I must draw these strange creatures or something. Tonight, Heidi turned off the grill outside, and on her way back in, a giant wasp came into the kitchen with her. It was about two inches long, and we did not want it in the house. So she ran and got the flyswatter, which she was frankly afraid to use, because it was this giant mutant wasp flying around, and we thought that if it stung someone, it was really, really going to hurt.
Me? I was standing outside the kitchen shouting things like, “Look out! He’s after you!” and “Don’t you have any bug spray?” and “Tink, get back! No, get out of the kitchen!” Which was better than Sorena, who was cowering behind me complaining about Giant Mutant Wasps attacking and getting ready to run. Finally, I told Heidi that any ammonia-based cleaner would work, as I have killed wasps with it at my apartment. So she got some Windex, waited for the perfect moment, and when the wasp landed on the light shade, she sprayed it. Got it really good, too. I was expecting to see the wasp fall to the ground.
It flew away. Up to the ceiling. Fast. That was when I advised Heidi to hide behind the glass doors with me and see if anything would happen besides the wasp buzzing around in angry circles. We pretty much gave up on it, closed the doors between the kitchen and the Great Room, and Sorena started her cello practice. But I kept watching the wasp, and saw that it was flying far more slowly and lower to the ground. So I went around to the other side of the kitchen and looked for it.
“Heidi,” I called, “does my chair have a black spot on its side?”
“I don’t think so. Why?”
“I think I found the wasp.”
Heidi came over, saw it was indeed the Giant Mutant Wasp, and, armed with flyswatter and Windex, this time, conquered and destroyed the pest.
Well. At least we got the wasp before G. came into the kitchen for a snack. We forgot to warn him there was a Giant Mutant Wasp flying around the kitchen. It’s bad enough the poor guy had an abscessed tooth this week. A sting from a Giant Mutant Wasp would have been just too unfair.