May I just say that I caught bits and pieces of the newest edition of that classic Passover tale, and I have a few questions and comments.
Why does everyone speak with a British accent?
Why was Moses wandering around in the desert without water, getting more and more haggard, and yet, staying mostly clean-shaven?
Don’t you think men look really stupid with shaved heads and lots of eyeliner? Oh, and the dresses don’t help much. I thought I was in Greenwich Village on Gay Pride Parade Day or something.
So, if it was God who parted the Red Sea (and we know it was really the Reed Sea, not the Red Sea, but let’s not go there for now, this is Hollywood), howcome Moses went “Argh!” and “Ugh!” when the sea was parting? Because, like, y’know, uh — he didn’t do anything but lift that staff. And come on, nobody is that out of shape.
Say, didn’t you just love that little pause for moralization when Moses’ Egyptian buddy came to him and complained that his son who was killed was innocent and didn’t deserve it? Because I don’t know about you, but that’s what I want to see when I’m watching the crappy remake of a hokey Biblical epic: Lectures on moralism. (At this point, I’d be perfectly content to see Victor Mature pushing down the pillars on the Philistines; hokey is fun! Or Edward G. Robinson trying not to talk like Edward G. Robinson. That was funny.)
Anyway. I’ll probably catch the second half, because I want to see the famous scene where Moses smashes the Commandments on the ground. Plus I want to see their version of the Golden Calf. Oh, and there’s the little cliffhanger ending from tonight, where Moses if facing down a spearman. Gee. Ya think he’ll survive and cross the Red Sea with the rest of the Hebrews, or what?
I’m so excited, I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep for wondering!