The post below has been updated.

Yesterday was the annual Teacher Appreciation Dinner at my synagogue. Yesterday was also the day I came down with a stomach thing. Bug, virus, whatever. I ate nothing for lunch, and debated not even going to the dinner, but I really like the congregational dinners, and, well, it was partly in my honor, so I went. We have a seder for all congregational dinners, and right after kiddush, my stomach stopped hurting. Which encouraged me to eat. It was fairly harmless stuff: Chicken, rice, pasta, green beans. I skipped dessert. Got through services with a mild tummyache, ate a couple of bites of dessert at the Oneg (refreshments after the service), and then — and then — it hit.

I went home, went to bed, and spent the night extremely uncomfortably, up and down every couple of hours. I should not have eaten. Boy, should I not have eaten. No worries, though, because I think I’ve discovered the stomach virus diet. I assure you, I have gained almost zero caloric benefit from anything that I ate yesterday. There was nothing left in my stomach or digestive system by morning.

When I finally got up around noon, I was dehydrated and wary of putting anything in my stomach, but I discovered I had some Gatorade in the fridge. I poured myself a glass and got about half of it down. Felt okay. Had a few more sips, and then noticed an odd texture to the Gatorade.

I don’t know how long it’s been in my fridge. I didn’t check the date before I drank it. But there was, ew, some kind of blob in the glass. Pink, like the Gatorade. I didn’t drink it, but ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. I almost swallowed a Gatorade blob. Of course, it could have been mold, but it was pink.

I don’t want to know what it was. I think I don’t want to keep Gatorade in the fridge that long again, either. The sell-by date was October. 2005.

Or maybe I don’t need to rehydrate with anything stronger than water in cases like this. There’s never been anything funky in any water I’ve ever drunk.

Certainly there were never any blobs in the water.

Ew.

The Christian Science Monitor joins the growing list of media outlets who are blinding themselves to the facts of Hamas, and insisting that there are signs of “moderation.” The article focuses on how Hamas is “moderating,” and yet, they supply zero evidence that Hamas members are changing their minds. The signs? Polls that say palestinians want a negotiated settlement. The prison statement from Fatah and Hamas that called for a state within the 1967 (read: 1949 armistice line) borders. And the author disingenuously quotes Ismail Haniyeh’s advisor as a moderating voice:

Today, however, it sometimes is difficult to pinpoint Hamas policy. Hamas politicians who say Israel has no place in the Islamic Middle East are vying with voices that sound far more moderate and cooperative, such as Ahmed Yousef, the prime minister’s senior political adviser.

“If the people decide that they want recognition [of Israel] tomorrow, OK. We’ll do it and we’ll have a referendum to see if people agree,” says Mr. Yousef, an adviser to Prime Minister Ismail Haniyah who lived for some 20 years in the US and maintains close ties there. “Those people’s opinions are really being considered,” he says of the prisoners’ document.

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I thought “jihad” means “spiritual struggle,” not “holy war.” I thought Islam is a peaceful religion that does not want to subjugate the world. Someone forgot to send the memo to these members of the Religion of Peace™.

Hizb ut-Tahrir takes a more gradual, long-term strategy for spreading the territory under Muslim rule.

“Islam obliges Muslims to possess power so that they can intimidate - I would not say terrorize - the enemies of Islam,” says Abu Mohammed, a Hizb ut-Tahrir activist. “In the beginning, the Caliphate would strengthen itself internally and it wouldn’t initiate jihad.”

“But after that we would carry Islam as an intellectual call to all the world,” says Abu Mohammed, a pseudonym. “And we will make people bordering the Caliphate believe in Islam. Or if they refuse then we’ll ask them to be ruled by Islam.”

And after that? Abu Mohammed pauses and fiddles with his Pepsi before replying.

“And if after all discussions and negotiations they still refuse, then the last resort will be a jihad to spread the spirit of Islam and the rule of Islam,” he says, smiling. “This is done in the interests of all people to get them out of darkness and into light.”

What a pleasant little euphemism for murdering people for refusing to change their religious beliefs to yours.

Ynet published what would be a good plot for a new spy serial.

Terrorists planned to blow up El Al plane

Swiss security services uncover 2005 plot to bring down Israeli plane during takeoff through RPG attack.

A plot to blow up an El Al plane at Geneva’s international airport has been thwarted. Swiss intelligence agencies uncovered a terrorist cell last December that plotted to strike an Israeli plane while it was taking off through an RPG rocket attack in December 2005.

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