Pat Robertson speaks for God. Who knew?

Proving to the world yet again what a class-one moron he is, Pat Robertson purports to speak for God and tells the world that God gave Ariel Sharon a stroke for giving Gaza to the palestinians.

“He was dividing God’s land, and I would say, ‘Woe unto any prime minister of Israel who takes a similar course to appease the [European Union], the United Nations or the United States of America,'” Robertson told viewers of his long-running television show, “The 700 Club.”

“God says, ‘This land belongs to me, and you’d better leave it alone,'” he said.

Since Robertson has that direct line to God, I would like to ask him what offense against God these stroke victims made:

Dick Clark
Kirk Douglas
Coretta Scott King
Patricia Neal
Ellen Corby

Last, but not least: My Uncle Joe

So, whattya think? C’mon, Pat, you’ve got a direct line to the Almighty. Tell me the awful things that all these people did to deserve having a blood vessel in their brain burst open.

Schmuck.

Pat Robertson has joined the MonkeyBoy club. (MonkeyBoy is my name for the current president of Iran.)

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15 Responses to Pat Robertson speaks for God. Who knew?

  1. The Doctor says:

    It’s obvious.

    Kirk Douglas is a Jew.
    Coretta Scott King is black
    All the others are Hollywood Elite.

    Pat’s favorite people.

    And remember, Katrina hit New Orleans because of all the gays; ignore the fact that the states along the Gulf Coast have the some of the most anti-choice, anti-gay, and hard-core Christians in the country. So in Pat’s world, God will hurricane you if you’re a party city, or if you’re Pat’s friends but are near sinners…

  2. Here’s another one: FDR.

  3. Gary Rosen says:

    Is Pat going to explain to us exactly what he did wrong that caused God to give him a single-digit IQ?

  4. Aussie Dave says:

    I prefer to be more specific, and call him Gorilla Boy. After all, better to just impugn gorillas than the entire monkey species.

  5. Sabba Hillel says:

    Unless we finally get prophets back we cannot say for sure. If a person jumps off a cliff, I suppose that gravity is a punishment. We could say that because of his position in the world, G-d wants Ariel Sharon out of office right now, but we won’t know why until we can ask directly.

  6. Ah, that’s where I got it from, Dave. Okay. Gorilla Boy it is.

  7. The Doctor says:

    Kong speak for gorillas. Kong not like being lumped in with stupid TV god salesman. Maybe Kong ask green friend to smash a little. Suggest use of term Weasle Boy although many weasles are lawyers…

  8. Yankev says:

    Sabba Hillel says it all. We can’t know, without prophecy. Let’s see; our Sages zl tell us that ever since the destruction of the First Temple, prophecy has been restricted to three groups: (1) those prophets who were active at the time of the destruction continued to have the gift of prophecy even after the destruction, (2) toddlers (tinokos) and (3) the severely mental incompetent (shoteim).

    I’m pretty sure Pat Robertson is too young to be in the first group and too old to be in the second. What does that tell us about his claims to prophetic powers?

  9. Tim Howland says:

    Pat Robertson resembles nothing so much as a usenet troll; saying whatever illogical inflamation he can gin up without a moment’s consideration besides what is most likely to get people riled up.

    The only way to get rid of a troll is to ignore him; sooner or later he’ll go away.

  10. Anonymous says:

    Except for trolls who have devoted followers who watch them on TV, send in money, and believe what they say and do what they’re told to such as boycott…

    He’s still a very dangerous troll.

  11. LynnB says:

    Charlton Heston?

  12. Michael Lonie says:

    Ah, the chap for whom the word “idiotarian” was coined. I do believe Robertson was educated as a lawyer, so Weasel Boy might be very appropriate.

  13. Robert says:

    Charlton Heston has Alzheimers (sp.)

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