How to convince your wife, girlfriend, or mistress to get breast implants

I’m posting this here, because I just know this topic’s near and dear to Meryl…

So, how can you convince your wife, girlfriend, or mistress to get breast implants?

Just say: “In a terrorist attack, they may just save your life.”

An Israeli woman’s breast implants saved her life when she was wounded in a Hizbollah rocket attack during
Israel’s war with the Lebanese group, a hospital spokesman said Tuesday.

Doctors found shrapnel embedded in the silicone implants, just inches from the 24-year-old’s heart.

“She was saved from death,” said a spokesman for Nahariya Hospital in northern Israel. The woman has been released from hospital.

Would a saline implant have stopped the shrapnel? Keep this in mind when someone tells you that silicone’s unsafe.

About Laurence Simon

I'm a thirty-something dataschmuck in Houston, TX. I spend my free time grilling, baking, playing with cats, and trying to invent the Tequila Sunset.
This entry was posted in Humor, Israel, Terrorism. Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to How to convince your wife, girlfriend, or mistress to get breast implants

  1. Bert says:

    I want to see pictures before I believe this one. However, this being Reuters, the images would be Photoshopped first…..

  2. Tatterdemalian says:

    I remember seeing an article somewhere stating that the silica gel that used to fill breast implants until it was banned is now finding new use in police departments as ballistic gel.

    Still, I’d say getting implants is a matter of deciding which is more likely to kill you earlier: silica leakage, or enemy shrapnel.

  3. Drew W says:

    And they criticized our military women for using defense department $$$ to pay for breast implants. For shame! Enhancement surgery should be on the same expenditure wish-list as improved body armor. (Okay, maybe a little farther down on the list.)

    But I can tell you another thing: you’ll take those surgically-enhanced breasts away from me when you pry my cold, dead fingers — okay, better knock it off. Meryl’s gone — what, two days? — and look at the locker-room talk I’m encouraging around here! I for one, am ashamed and promise never to do such a thing again.

  4. Jay Tea says:

    (perk) someone say boobies?


  5. chsw says:

    Yeah, if it’s from Reuters, it may be fauxtography. An empirical approach calls for a hands-on evaluation of the evidence.


  6. Wow.

    Mom’s back. Lair’s getting grounded for a month.

    The rest of you can just watch yourselves next time or I’m calling your parents.

  7. Michael Lonie says:

    Reminds me of a WWII cartoon by Bill Mauldin. A soldier is in a foxhole writing a letter. A very thick book with an enormous hole in the cover lies just outside the foxhole. He writes: “Dear Miss Mitchell, You may think this is a funny letter to get from a soldier but I was carryiing a copy of your big book ‘Gone With the Wind’ in my shirt when…”

  8. Ozzie says:

    Double Yawp!

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