We are the AOL. You will be assimilated.

This is a hilarious (to me) account of a man trying to cancel his AOL account, but getting The Phone Rep From Hell, who simply will not take “no” for an answer.

AOL: Okay, I mean is there a problem with the software itself?

VINCENT: No. I just don’t use it, I don’t need it, I don’t want it. I just don’t need it anymore.

AOL: Okay. So when you use this… I mean, use the computer, I’m saying, is that for business or for… for school?

VINCENT: Dude, what difference does it make. I don’t want the AOL account anymore. Can we please cancel it?

[…] AOL: I am trying to help.

VINCENT: Helping… listen, I called to cancel the account. Helping me would be canceling the account. Please help me and cancel the account.

AOL: No, it wouldn’t actually…

VINCENT: Cancel my account…

AOL: Turning off your account…

VINCENT: …cancel the account…

AOL: …would be the worst thing that…

VINCENT: …cancel the account.

There is no way my call would have gone on that long without an immediate demand for a supervisor. I simply don’t take that kind of crap. I am always polite to CSRs, but man, do I hate it when they don’t take no for an answer. One of them stopped the spiel after I got tired of saying no and said, “What part of no don’t you understand?” which, I suppose, isn’t all that polite. But no means no, y’know?

Side note: Neither MSNBC nor the local NBC affiliate station get it. Neither one posted the guy’s URL, which has the original tape.

Here’s a link to the full tape, which I suspect you may not get at the NBC stations, what with the end being expletive-impeded.

This entry was posted in Computers, Humor. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to We are the AOL. You will be assimilated.

  1. Rob says:

    They get it. They just don’t want to participate. They won’t use the guy’s URL. They want you to take their word for it and accept their condensed, summarized version. More importantly, they want you to stay on their site and only click on links that are paying to be on their pages or paying for clickthroughs.

  2. Lloyd says:

    When I cancelled my first ISP account– not AOL– I was asked why I was cancelling. Trying to be polite, I said I just wasn’t using it anymore.

    The diembodied voice told me that my charges were going to run until the end of the calendar year and no refunds were allowed.

    I replied brightly, “Well that’s a good reason to cancel your service.”

    For some reason he became an angry disembodied voice.

Comments are closed.