. Your job is to keep the peace, asshat. Of course, the UN hasn’t even designated Hezbullah a terrorist organization, but neither can the UN agree on a definition of terrorism, thanks to the corrupt Arab and Muslim dictatorships that load the committees.

An official in the Prime Minister’s Office accused Annan of having an anti-Israel agenda.

“He has been one-sided,” the official said. “He tried to be even-handed in a situation that was clearly asymmetrical. When one side committed crimes against humanity and engaged in genocide and the other side defended itself, he cannot treat us in the same manner.”

Annan rejected charges of bias, saying, “I have been very hard on Hizbullah and condemned Hizbullah for what it has done. I have condemned Israel for what I consider excessive use of force but it doesn’t mean I am taking one side.”

Liar. You spent far more words condemning Israeli actions, and never issued a statement bemoaning Israeli civilian casualties. I looked. I waited. In vain.

Fire this shmuck. He’s past his expiration date.

I haven’t read it, but the title alone is enough:

Robert Fisk: In the face of Bush’s lies, it’s left to Assad to tell the truth

What kind of idiot thinks that Bashar Assad, the Dorktator we all love to mock, is telling the truth?

Oh, wait. Robert Fisk. Question answered.

Yeah, now pull the other one: All the terrorists in Gaza are saying, “Nope, we didn’t do it” when accused of kidnapping the Fox reporters.

GAZA CITY, Gaza Strip Aug 16, 2006 (AP)— The wife of a kidnapped Fox News cameraman said Wednesday she’s been told by Palestinian officials her husband’s captors acted on their own, without support from militant groups.

Major militant groups in Gaza have denied involvement and no public demands had been made.

[...] McNaught said she has been told by Palestinian officials that the kidnappers appear to be rogue gunmen without ties to any of the political groups in Gaza.

Amazing, isn’t it, how many “rogue gunman” there are when responsibility is to be assigned?

Watch the AP spin and lie: Pay close attention to the description of the cease-fire.

UNITED NATIONS Aug 16, 2006 (AP)— The United Nations says the 2,000 U.N. peacekeepers now in southern Lebanon can start overseeing the withdrawal of Israeli troops and the deployment of the Lebanese army very quickly if all the parties agree.

But the U.N. hopes 3,500 well-equipped international troops can reinforce the U.N. contingent within 10 to 14 days to help consolidate the fragile cease-fire and create the conditions for all Israeli forces to head home, Assistant Secretary-General for Peacekeeping Hedi Annabi said Tuesday.

The Israeli army withdrew part of its force from southern Lebanon on Tuesday, and a senior U.N. official said it is possible to complete the Israeli withdrawal and Lebanese deployment in a week or two.

[...] Even though the artillery, guns and rockets have generally fallen silent, Hezbollah has warned that there is the potential for renewed fighting as long as Israeli forces remain in Lebanon.

So, apparently, Hezbullah firing mortars at IDF troops, and sending gunmen to kill Israeli soldiers, does not count as part of the cease-fire. But Israeli forces remaining in Lebanon are a reason to end it.

Got a big one in Beirut: Apparently, all that bombing in the last day of the war was successful.

The IDF said on Wednesday that a senior Hizbullah commander was killed just hours before a ceasefire took effect this week between Israel and the Lebanese terror group.

Soldiers killed Sajed Dewayer, head of Hizbullah’s Special Forces, during a massive Air Force strike on the Dahiya district in south Beirut.

Hezbullah, of course, denies it. In other news, the sun will rise in the east and set in the west.